Is it normal that my boyfriend wont 'open up' to me?

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21 Comments

So here is what's going on. IT MIGHT get a little long but please I need someones advice.

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We spend a month together at my place in july- august and now the last couple of weeks he has been so distant. Here's another thing, he is depressed and he see's a shrink. I fully understand that he cannot nor will tell me everything. I also don't need that. But he barely speaks to me these days. (we speak on skype or well normally we would speak hours on skype) Now all I get is a 'hi and whats up'.

I am also the one to always say I love you and he replies. Not the other way around. I told him that im scared of losing him and he said "dont be".
Why won't he talk to me? Why won't he open up? I dont know what I can do. I may have been quite clingy cause ive been so sad about it. So now im trying to back a little off and give him space which is what I think he needs. BUT today he hasnt written me once. Im hoping and waiting for him to write but nothing... What do you guys think is going on and why is it he pushes me away? :( Is it me or does he just want to deal with his problems himself?

ty so much for reading xx

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68% Normal
Based on 78 votes (53 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • elliegirl
    13 years ago

    I don't know your exact situation and I don't want to judge you, but although it hurts if you really do love him don't push this. It could possibly make him feel smothered and distance himself from you even more. Not because he wants to necessarily, because of his condition. Hope this helps.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Sounds like a keeper.. Not. I don't know why you even bother. Sounds like you'll get more pain then pleasure out of this. If he can't talk to you honestly, the relationship won't work. Takes two to have a relationship, not one..

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    • Sugarcoateddoll
      13 years ago

      First. THANK YOU all for replying <3

      momonator, yeah at the moment it does hurt but 3 weeks ago it was perfectly fine as it have been the last 8 months. It's first now where he is going through the depression that he pushes me away.

      Babe7575, you are probably right when you say I shouldn't try to figure him out. And maybe he doesn't consider my feelings atm but as said above 3 weeks ago it was fine. Right now he has just turned into someone who seem not to care about anything. And yes one of my friends has told me to just keep a distance and focus on myself until my bf turns to me (as he hopefully will :x)

      Aussiewolf, thank you so much your kind words really calmed me somewhat. I actually dealt with a depression some years ago myself so I know what it is like. And thats why I'm trying to pull back now cause we all deal with it differently at the time being, like you, I had a boyfriend back then helping me through it too. Thus' im trying to help my bf now. But, maybe he is just different in that way. He often likes to tackle problems himself.

      Elliegirl, thank you and you are right it's also what some friend has told me. That I might be too clingy at the moment which I discovered myself too. And I do it of course from the best intentions but I have to just stop it. Cause if it was me I guess I would feel the same. Thank and yes it helped.

      xo, sugarcoateddoll

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  • andrian007
    13 years ago

    Man, I don't believe none of the posters here has mentioned the obvious. I thought this should be blindingly obvious to everyone.

    Now, this guy has gone to see a shrink, what does that tell you? If he abruptly became distant and is now depressed, doesn't that tell you something? Something has happened to him, something so bad he doesn't want to talk about it. One possibility; he just lost a loved one and he just doesn't know how to handle it. Possibility two; he was raped and he was so ashamed of it that he doesn't know how to open up.

    OK, I hope it's not that severe, but you know what I mean. Something very traumatic has happened to him and this has completely and emotionally shut him down.

    WOMAN, LISTEN TO ME. The more he pushes you away, the more you have to stick by your man. You want him to declare his undying love for you? You want him to go down on one knee and ask you to spend the rest of your life with him? Then go earn it! He's chucked you purely out of shame for himself, whatever it is that happened to him. If you walk out on him, you've condemned him to a long period of depression. That's just the way men are, when they feel weak and vulnerable, they shut down emotionally and push everyone away. This is when he needs you the most.

    I know long-distance relationships are hard, but at the very least you have to call him occasionally. You don't have to try and dig into his problems and find out, just engage in small chat a few minutes a day every day and show him and you think about him. Be patient and one day he will open up.

    HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago

    depression is awful to have. a few years ago i was at my worst with my depression and i didnt talk to anyone, i didnt know how to so maybe he doesnt know how to explain how he feels? i was very lucky that my partner supported me and helped me through it otherwise i dont know what i would have done so its good that he is getting help. but it does sound like you are being a little bit overwhelming and he might be trying to give you a hint to give him some space. its not the end of the world if you dont talk to each other for one day. give him some time to miss you.

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  • BoredGuy
    13 years ago

    I hope you are not listening to every crap advice pol are posting here, filter them out, check Aussie reply again

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  • isit123
    13 years ago

    Maybe he thinks your sad and hes having trouble or hes cheating or his family or friend could have passed away? He may just be hiding something and is mad he did it be careful and find out sorry for my horrible sentences.

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  • Sugarcoateddoll
    13 years ago

    No not at all xD Im from europe!

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago

    yep aussie born and bred, im from adelaide. are you in australia too?

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  • Sugarcoateddoll
    13 years ago

    hahah yeah that is corny :D but it made me giggle so thank you! since you are aussiewolf I take it you are from Australia? :D

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago

    yeah i understand but it will be when you least expect it, you will meet the man of your dreams. i am going to be really corny now but its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. wow its worse putting that in writing lol

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  • Sugarcoateddoll
    13 years ago

    thank you aussiewolf. And yeah I know long distance are hard. But we were making plans for the future. And maybe I did expect too much but ive never been so in love (still am).

    damn those men :C (no offense guys :p)

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago

    sorry sugercateddoll, you just never can tell with people, especially if you havent known them for very long. my sister was married to a guy for 10 years and no-one suspected a thing when he went to work in the US and he cheated on my sister. he actually used the whole "depression" thing too and said that he was depressed because they lived so far apart. but it doesnt matter now because you arent together anymore. just be mindful next time and fyi long distance relationships hardly ever work out.

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  • Sugarcoateddoll
    13 years ago

    "Thecarp"
    he wasn't/ isn't
    I've had other boyfriends before where I could believe they could cheat, but my bf now ex, isn't like that. He just.. isnt

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  • Thecarp
    13 years ago

    Sorry but he was cheating.

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  • Sugarcoateddoll
    13 years ago

    *NEW INFO ABOUT THE POST*

    - He broke up with me. He told me that he is miserable cause of the distance. I just got my heart ripped out. And same day, yesterday, was good he called me in the morning to say sorry for how he had been the last couple of days/weeks...

    god... :( </3

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    • kawasakirider
      13 years ago

      Sorry that he broke up with you. On the bright side, maybe it'll give him the time he needs to sort out his personal issues so that he can resume his relationship with you on a positive note. I know you said you're still in love with him, so do both of yourselves a favor and don't give up on him just yet. I wish you all the best for the future. Take care.

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  • immasexyboy3
    13 years ago

    Go visit him for a couple days. It might help.

    Also, he might feel as if everything changing around him, or basically that you have a separate life from his. Try to initiate conversations more.

    But in the end, it doesn't even matter...haha

    ^linking park, September 14

    But I think he just misses you. :)

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  • Sugarcoateddoll
    13 years ago

    Gangsta2, what do you mean if anything happened at my place? Cause well nothing bad happened at least. we were happy. He just needs some space I think to deal with whatever it is. Thank you for your advice though!

    xo

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  • gangsta2
    13 years ago

    listen shawty dont worry bout that dude obviously he has problems so what u want to do is try to get him to talk and if he dont talk then the relation ship aint working got to drop him and another thing did any thing happen at ur place to make him shut his mouth not trying to be mean but that could be his problem to. any way keep ya head up ight

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  • babe7575
    13 years ago

    Don't try to figure him out. that would confuse you even more! he seems immature because he does not consider your feelings. Try to focus on your life and making it better... with or without him. sorry, but if you focus on yourself instead of him then you would be much happier. the past is the past.

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