Is it normal that my brother touched me when we were kids?

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5 Comments

I'm 20 years old, but I remember most of my childhood as a nightmare but it actually happened. My brother is four years older than me, and he started touching me sexually when I was 4 or 5. My parents knew, because I told them, but they chose to ignore it. The sexual fondling stopped when I was 10 years old.
Most people tell me I was sexually abused, but my mom just recently told me" it wasn't that bad, because we were both young." I felt very belittled when she said that. Now I am questioning whether or not I was sexually abused at all. Please tell me what you think.
Also both my parents caught my brother doing sexual things to me, 3 separate times. His punishment was a harsh beating by my dad, but my brother never stopped because of my parents. Now, he is about to graduate college and has never endured any other consequences for his actions.
By the way, I know this isn't normal. I want to know if I was sexually abused or traumatized as a child. Or is what happened to me normal kid behavior. Please help.

Is It Normal?
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  • randomjelly
    12 years ago | pl

    It does happen to many....but that doesn't mean it wasn't abuse. I endured a very very similar situation and while I consider it abuse I feel that I would have been more disturbed if the acts had been committed by an adult. But that's me...everyone is different and being violated is being violated.

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  • chuy
    7 years ago | pl

    this kind of behavior is normal in children, its all natural curiosity. but there's two things that bother me 1 big age difference and 2 your parents not doing anything about it

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  • guppygirl
    12 years ago | pl

    The same thing happened to me. Yes is was sexual abuse. My brother got away with it too. I'm 20 as well. It messed me up a lot. My parents chose to ignore it and just ground him for a while. My sister told me to "get over it" and that it was nothing because it happens to other girls all the time. That traumatized me just as much (this is called secondary trauma, and it studies show that it can be as harmful as the abuse itself).

    Thankfully he stopped doing it. I'm just about to move out, and I think it'll make the world of difference.

    I started therapy once I wasn't protected under the children's act, because I (still stupidly) feel loyalty for my brother and wouldn't want him arrested.

    Therapy helped. You just have to find the right therapist. Also move out as soon as you can.

    Be careful because you're more susceptible to abusive relationships.

    I wish you all the luck in the world. PM me if you need to talk...it looks like we have a lot in common.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    Even if it only happens once, it is abuse because it was against your own will. You were abused and I am so sorry you had to go through this expecially knowing your parents knew and did nothing to stop it.

    You have the power to choose where your life will go eventually and how you will deal with these events. But believe me when I tell you, it is not your fault, it never was your fault and it never will be your fault.

    I wish you the best luck and wishes in the world.

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  • moomus
    12 years ago | pl

    In my opinion you was abused. It wasn't a one off and when it stopped he was 14. Thats old enough to know better in my opinion

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