IIN that my boyfriend lied about my race

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  • Looks like lot of people have biased opinions of Indians and is not giving you any practical and reasonable advice. They are bringing in their own feelings where as they should have focused on you. So I will try to be extra level-headed.

    You need to consider 3 things:

    1. How does his friends treat you and how often do you hang out with them?
    2. How close is he with his parents?
    3. Do you trust each other enough to discuss the difficult questions?

    1. How does his friends treat you and how often do you hang out with them? If you see any sign that he doesn't want his friends to see you with him, that is a red-flag and chances are, he isn't serious. But if his friends are welcoming and treat you well, that is a good sign. It means he isn't trying to hide your relationship from others. Ask him to introduce you to other friends of his too. Relationship with parents is a totally different matter.

    2. How close is he with his parents? Old people in India are racist and bigoted and they don't want their sons/daughter to be married to other races, not even whites or blacks. So if he is lying just to his parents, that by itself is not a red-flag as long as he is independent and is ready to go against their wishes. But if he is too close to his parents that's a bad sign. Look, if he is serious and there is a chance that eventually you two might get married, he needs to be ready to cut ties with his parents. If he is not, then that's a bad sign. Which brings me to the third point.

    3. Can you have an open and honest discussion with him and ask each other the difficult questions? If push comes to shove and if his mother forbids him from marrying someone from another race, is he ready to cut ties with her? Ask him that. If he is being evasive, it's a red flag. But if you are able to have an open and honest conversation, that's a very good sign.

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