Is it normal that my boyfreind wants me to be controlling in bed ?

73% Normal
21 Comments

Hi everyone my name is Nichole I'm 26 and I been going out with my boyfriend for a year now. I need some advice and maybe answers. When me and my boyfriend have sex he wants me to hold him down or tie him up. He also wants me to role play ( which I honestly hate and just never good at it) I believe I'm great in bed and he tells me this everyday i am. But then when I say no to role playing it's like disappointment. But I don't know if it's normal for me to feel bad or for him to make me feel bad for not doing it. Is this an everyday thing that happens in a relationship?

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 73 votes (53 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • Curiouscatso
    7 years ago

    Role playing doesn't always have to be intensely dominant-submissive. It could be teacher,-student, nurse-patient etc. Maybe worth getting into details of what his actual fantasies are.

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    • Ellenna
      7 years ago

      But she doesn't like role playing!

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    • Nichole2016
      7 years ago

      He never really tells me it's more like make me ur salve . Right then I get turned off . I don't mind holding him down or tieing him up but then I'm totally thrown off by stuff he says . And role playing I'm just horrible at it n I have no idea what to say . He just gets kinda sad . But I'm always trying to make sure I please him but I feel horrible when I say no I don't like role playing .

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      • VenomBurn
        7 years ago | pl

        Well why should he always get what he wants? If you don't like role playing or the whole thing makes you feel bad and you just want to please him, but are turned off while doing it, then only one of you can enjoy it. Tell him you don't mind this (be specific) and say but l dont like that (be specific). Do things you can both enjoy, don't do it because he wants it. Communication is key in any and every relationship. Good luck, I hope you can work something out.

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        • Ellenna
          7 years ago

          Great response - you're spot on!

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      • Shak
        7 years ago

        Its ok, if you don't like it tell him how you feel, I am sure he will understand, and if he is a good boy friend he will respect your feelings. I never do anything my wife doesn't want me to do in bed, and she is the same with me. I am a 35 year old man now and we have been married for over 10 years, and still love every moment of us together, and our times in bed is the most precious time in our life...

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      • ʇɐq_ɐ_ɯı_ןoן
        7 years ago

        ˙ɥʇıʍ ʞɹoʍ oʇ ɥɔnɯ noʎ ǝʌıƃ ʇ,usǝop ǝɥ ˙pǝʇɐʇıɹɹı ʇıq ɐ ǝq oslɐ plnoʍ ı ǝʌlɐs oʇuı pǝuɹnʇ ƃuıǝq ɟo ʎsɐʇuɐɟ sıɥ pıɐ oʇ ʇods ǝɥʇ uo dn ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ǝʞɐɯ puɐ ʎɐldǝloɹ oʇ noʎ sʇuɐʍ ʎpoqǝɯos ɟı ˙noʎ ǝɯɐlq ʇ,uop ı

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      • Ellenna
        7 years ago

        Keep saying no! It's disrespectful of him to try & manipulate you ("gets kinda sad") into doing anything you're not comfortable with.

        If he's not getting his needs met that's his problem to sort out, not yours to satisfy against your own wishes

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  • ThatOneDudez
    7 years ago

    It's normal that he's into these sorts of things. Everyone is different, it's just his kink. However, if you yourself are not into being dominant and role-playing with him, you need to tell him that. He might be disappointed, but he should also be able to accept the fact that you don't like doing that.

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  • yourdeepestshame143
    7 years ago

    Sound hot.

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  • Nichole2016
    7 years ago

    Well guys I finally came out and told him if you really want me to role play your going to have to find something that will help me feel more comfortable acting it out. If not I will not do this at all. He said okay and that he thinks it's cute that I'm trying to act this out but doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable. But for

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  • notmyfirstaccount
    7 years ago

    Yes, some are dom some are sub.

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  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    Ugh.. I had a ex-boyfriend exactly like this before. Same problem too!

    Basically, there's nothing wrong with his fantasies or fetish, it's just his way of going about it is unhealthy and selfish. Think about it, he's well-aware that role-playing makes you uncomfortable, yet he keeps asking and showing obvious disappointment. This tactic is called guilt-tripping. He's presenting you with what he wants, and punishing you with his sadness or groveling, as if saying, "You don't want me to be happy?" or "Come on, do it just once!" Sadly, it's extremely effective, especially if you have strong feelings toward the person who is guilt-tripping you, because of course you want to see them happy.

    What to do? Talk to him about how you're feeling. Try to see if you two can compromise, so you both can be happy and aroused together. If he makes excuses, bargaining (ex: if you do this, I do that for you!"), or just simply refusing to budge on his fantasy, then you may have a problem.

    Unfortunately, in my experiences, talking it out never solved the issue. Eventually, his selfishness started appearing in other aspect of our relationship over the years.

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    • Nichole2016
      7 years ago

      I have talked to him about it then he doesn't ask for awhile and then bam! It's happening all over again. He always tells me I'm not meaning to make u do it. If I can get better at it then ya maybe I will consider it. But I literally suck at role playing. And I keep thinking maybe it's bec I don't like it. Like last night he asked again I just looked at him and said I'm taking a shower. I don't understand why he doesn't get it. Or is it all men are like this.

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      • Tealights
        7 years ago

        Sadly, he's neither going to stop, nor start caring about your discomfort. If you do choose to try practicing and forcing yourself to like it, I really hope he appreciate your effort.

        However, as someone who been through a similar situation, I can confidently say that not all men are like this, and that if you can't find happiness with this guy, you can definitely find it with another if you choose carefully.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    7 years ago

    Speak to him about it.

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    • Nichole2016
      7 years ago

      I try and it goes threw one ear and out the other . It's like he doesn't ask for a lil bit then a few days later it's back to the same .

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  • wanttofuckass
    7 years ago

    i want mt wife to do everything with me all dreams

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  • Nichole2016
    7 years ago

    The thing is I don't mind role playing ( if I was good at it ) but I'm not I get a confused and it starts to be embarrassed and I'm super comfy around him I just don't like the feeling. I looked on everything how to act out the best way for role play. And for some reason nothing is working. Can it be that I'm his first and he's not mine ( I have more experience then him) our sex life is great ! Two to three times a day (if where both off) how do I get out of this fear ? And has any women out there been put in the situation? I'm all about pleasing my man it just confuses me why this is so important to him. Why do guys love to role playing. ?it makes me feel I'm not enough or I'm not doing it right.

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    • Leonard_Hatred
      7 years ago

      Maybe he needs to explore what it is in his life or his history that causes him to want that. If you are going to continue together he needs to work out this issue, because it's obvious you're not into it (it's perfectly ok to not want it)

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  • Curious-trans
    7 years ago

    Its normal, and him being dissapointed is quite understandable no one likes getting there sexual desires denied but when it comes to sex its a 2+ way street so if its not your thing then dont feel bad for rejecting it, maybe just go wlong with ut then on his birthday or something make it w treat if it doesnt make you to uncomfortable

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