Is it normal that my best friend is terrified of me?

If he's afraid of a man's voice, then try a female therapist?

Then, listen to her recommendations. People can become seemingly impossibly messed up, but there's always hope. I think he *can* be helped.

Oh yeah, I was thinking about getting him a cat. He always wanted one when we were younger, but obviously couldn't get one.

They are supposed to be theraputic right? Are certain cats better than others? I wanted to surprise him or do you think I should take him to the shelter and pick one out?

I'm not really sure if I was supposed to respond to all of you or not, but I decided to anyways. Sorry it took this long.

I did end up taking him to the ER. I really didn't want to take him, but after an awfully bad night that's where we ended up. We were there all night, they pumped him full of fluids, ran a bunch of tests, put a feeding tube down his nose, and then put him inpatient.

They put him in the psych ward, but he didn't do the therapy and such with all of the other patients. We decided to just bring in the therapists, and psychiatrists to him instead. He was there for about two and a half weeks.

He's been back with me for a while now, and he's doing a lot better. He obviously isn't in very good shape yet, but he is still a lot better than before. He is seeing therapists and psychiatrists regulary, I make him write in a journal every day, and he's had to have a few surgerys from damage over the years. Including a feeding tube in his stomach. the doctors said he had some sort of damage with his dietary tract or something so that is why he has a hard time eating without puking it up. hopefully we'll be able to take it out soon.

He's still skinny as hell, but so am I. And he doesn't look like a skeleton with tissue paper wrapped around it anymore so I'm not too worried about that. Mostly I just worry about his mental health. Which is still bad but not nearly as bad as it was. I can touch him without him cowering, he talks(he even speaks some english now, though you can't really understand him since his accent is so thick so it's a bit pointless), sometimes he sleeps through the night, and he'll come out of the house with me. I even took him to the aquarium last friday (now he thinks we need to get a blue ringed octopus, which are extremly poisonous by the way) Not great but still good.

oh and to xino00 (35159), all of Russia isn't that bad, Moscow is for the most part especially where we lived. I think we both probably had the worst luck in the world back then too. I think that has finally changed for the better though (I even won twenty bucks from a lottery ticket yesterday)

I wanted to thank you all for your great advice. It really helped. Hopefully he keeps getting better.

Also when he is ready to put it all behind him let him burn the journal to symbolize that it's all gone and over.

This breaks my heart to hear about. He's lucky to have a friend like you. If he's throwing up everything he is seriously sick, he needs to see a doc. Try a free clinic. If he doesn't want to see a shrink then try to get him to write in a journal. Even if no one else ever reads it just getting out could be a big help.

He's clearly dealing with some sort of post traumatic stress disorder, and is in need of therapy. If he's starving himself, you can get him admitted to an Eating Disorder Syndrome ward, and they'll take good care of him. I know you're worried that it will be more traumatic, but, trust me, it isn't going to be anywhere near the level of trauma that he's obviously been through, it can only do him good and I hope you'll seek something for him, he will probably die otherwise.

@ mercedes Oh just curious

@abdul009-- No.

WOW man...what a sad story! I thought he would be the one acting bad but he was the victim. Russia is really that bad?

I don't know how he can get over it. I mean...if I was in his position it may take a long time to forget.

I am not an expert and my words may mean nothing or may not work.

but if I was in your position.
I would suggest what MercendesBenZ says, about the ER stuff.
Make sure he gets proper food so he can gain some muscles.
Just try and show him the best of his life in US, so he can have fun. The fun may try to make him forget his past life.

Because your goal is to make him forget his past life experience and move on.
If he succeeds, he would look at his past life as an experience and wouldn't be afraid of it, he may show it to people or boast about it, and that experience will be a confidence to move on!

Tough case. I feel bad for him and you. Perhaps you should just keep trying to talk to him and assure him you mean no harm. Let him understand, in some way, that you really want to help him. If these approaches to gain his trust fail, you should instead bring the doctor or therapist..etc to him. Probably very expensive, but better than nothing. You have my regards, both of you.

First and foremost you need to help him get healthy. The fact he is so thin and is not holding down food is enough of a reason to get him into a doctor. He will not survive in this physical state. Make an appointment with a doctor or simply take him to the ER and tell them what you know. The ER can get him started on IV fluids if he is physically unsound. But be aware at the ER you will have a likely very long wait as they will have trauma patients and more urgent situations go before you. But if he has no medical insurance, the ER is likely the only option.

The mental state comes next. If youre able to get him into the ER, once you see the doctor tell him everything you know. Tell him he not only needs physical help but mental help as well. He may see a psychiatrist at the ER and they will determine if any inpatient or outpatient services are needed and get a referral done for him.

It sounds like quite a bit of trauma. But if this is your best friend, I know you will be there to help him. He is lucky to have a good friend like you. Do your best, but know the majority of effort must be made on his part. Stick it out. Good luck.

@mercedes are u a girl?