This doesn't sound good. You are in a relationship with one another, but that doesn't give him the right to become intimate with you without your consent.
From your description, it seems like you were pretty out of it at the time. That means you were unable to give any consent and that makes what he did wrong- even more so because he was in a clear state of mind and knew what he was doing. He did take advantage of you and that's not okay under any circumstances, regardless of if you'd done those particular activities before.
No-one here knows his character better than you do. There's really no excuse he could give that would make it okay, but have you asked him about it?
I just wonder if it was a one-time thing he was trying in a lapse of judgement or if he's that type of person. If you think he is, it'd probably be good to get some time apart or at the very least, try not to get too intoxicated around him. It's not your responsibility to keep him from sexually assaulting you, but if you think there's even the possibility of him trying to do something you don't want, keep yourself as safe as possible.
While I agree with most of what you were said and think it is overall good advice to OP.
I don't get the:
"That means you were unable to give any consent"
She wasn't unconscious just drunk. "kissing and dry-humping. I get really horny when I'm drunk." It sounds like she gave consent. Whether that consent is legally sound depends on where you are. Consent means to give agreement to do something, of course you can agree to do things if you are drunk.
OP:
With you being a virgin he used alcohol to get you to do something you wouldn't have done while sober. That is morally wrong on his part. I would strongly think about ending a relationship if it happened to me. It is not ok.
It does depend on where she is, but it's never really morally okay to take advantage of a drunk person, especially considering that they'd never done anything like that before. Even if she was coming onto him beforehand, it doesn't mean he can then do whatever he wants with her. I realize she wasn't unconscious, but she wasn't in her full, right mind either.
I have no idea about his motives- it could just have been an honest mistake, but considering the fact he'd never tried to do anything like that with her before and instead chose the moment when she wasn't in full control as an opportunity to try leads me to be suspicious of his motives and whether or not her consent was of importance to him.
IIN that my boyfriend maybe took advantage of me when I was drunk?
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This doesn't sound good. You are in a relationship with one another, but that doesn't give him the right to become intimate with you without your consent.
From your description, it seems like you were pretty out of it at the time. That means you were unable to give any consent and that makes what he did wrong- even more so because he was in a clear state of mind and knew what he was doing. He did take advantage of you and that's not okay under any circumstances, regardless of if you'd done those particular activities before.
No-one here knows his character better than you do. There's really no excuse he could give that would make it okay, but have you asked him about it?
I just wonder if it was a one-time thing he was trying in a lapse of judgement or if he's that type of person. If you think he is, it'd probably be good to get some time apart or at the very least, try not to get too intoxicated around him. It's not your responsibility to keep him from sexually assaulting you, but if you think there's even the possibility of him trying to do something you don't want, keep yourself as safe as possible.
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SuperBenzid
9 years ago
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While I agree with most of what you were said and think it is overall good advice to OP.
I don't get the:
"That means you were unable to give any consent"
She wasn't unconscious just drunk. "kissing and dry-humping. I get really horny when I'm drunk." It sounds like she gave consent. Whether that consent is legally sound depends on where you are. Consent means to give agreement to do something, of course you can agree to do things if you are drunk.
OP:
With you being a virgin he used alcohol to get you to do something you wouldn't have done while sober. That is morally wrong on his part. I would strongly think about ending a relationship if it happened to me. It is not ok.
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Acerbic
9 years ago
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It does depend on where she is, but it's never really morally okay to take advantage of a drunk person, especially considering that they'd never done anything like that before. Even if she was coming onto him beforehand, it doesn't mean he can then do whatever he wants with her. I realize she wasn't unconscious, but she wasn't in her full, right mind either.
I have no idea about his motives- it could just have been an honest mistake, but considering the fact he'd never tried to do anything like that with her before and instead chose the moment when she wasn't in full control as an opportunity to try leads me to be suspicious of his motives and whether or not her consent was of importance to him.
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TheInsignificantGirl
9 years ago
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You talk a lot of sense. I suppose I'll have to talk to him about it... That's going to be a difficult topic to broach. Any idea how to phrase it?
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Agirlsbestfriend.
9 years ago
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Let's talk about rape, baby
Let's talk about you and me,
Let's talk about feeling my junk,
When I get drunk,
That's slea-zy,
Let's talk about rape,
Let's talk about rape.
Worked for me