It's likely that this event did have a big impact on you, I mean if it was your first formative experience involving your sexuality than no doubt it has affected you. (Especially considering it's still a fantasy you masturbate to!)
While it was an illegal act, worrying too much about that wouldn't honestly get you but so far. It's good that you don't seem to be angry and dwelling on it, for what's in the past is in the past. (Not to dissuade you from seeking legal 'justice' if you felt so inclined, but I somehow doubt you do) Moving forward is good.
The only truly negative things you want to look out for are the effects it might have had. Do you have any "fetishes" that you think might relate? (a physical object or certain situation, like babysitters or being hurt?) Do you find yourself emotionally stuck at age 12 when you are sexual? You've already said you're not going to do anything sexual with someone that young, but are you attracted to them?
If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, it's possible it DID have a lasting effect on you. The next question to ask would be "Does this negatively impact my life?" because if not, then... well, you've successfully learned to cope with it, and you're likely a stronger person because of it. Don't worry too much, though :) If you are truly bothered do try seeing a therapist!
Well after reading some of your questions and answering them in my head, it DOES make me "truly bothered" in a way? I like to think I have good judgment and would never hurt anyone but if I answered yes does it mean I HAVE to see a therapist? They scare me. I just wanted reassurance that while yeah, it affected me, I would be ok anyways! What if it isn't currently negatively impacting my life, but possibly could? I don't want to need "therapy" or to go see a "shrink".
IIN that my babysitter was my first sexual encounter? (both female)
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It's likely that this event did have a big impact on you, I mean if it was your first formative experience involving your sexuality than no doubt it has affected you. (Especially considering it's still a fantasy you masturbate to!)
While it was an illegal act, worrying too much about that wouldn't honestly get you but so far. It's good that you don't seem to be angry and dwelling on it, for what's in the past is in the past. (Not to dissuade you from seeking legal 'justice' if you felt so inclined, but I somehow doubt you do) Moving forward is good.
The only truly negative things you want to look out for are the effects it might have had. Do you have any "fetishes" that you think might relate? (a physical object or certain situation, like babysitters or being hurt?) Do you find yourself emotionally stuck at age 12 when you are sexual? You've already said you're not going to do anything sexual with someone that young, but are you attracted to them?
If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, it's possible it DID have a lasting effect on you. The next question to ask would be "Does this negatively impact my life?" because if not, then... well, you've successfully learned to cope with it, and you're likely a stronger person because of it. Don't worry too much, though :) If you are truly bothered do try seeing a therapist!
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Well after reading some of your questions and answering them in my head, it DOES make me "truly bothered" in a way? I like to think I have good judgment and would never hurt anyone but if I answered yes does it mean I HAVE to see a therapist? They scare me. I just wanted reassurance that while yeah, it affected me, I would be ok anyways! What if it isn't currently negatively impacting my life, but possibly could? I don't want to need "therapy" or to go see a "shrink".