I don't know if I can talk to my mother about it. It would destroy their marriage. They both had problems when I was a kid and they were both quite abusive to me. (My mom is Borderline & bi-polar, so she has some problems too). They nearly got divorced when I was young and they are just now starting to love each other--and me--again. What if I'm wrong? I would destroy my relationship with my dad and he would never talk to me again. And my mom wouldn't either. My sister would tell me I'm crazy and trying to start drama. I wouldn't have a family anymore.
I feel a lot of guilt and shame and self-hatred because of abuse in my past but I never thought it was sexual. My mom told me she always suspected I was sexual abused somewhere but I've written it off as paranoia because she was sexually abused herself as a child.
Do you really think I might've been sexually abused? I can't bear to think my dad could've done something like that to me. I'm in the U.S. but I live with my parents to save money in college. They're better now. To each other and to me. But I don't want to believe my dad could've done this.....
Thank you for your reply and concern. This is putting my life in a different light now.
Don't let people put ideas in your head. People can be made to think they committed a crime just through the power of suggestion. It's a phenomenon that police have often exploited to frame suspects during interrogations.
If you can't remember being abused then you probably weren't. The world isn't full of monsters lurking around every corner. Your father could be attracted to you. It happens and he didn't ask to have those feelings if he does. Gently let him know that you're uncomfortable with his commenting on your body. He might get mad but he'll get over it. He needs to know that he can't act on any feelings that he might have, and that they are UNWELCOME. If he has any good in him and values the father daughter relationship you two have, then on some level he'll appreciate it and be relieved. If not, then you'll have to think about withdrawing from the relationship.
Agreed, once again Ellenna is attempting to spread her misguided liberal opinions to the poor girl, she doesn't realize that by introducing such sick thoughts to the normal situation of a father complementing his daughter will likely ruin the relationship between the both of them. If nothing inappropriate happened there is nothing to worry about. The fact that everyone is trying to over-diagnose situations is very alarming, most fathers compliment their daughters looks and yes that includes, if it makes you uncomfortable you could always lightly tell him to stop
for example
Dad: Your looking good in that dress Isabella
You:Dad! Stop!(in a joking tone)"
Dad: Laughs and continues on with his day
Its pretty simple, although if he does start making physical advances on you that is totally inappropriate and you have every right to no longer to to him.
OK, it doesn't sound at all appropriate to bring this up in your family at this stage, but I do strongly recommend you get some professional help: whatever has happened and who, if anyone, sexually abused you your feelings are throwing you into turmoil and that won't just go away by itself.
I have no idea what resources are available in the US for this sort of situation, but someone on here will know if you give your state.
Honey, it mightn't have been your dad, but you do need to find out and the answer is within you. The fear of destroying the family is what stops a lot of abused people from speaking out about it and I'm sure it's possible for you to get support somewhere to work out what is best for you to do.
IIN that my dad makes comments about my body & makes me uncomfortable?
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I don't know if I can talk to my mother about it. It would destroy their marriage. They both had problems when I was a kid and they were both quite abusive to me. (My mom is Borderline & bi-polar, so she has some problems too). They nearly got divorced when I was young and they are just now starting to love each other--and me--again. What if I'm wrong? I would destroy my relationship with my dad and he would never talk to me again. And my mom wouldn't either. My sister would tell me I'm crazy and trying to start drama. I wouldn't have a family anymore.
I feel a lot of guilt and shame and self-hatred because of abuse in my past but I never thought it was sexual. My mom told me she always suspected I was sexual abused somewhere but I've written it off as paranoia because she was sexually abused herself as a child.
Do you really think I might've been sexually abused? I can't bear to think my dad could've done something like that to me. I'm in the U.S. but I live with my parents to save money in college. They're better now. To each other and to me. But I don't want to believe my dad could've done this.....
Thank you for your reply and concern. This is putting my life in a different light now.
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John4555t
8 years ago
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Ellenna
8 years ago
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Don't let people put ideas in your head. People can be made to think they committed a crime just through the power of suggestion. It's a phenomenon that police have often exploited to frame suspects during interrogations.
If you can't remember being abused then you probably weren't. The world isn't full of monsters lurking around every corner. Your father could be attracted to you. It happens and he didn't ask to have those feelings if he does. Gently let him know that you're uncomfortable with his commenting on your body. He might get mad but he'll get over it. He needs to know that he can't act on any feelings that he might have, and that they are UNWELCOME. If he has any good in him and values the father daughter relationship you two have, then on some level he'll appreciate it and be relieved. If not, then you'll have to think about withdrawing from the relationship.
--
RamenNoodleMaster#2
7 years ago
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Agreed, once again Ellenna is attempting to spread her misguided liberal opinions to the poor girl, she doesn't realize that by introducing such sick thoughts to the normal situation of a father complementing his daughter will likely ruin the relationship between the both of them. If nothing inappropriate happened there is nothing to worry about. The fact that everyone is trying to over-diagnose situations is very alarming, most fathers compliment their daughters looks and yes that includes, if it makes you uncomfortable you could always lightly tell him to stop
for example
Dad: Your looking good in that dress Isabella
You:Dad! Stop!(in a joking tone)"
Dad: Laughs and continues on with his day
Its pretty simple, although if he does start making physical advances on you that is totally inappropriate and you have every right to no longer to to him.
--
lakskfkgkgk
4 years ago
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Agree, I think complimenting people is completely normal. Thank you
OK, it doesn't sound at all appropriate to bring this up in your family at this stage, but I do strongly recommend you get some professional help: whatever has happened and who, if anyone, sexually abused you your feelings are throwing you into turmoil and that won't just go away by itself.
I have no idea what resources are available in the US for this sort of situation, but someone on here will know if you give your state.
Honey, it mightn't have been your dad, but you do need to find out and the answer is within you. The fear of destroying the family is what stops a lot of abused people from speaking out about it and I'm sure it's possible for you to get support somewhere to work out what is best for you to do.
Take care of yourself and stay in touch
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justpasssingthrough
8 years ago
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Thank you for your help. If I find anything out I will let you know.
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Ellenna
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I'm glad if anything I've said helped - take care