Ouch. . . that was pushing fiber glass into my ears. . . Geez, that was hard to read. Maybe you are completly right. I am so so so confused though... I'm actually not in love with my husband though.. I mean, I married him because of some bad stuff in my life he promised to help me with and he convinced me that he loved me and wanted the best for me. I was young and heart broken because no guy had ever really loved me before (they all just used me because I'm nice and fun and sometimes naive) so I felt so insecure after the rape that I was afraid to let the one and first person in the world that loved me slip through my fingers. Now that I'm married to him I think he is really just like all those other guys who don't really care about me. No one in my life really cares about me accept my mom. I'm short, really dark skinned, with bowed-legs, a crooked nose, a lazy eye, one foot bigger than the other, spaced out teeth, no curves (except for my butt -im very skinny and its quite big but that doesn't suffice for my flat chest!) My boobs are a whole cup size different. . . I mean its no wonder no guys wanted to be with me.. I do tend to dress really nice, and im a good singer and trained dancer and I draw well & always do my hair nice, I cook very good meals according 2 everyone, I make clothes, im trilingual, and Im very well organized and honest. girls love me (all my girl friends say im life of the party). Men hit on me and ask for my number and say im beautiful all the time, but im married to a guy who makes me feel like crap, look in mirror and see everything wrong with me and question if even God loves me (and if he did, why would he let me be so unloved by the opposite sex)? Ive heard from doctors that I'm completly normal and no one notices my crooked nose or "lazy" eye or smaller breast. They see my big smile smooth skin and big butt and think I'm good for sex (the doctor was a close friend who was Drunk at the time and being honest). So that hurts me but I stay with my hubby bcuz in the back of my mind I believe No man is ever going to really love Me for ME exactly how I am and neither will he. . . He is not some sexy hot guy either... I'm a beauty queen compared to him. Im cosmetically trained in makeup application so I look quite sexy when I take the time to. I just feel like neither of us will ever be lovable or appreciated and I prob have been making a daily self-conscious decision to stay because it's the Safest thing to do if I don't want to be alone in old age.
Oh my God!!! The more I read, the more I'm shocked!!!!!!
You don't even love him and you've tolerated all that crap?!?!
Get a divorce TODAY!!!
You just wrote a paragraph about the good qualities you have! He should be counting his blessings! He has a sweet hearted, talented, smart, fun and ambitious wife!! He is too blind because he is selfish!
You said like you feel that nobody cares about you except your Mom. I am sure this is not true; you're just feeling insecure because that brat you have at home makes you feel unloved. Action speaks louder than words. He may say he loves you, but from everything he does, seeems like the only person he loves is himself! In a twisted way too!
You do not need a man to feel safe and loved, dear. At least not now. I mean, you're still young! Get a divorce, go to college, go out with your friends, party hard, read a lot, travel around, enjoy life! Live!! You are barely surviving and that's really sad. It's as if you are married to a physically disabled man, who got disabled after marriage so you pity him and don't have the heart to leave him, so you sacrifice and live with him, serving him like a maid does to her master, only that he does not appreciate your sacrifice and devotion.
I'm sorry maybe I'm spamming you with my comments, one after the other, but this makes me really sad. You have so much potential and I hate to see wasted talent, eventhough I don't know you and will never do. It is just simply sad and frustrating.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not weak, you're just giving up. Wake the hell up, and the comment above that someone wrote is very true. You're going to wake up one day, old and miserable. Luckily for you, you're still young and it's so not too late! Your life hasn't even began! You have SO much to do! God gave you this life as a gift and it is your responsibility to value it and make the best of it. Do that. You are throwing your life away. The privilege that God has given you, you are throwing it away. You do not have the right to do that to yourself and your life.
Go ahead and live it. Don't be afraid to be lonely. I'm sure you won't. The right time will come and you will find a man who will adore the ground you walk on, who will treat you royal and give you what you deserve. You will not end up lonely. And if you do not get remarried again, ever, I'm sure you will at least be a happy, proud, experienced and successful woman who lived her life fully.
Xxx
(I'm going to scroll down again, let's hope I won't find another shocking comment and bore you with my long comments!! :p I'm on my mobile so I'm reading the thread bit by bit)
Is it normal that im so dissapointed with my life?
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Ouch. . . that was pushing fiber glass into my ears. . . Geez, that was hard to read. Maybe you are completly right. I am so so so confused though... I'm actually not in love with my husband though.. I mean, I married him because of some bad stuff in my life he promised to help me with and he convinced me that he loved me and wanted the best for me. I was young and heart broken because no guy had ever really loved me before (they all just used me because I'm nice and fun and sometimes naive) so I felt so insecure after the rape that I was afraid to let the one and first person in the world that loved me slip through my fingers. Now that I'm married to him I think he is really just like all those other guys who don't really care about me. No one in my life really cares about me accept my mom. I'm short, really dark skinned, with bowed-legs, a crooked nose, a lazy eye, one foot bigger than the other, spaced out teeth, no curves (except for my butt -im very skinny and its quite big but that doesn't suffice for my flat chest!) My boobs are a whole cup size different. . . I mean its no wonder no guys wanted to be with me.. I do tend to dress really nice, and im a good singer and trained dancer and I draw well & always do my hair nice, I cook very good meals according 2 everyone, I make clothes, im trilingual, and Im very well organized and honest. girls love me (all my girl friends say im life of the party). Men hit on me and ask for my number and say im beautiful all the time, but im married to a guy who makes me feel like crap, look in mirror and see everything wrong with me and question if even God loves me (and if he did, why would he let me be so unloved by the opposite sex)? Ive heard from doctors that I'm completly normal and no one notices my crooked nose or "lazy" eye or smaller breast. They see my big smile smooth skin and big butt and think I'm good for sex (the doctor was a close friend who was Drunk at the time and being honest). So that hurts me but I stay with my hubby bcuz in the back of my mind I believe No man is ever going to really love Me for ME exactly how I am and neither will he. . . He is not some sexy hot guy either... I'm a beauty queen compared to him. Im cosmetically trained in makeup application so I look quite sexy when I take the time to. I just feel like neither of us will ever be lovable or appreciated and I prob have been making a daily self-conscious decision to stay because it's the Safest thing to do if I don't want to be alone in old age.
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bittersweetcupcake
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Oh my God!!! The more I read, the more I'm shocked!!!!!!
You don't even love him and you've tolerated all that crap?!?!
Get a divorce TODAY!!!
You just wrote a paragraph about the good qualities you have! He should be counting his blessings! He has a sweet hearted, talented, smart, fun and ambitious wife!! He is too blind because he is selfish!
You said like you feel that nobody cares about you except your Mom. I am sure this is not true; you're just feeling insecure because that brat you have at home makes you feel unloved. Action speaks louder than words. He may say he loves you, but from everything he does, seeems like the only person he loves is himself! In a twisted way too!
You do not need a man to feel safe and loved, dear. At least not now. I mean, you're still young! Get a divorce, go to college, go out with your friends, party hard, read a lot, travel around, enjoy life! Live!! You are barely surviving and that's really sad. It's as if you are married to a physically disabled man, who got disabled after marriage so you pity him and don't have the heart to leave him, so you sacrifice and live with him, serving him like a maid does to her master, only that he does not appreciate your sacrifice and devotion.
I'm sorry maybe I'm spamming you with my comments, one after the other, but this makes me really sad. You have so much potential and I hate to see wasted talent, eventhough I don't know you and will never do. It is just simply sad and frustrating.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not weak, you're just giving up. Wake the hell up, and the comment above that someone wrote is very true. You're going to wake up one day, old and miserable. Luckily for you, you're still young and it's so not too late! Your life hasn't even began! You have SO much to do! God gave you this life as a gift and it is your responsibility to value it and make the best of it. Do that. You are throwing your life away. The privilege that God has given you, you are throwing it away. You do not have the right to do that to yourself and your life.
Go ahead and live it. Don't be afraid to be lonely. I'm sure you won't. The right time will come and you will find a man who will adore the ground you walk on, who will treat you royal and give you what you deserve. You will not end up lonely. And if you do not get remarried again, ever, I'm sure you will at least be a happy, proud, experienced and successful woman who lived her life fully.
Xxx
(I'm going to scroll down again, let's hope I won't find another shocking comment and bore you with my long comments!! :p I'm on my mobile so I'm reading the thread bit by bit)