Masturbation is not a substitute but simply a form of sex which is different from intercourse, a second way of reaching orgasms. It is not that you masturbate as long as you have no partner, then stop it altogether and switch exclusively to making love! Most people do both, and this does not at all mean they no longer love their partner or something like that when they pleasure themselves. Masturbation is more reliable: You know which "cinema" your arousal needs and what you have to do to drive yourself over the edge. There is (almost) no risk of failure, and it is much easier to find release. Therefore many guys masturbate on a regular basis even in a partnership.
A first consequence is that a guy who masturbates frequently may not feel horny enough to seek sexual intercourse, a second consequence is that he will avoid the embarrassment of a possible failure (being not hard enough, having a sore sensation, not having produced enough sperm since the last masturbation session, etc.). Instead of explaining all this - which a woman may find hard to understand -, he rather uses the typical lame excuses you mentioned. I assume he would love to give you what you need, and it would even meet his own desires, but I guess he is in the grip of masturbation and can't help it. If so, you also should not think you are not attractive for him anymore.
Now please be wise and do not interrogate him! Even if you ask him if he masturbates you risk that he will give the untrue answer "no", just to avoid embarrassing discussions. Don't... What you describe happens in many partnerships. I don't know of a recipe to overcome it. Some couples don't manage and split up, others find a successful solution. It can't be a mistake to try to understand the above even if you'd like that it were different.
Yes, there may exist cases where he has found a more fascinating woman. But you'd realize that by other signs. Avoid this suspicion if you can - if not justified it would make the situation dramatically worse.
Is it normal that my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore?
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Masturbation is not a substitute but simply a form of sex which is different from intercourse, a second way of reaching orgasms. It is not that you masturbate as long as you have no partner, then stop it altogether and switch exclusively to making love! Most people do both, and this does not at all mean they no longer love their partner or something like that when they pleasure themselves. Masturbation is more reliable: You know which "cinema" your arousal needs and what you have to do to drive yourself over the edge. There is (almost) no risk of failure, and it is much easier to find release. Therefore many guys masturbate on a regular basis even in a partnership.
A first consequence is that a guy who masturbates frequently may not feel horny enough to seek sexual intercourse, a second consequence is that he will avoid the embarrassment of a possible failure (being not hard enough, having a sore sensation, not having produced enough sperm since the last masturbation session, etc.). Instead of explaining all this - which a woman may find hard to understand -, he rather uses the typical lame excuses you mentioned. I assume he would love to give you what you need, and it would even meet his own desires, but I guess he is in the grip of masturbation and can't help it. If so, you also should not think you are not attractive for him anymore.
Now please be wise and do not interrogate him! Even if you ask him if he masturbates you risk that he will give the untrue answer "no", just to avoid embarrassing discussions. Don't... What you describe happens in many partnerships. I don't know of a recipe to overcome it. Some couples don't manage and split up, others find a successful solution. It can't be a mistake to try to understand the above even if you'd like that it were different.
Yes, there may exist cases where he has found a more fascinating woman. But you'd realize that by other signs. Avoid this suspicion if you can - if not justified it would make the situation dramatically worse.
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robbieforgotpw
9 years ago
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Nice book