Is it normal that my guy's sex drive has gone way down?

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12 Comments

Me and my guy used to have sex a lot at the start of our relationship like 5 or 6 times a night and at least 4 or so nights a week! but now we have had sex approximately 3 times in 3 weeks and each time he has either cum but hasn't carried on to make sure i do, stopped saying it hurts or stopped saying he's too tired :/ we're young and fit and healthy and i just don't understand where his sex drive has gone. He's rejected me when i've wanted it the past 10 or so times :( i keep thinking that maybe it's because i'm into kinky stuff and he might not like kink as much as he said he did. I asked if he still found me attractive etc and he said yes and he doesn't understand why he doesn't want sex recently. Is it normal for guys to do this?

Is It Normal?
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  • ccjigsaw
    10 years ago | pl

    My opinion. He's hurting cause that's a lot of sex.. Sometimes the need to preform can be so pressuring and stressful that it can have the opposite effect and cause you to not want to do it anymore at all. Not to say you are, but asking for sex all the time will cause him to feel more pressured and ruin his labido further. In the end, it's normal for your sex drive to lower once you've been doing a lot for a period of time. I think in his case, it began to lower and it started to affect him negitively cause he couldn't keep up with you. Basically he has a mental block.. I'm not sure what kind of relationship you're in, but if it's a loving one, I reccomend making him feel better about what's going on. Tell him you don't need sex and you can wait. If not, probably need to move on.. I think he's finished/needs a break lol You could try masturbating in between to keep yourself content to help with the sexual irritation which i'm sure you must be feeling. Dealing with something like that is tough. Good luck

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  • Maya05
    10 years ago | pl

    Yes, it is normal for guys to not want to have sex many times in one day. (Seriously what you said is ALOT in one day, how do you have the energy?) The reasons for this change in him could be many different reasons. The only person who may know would be him. And even then he might not even be sure, his sex drive could have just lowered over time. Also I think that most young couples will have more sex more frequently at the beginning of their relationship because it's new and exciting.

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    • missmystery
      10 years ago | pl

      I know it's a lot and he would usually do that all in one go, like as soon as he'd come he'd be ready to go again pretty much immediately! i never asked him to carry on past the 2nd or 3rd (as long as i'd come at least once) that was just how high his sex drive used to be that he'd want loads! but now it's gone to practically nothing - i just don't understand.

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      • Maya05
        10 years ago | pl

        That is definitely odd to drop from very high to very low in a short amount of time. Really, talking to him would be the best option. There might be other reasons for it that he's not telling you. Could be other life problems or psychological issues he's going through. All of which can reduce a normal sex drive to almost nothing. Also he could see a doctor about it.

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  • quentari
    10 years ago | pl

    it's pretty normal for the sex drive to lower, but him coming and not caring whether you do is rude and disrespectful...

    the having to stop part is kinda worrying though, that doesn't seem normal at all. Maybe he should see a doctor? it shouldn't be hurting him

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    • missmystery
      10 years ago | pl

      I know, it just makes me feel even more unwanted etc..
      i know - im worried about that, i asked him to go to the doctor and he said he would if it happened again.. but we haven't had sex since :/

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  • prasatko
    10 years ago | pl

    His behaviour does NOT seem as normal to me. There may be many reasons for it, none of them very positive. Of course he might not like it the way you want it, but it would not be necessary to refuse sex completely. Anyway, may I ask what you mean by the "kinky stuff"?

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    • missmystery
      10 years ago | pl

      Yeah that's what i thought.. i mean like if i really want it and he doesn't want to go all the way that's fair enough.. but there's other things he could do ;)
      I mean.. BDSM style stuff, i love being submissive.. but he was bought up with very gentlemanly manners of don't hit girls and things but he said he doesn't mind/enjoys doing that.. but i think the handcuffs and belts were maybe a bit too much for him? :/

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      • prasatko
        10 years ago | pl

        Yes, these gentlemanly manners might be the reason for his reluctance. Unfortunately, being a gentleman in bed is not the best way to bring satisfaction to the woman who is sexually submissive. He should apply his gentlemanly manner in a more sexual way: "My girl wants to be tied up or spanked or whatever and I should make her wishes come true if I am a real gentleman. A real gentleman would never deny a girl her pleasures:)".
        (...easier said than done, I know...)

        Even if he is reluctant to go into the kinky stuff, he should do his best to have sex with you as often as you need it. It is just my opinion.

        Might it be the case that he avoids it because he feel inadequate or that he is worried that he is not able to satisfy you fully? Then, it can lead him to escape from sex in general which is maybe understandable but it is the worst thing to do.

        As for his sexual preference - is he closer to the dominant or submissive role himself? One problem may be that if he is more sexually submissive, then he might feel awkward or insufficient or inadequate in the dominant role and this can be an even bigger obstacle than his gentlemanly manners. But anyway, belts and handcuffs are nice whether you are in the dominant or submissive role, so it should not be such a big obstacle. And if he is closer to the submissive pole, cunnilingus while you are tied up might be a good compromise and it also reduces his possible anxiety from not having a firm erection all the time. I would suggest experimenting for example with oral sex according to your and his preferences and maybe implementing some aspects of BDSM into this field (as a giver or a receiver).

        But the first step should be getting rid of the gentlemanly manners that stand in the way of your sexual satisfaction. A real gentleman should be always willing even to beat or rape his lady if she has these desires:) ...just joking, please don´t take me wrong:)

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        • missmystery
          10 years ago | pl

          Thankyou - there's some really good advice there :) he is definitely more into the dominant side, he's said he doesnt like being tied up himself but likes me tied up, and the first night i was with him i asked him what he liked and his answer was 'to get my own way' (which of course i was perfectly happy to let him do! :P i will try your other tips :) thanks xx

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  • CollegeIsNotAsAwesomeAsIImagin
    10 years ago | pl

    Wish i had a girl like you, i am horny even after insanely hot sex

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