This isn't just about them anymore, it's about a child. I'll hurt some damn feelings if it means getting a child out of a home before the abuse gets serious. If it was just her in this situation, sure, I'll read her every scripted line with a honeyed tongue. But this is a child we are talking about.
My mother was beat and she stayed, which means I would soon get beat, she still stayed, she kept me in a room with a monster because she was afraid. I resent her for it.
This is your kid, you fight till your dying fuckin' breath if it means keeping them safe.
I can understand where you're coming from, and I'm sorry that you were put through that, but you clearly didn't watch the video I linked. It's a matter of psychological abuse and conditioning, and blaming the victim for what the perpetrator does to them is not helpful.
You are essentially assisting this woman's abuser, even though your intent is the opposite. That may sound harsh, but it is true.
I'm on mobile and the link is too complex to copy. But you aren't going to be getting any sympathy out of me on this one, I have no respect for a parent who keeps a child in an abusive situation, I don't care what the costs are. And if she is brainwashed or abused so bad that she can't force herself to leave, or atleast get her son out of there, then I can only pray that the gods will send someone who isn't as weak who can take the child away from her.
My brother died at the hands of child abuse, and I can't exactly say I'm lucky to have survived it with how fucked up mentally I am now. There is no time for gentle handling of this situation.
You really need to educate yourself on the dynamic of domestic abuse then come back here. Until then your "tough love" approach is causing more harm than good, to the child too. You're not just hurting feelings, you are adding to the problem. Talking like that is the worst possible approach where domestic violence is concerned.
Yes. But. Victims have trauma to deal with that can prevent them from doing what seems obvious to anyome else.
That is one point explained in the video. Another is that leaving from a situation that has escalted to violence is often the most dangerous to the victim. Because that is when the perpetrator steps up to their last way to exert control over their victim, and that's to kill them. I can't remember the stats, but many/most women who are killed by their partners are ones who have left the abusive relationship.
Is it normal that my husband calls me stupid everyday
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https://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave
Calling a domestic violence victim, even if it is "just" verbal, stupid...is one of the least helpful things you can do.
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[Old Memory]
6 years ago
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This isn't just about them anymore, it's about a child. I'll hurt some damn feelings if it means getting a child out of a home before the abuse gets serious. If it was just her in this situation, sure, I'll read her every scripted line with a honeyed tongue. But this is a child we are talking about.
My mother was beat and she stayed, which means I would soon get beat, she still stayed, she kept me in a room with a monster because she was afraid. I resent her for it.
This is your kid, you fight till your dying fuckin' breath if it means keeping them safe.
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charli.m
6 years ago
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It's not about hurting feelings.
I can understand where you're coming from, and I'm sorry that you were put through that, but you clearly didn't watch the video I linked. It's a matter of psychological abuse and conditioning, and blaming the victim for what the perpetrator does to them is not helpful.
You are essentially assisting this woman's abuser, even though your intent is the opposite. That may sound harsh, but it is true.
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[Old Memory]
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I'm on mobile and the link is too complex to copy. But you aren't going to be getting any sympathy out of me on this one, I have no respect for a parent who keeps a child in an abusive situation, I don't care what the costs are. And if she is brainwashed or abused so bad that she can't force herself to leave, or atleast get her son out of there, then I can only pray that the gods will send someone who isn't as weak who can take the child away from her.
My brother died at the hands of child abuse, and I can't exactly say I'm lucky to have survived it with how fucked up mentally I am now. There is no time for gentle handling of this situation.
--
charli.m
6 years ago
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I'm sorry for that. No one should have to experience that.
But victim blaming is still not the answer.
Would you blame a rape victim for not doing enough to protect themselves?
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I'd blame someone for letting a rapist get away.
I'd never blame someone for getting raped. But it's now their responsibility to protect others from this person.
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justbecause11
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charli.m
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You really need to educate yourself on the dynamic of domestic abuse then come back here. Until then your "tough love" approach is causing more harm than good, to the child too. You're not just hurting feelings, you are adding to the problem. Talking like that is the worst possible approach where domestic violence is concerned.
Yes. But. Victims have trauma to deal with that can prevent them from doing what seems obvious to anyome else.
That is one point explained in the video. Another is that leaving from a situation that has escalted to violence is often the most dangerous to the victim. Because that is when the perpetrator steps up to their last way to exert control over their victim, and that's to kill them. I can't remember the stats, but many/most women who are killed by their partners are ones who have left the abusive relationship.