Also good advice. Thanks. I do want to go to college get my bachelors degree and be an english teacher before I turn 30. Only thing stopping me is my husband. He has every excuse I'm the world to keep me from a career. I'm very happy socializing but im truely fulfilled by public speaking and helping others. (I'm a sunday school teacher actually). I may have given the wrong idea by saying I want to be able to stay out late and go to parties and travel. That its coming from the frequent situations where my friends both married and single invite me to retreats out of town and my hubby says no. or my friends have bday parties at a club and hubby says no. or my mom goes out of state to visit my sister and I can never go with her because my hubby needs me home to cook or he'll starve after 2 days.
Why can't your hubby cook for himself? I'm 23 and married, as well. My husband and I share share all the chores. He is very good at cooking. So he can obviously look after himself. Also, he wants me to have a successful career, and why wouldn't he. Both of us having a career means more money for both of us, as well as more security since if one of us loses their job the other one at least still has a job. To me your husband sounds like a child. How can an adult man not even know how to do his laundry? If I was you I would give him a choice, either learn to do chores, including taking cooking classes, as well as encourage you to have a career or you get a divorce.
My personality is not really agressive or "stand up & put your foot down" ish type anymore. Slowky my husband gas made me more submissif to him and respectab lk e by calling me mean names tears aho like a Billy or a Dictator or Hitler or the Teacher or the Queen or his Mother's name "Sheila"... It all hurt so bad that I stopped telling him like it is Years ago. Then when I tried that trick back on him when He was acting like a Queen himself & being Super bossy not letting me go any where without him, he said there Is a double standard and iAgreed to it on our wedding day (that I would submit to and obey him as God commands in the Bible). . . Im too scared to put my foot down and give him an altomatum.. He doesnt like those....
I'm reading the whole thread now and OH MY GOD!!
What is your husband's fucking problem?! First of all, you said he comes from a very rich family, right? Well, that means you can afford going on a get-away vacation. You BOTH seem like you need that. You make him sound like a workaholic, there fore he needs to goo on a vacation to refresh (not to mention, to pamper himself, since he is a man-baby) and you need it because you need to LIVE. Most importantly, you BOTH need it, as a couple. Couple therapy. Travel together, COMMUNICATE, without fighting or being bossy (since Mr. SeLfish-Man-baby doesn't like it) talk like adults; tell him how you're feeling. Be completely transparent. Spill your heart out. Tell him what you need to do and that your life should start over, from scratch because the one you're "living" now is extremely unhealthy. If he refuses to understand or cooperate, then get a freaking divorce. To hell with your pastor! To hell with all the bullshit that comes out of his mouth! Don't let them emotionally blackmail you with all this God-will-forsake-you nonesense! God is not a monster and I think that you're aware of that; it's just that people around you seemed to have good luck in destroying your self-esteem until you reached a point where you do not trust your own beliefs and stopped listening to your true inner-self.
As for being scared to "put your foot down", why? Since he does not physically hurt you, then why not? You said that "he doesn't like those." TOO FUCKING BAD! You hate your life!! He should be worrying about that!
A man who loves and respects his wife would turn the world upside down if he sees his beloved shedding one single tear! And you deserve such a man! You deserve to be treated royal. But it's time you stand up for yourself!!
it sounds as if your husband cannot live without you. he should take some cooking lessons or some urban survival skill classes.
why not take your husband along to visit your sister?
No offence or anything but your husband sounds like a complete waste of space asshole. I mean, he need you to stay home to cook? How pathetic. He's not a man. A real man can cook for himself, and chooses to do so.
Furthermore, far be it from my role to tell you how your relationship should work, but why are you even asking his permission to do stuff you want to do anyway? It's not like he's your father! You should always just do what you want to do and not be held back by anybody, regardless of the fact that your married to them.
I mean, him saying no you can't go out with your friends, it likes he's 40 and your his 13 year old daughter or something. Honestly, you're not getting any younger, don't let that clown hold you back.
My honest advice you be to get a divorce, move on and do what you want to do in life. The guy is dead weight and is only holding you back. There are billions on men out there, but only one shot at life. Time is something you can never buy or buy back. Don't waste it dreaming of a better life. Go make one.
Anyway, I'm sure that's probably hard to hear, seen as you probably love him etc but when your in a relationship it's valuable to get an outside opinion. But sometimes, the biggest truths are the hardest to hear.
Ouch. . . that was pushing fiber glass into my ears. . . Geez, that was hard to read. Maybe you are completly right. I am so so so confused though... I'm actually not in love with my husband though.. I mean, I married him because of some bad stuff in my life he promised to help me with and he convinced me that he loved me and wanted the best for me. I was young and heart broken because no guy had ever really loved me before (they all just used me because I'm nice and fun and sometimes naive) so I felt so insecure after the rape that I was afraid to let the one and first person in the world that loved me slip through my fingers. Now that I'm married to him I think he is really just like all those other guys who don't really care about me. No one in my life really cares about me accept my mom. I'm short, really dark skinned, with bowed-legs, a crooked nose, a lazy eye, one foot bigger than the other, spaced out teeth, no curves (except for my butt -im very skinny and its quite big but that doesn't suffice for my flat chest!) My boobs are a whole cup size different. . . I mean its no wonder no guys wanted to be with me.. I do tend to dress really nice, and im a good singer and trained dancer and I draw well & always do my hair nice, I cook very good meals according 2 everyone, I make clothes, im trilingual, and Im very well organized and honest. girls love me (all my girl friends say im life of the party). Men hit on me and ask for my number and say im beautiful all the time, but im married to a guy who makes me feel like crap, look in mirror and see everything wrong with me and question if even God loves me (and if he did, why would he let me be so unloved by the opposite sex)? Ive heard from doctors that I'm completly normal and no one notices my crooked nose or "lazy" eye or smaller breast. They see my big smile smooth skin and big butt and think I'm good for sex (the doctor was a close friend who was Drunk at the time and being honest). So that hurts me but I stay with my hubby bcuz in the back of my mind I believe No man is ever going to really love Me for ME exactly how I am and neither will he. . . He is not some sexy hot guy either... I'm a beauty queen compared to him. Im cosmetically trained in makeup application so I look quite sexy when I take the time to. I just feel like neither of us will ever be lovable or appreciated and I prob have been making a daily self-conscious decision to stay because it's the Safest thing to do if I don't want to be alone in old age.
Oh my God!!! The more I read, the more I'm shocked!!!!!!
You don't even love him and you've tolerated all that crap?!?!
Get a divorce TODAY!!!
You just wrote a paragraph about the good qualities you have! He should be counting his blessings! He has a sweet hearted, talented, smart, fun and ambitious wife!! He is too blind because he is selfish!
You said like you feel that nobody cares about you except your Mom. I am sure this is not true; you're just feeling insecure because that brat you have at home makes you feel unloved. Action speaks louder than words. He may say he loves you, but from everything he does, seeems like the only person he loves is himself! In a twisted way too!
You do not need a man to feel safe and loved, dear. At least not now. I mean, you're still young! Get a divorce, go to college, go out with your friends, party hard, read a lot, travel around, enjoy life! Live!! You are barely surviving and that's really sad. It's as if you are married to a physically disabled man, who got disabled after marriage so you pity him and don't have the heart to leave him, so you sacrifice and live with him, serving him like a maid does to her master, only that he does not appreciate your sacrifice and devotion.
I'm sorry maybe I'm spamming you with my comments, one after the other, but this makes me really sad. You have so much potential and I hate to see wasted talent, eventhough I don't know you and will never do. It is just simply sad and frustrating.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not weak, you're just giving up. Wake the hell up, and the comment above that someone wrote is very true. You're going to wake up one day, old and miserable. Luckily for you, you're still young and it's so not too late! Your life hasn't even began! You have SO much to do! God gave you this life as a gift and it is your responsibility to value it and make the best of it. Do that. You are throwing your life away. The privilege that God has given you, you are throwing it away. You do not have the right to do that to yourself and your life.
Go ahead and live it. Don't be afraid to be lonely. I'm sure you won't. The right time will come and you will find a man who will adore the ground you walk on, who will treat you royal and give you what you deserve. You will not end up lonely. And if you do not get remarried again, ever, I'm sure you will at least be a happy, proud, experienced and successful woman who lived her life fully.
Xxx
(I'm going to scroll down again, let's hope I won't find another shocking comment and bore you with my long comments!! :p I'm on my mobile so I'm reading the thread bit by bit)
Is it normal that im so dissapointed with my life?
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Also good advice. Thanks. I do want to go to college get my bachelors degree and be an english teacher before I turn 30. Only thing stopping me is my husband. He has every excuse I'm the world to keep me from a career. I'm very happy socializing but im truely fulfilled by public speaking and helping others. (I'm a sunday school teacher actually). I may have given the wrong idea by saying I want to be able to stay out late and go to parties and travel. That its coming from the frequent situations where my friends both married and single invite me to retreats out of town and my hubby says no. or my friends have bday parties at a club and hubby says no. or my mom goes out of state to visit my sister and I can never go with her because my hubby needs me home to cook or he'll starve after 2 days.
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Why can't your hubby cook for himself? I'm 23 and married, as well. My husband and I share share all the chores. He is very good at cooking. So he can obviously look after himself. Also, he wants me to have a successful career, and why wouldn't he. Both of us having a career means more money for both of us, as well as more security since if one of us loses their job the other one at least still has a job. To me your husband sounds like a child. How can an adult man not even know how to do his laundry? If I was you I would give him a choice, either learn to do chores, including taking cooking classes, as well as encourage you to have a career or you get a divorce.
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My personality is not really agressive or "stand up & put your foot down" ish type anymore. Slowky my husband gas made me more submissif to him and respectab lk e by calling me mean names tears aho like a Billy or a Dictator or Hitler or the Teacher or the Queen or his Mother's name "Sheila"... It all hurt so bad that I stopped telling him like it is Years ago. Then when I tried that trick back on him when He was acting like a Queen himself & being Super bossy not letting me go any where without him, he said there Is a double standard and iAgreed to it on our wedding day (that I would submit to and obey him as God commands in the Bible). . . Im too scared to put my foot down and give him an altomatum.. He doesnt like those....
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I'm reading the whole thread now and OH MY GOD!!
What is your husband's fucking problem?! First of all, you said he comes from a very rich family, right? Well, that means you can afford going on a get-away vacation. You BOTH seem like you need that. You make him sound like a workaholic, there fore he needs to goo on a vacation to refresh (not to mention, to pamper himself, since he is a man-baby) and you need it because you need to LIVE. Most importantly, you BOTH need it, as a couple. Couple therapy. Travel together, COMMUNICATE, without fighting or being bossy (since Mr. SeLfish-Man-baby doesn't like it) talk like adults; tell him how you're feeling. Be completely transparent. Spill your heart out. Tell him what you need to do and that your life should start over, from scratch because the one you're "living" now is extremely unhealthy. If he refuses to understand or cooperate, then get a freaking divorce. To hell with your pastor! To hell with all the bullshit that comes out of his mouth! Don't let them emotionally blackmail you with all this God-will-forsake-you nonesense! God is not a monster and I think that you're aware of that; it's just that people around you seemed to have good luck in destroying your self-esteem until you reached a point where you do not trust your own beliefs and stopped listening to your true inner-self.
As for being scared to "put your foot down", why? Since he does not physically hurt you, then why not? You said that "he doesn't like those." TOO FUCKING BAD! You hate your life!! He should be worrying about that!
A man who loves and respects his wife would turn the world upside down if he sees his beloved shedding one single tear! And you deserve such a man! You deserve to be treated royal. But it's time you stand up for yourself!!
Euh... I think that you should be disappointed with the "hubby" and not your life!!
it sounds as if your husband cannot live without you. he should take some cooking lessons or some urban survival skill classes.
why not take your husband along to visit your sister?
No offence or anything but your husband sounds like a complete waste of space asshole. I mean, he need you to stay home to cook? How pathetic. He's not a man. A real man can cook for himself, and chooses to do so.
Furthermore, far be it from my role to tell you how your relationship should work, but why are you even asking his permission to do stuff you want to do anyway? It's not like he's your father! You should always just do what you want to do and not be held back by anybody, regardless of the fact that your married to them.
I mean, him saying no you can't go out with your friends, it likes he's 40 and your his 13 year old daughter or something. Honestly, you're not getting any younger, don't let that clown hold you back.
My honest advice you be to get a divorce, move on and do what you want to do in life. The guy is dead weight and is only holding you back. There are billions on men out there, but only one shot at life. Time is something you can never buy or buy back. Don't waste it dreaming of a better life. Go make one.
Anyway, I'm sure that's probably hard to hear, seen as you probably love him etc but when your in a relationship it's valuable to get an outside opinion. But sometimes, the biggest truths are the hardest to hear.
--
Grl4luvv
10 years ago
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Ouch. . . that was pushing fiber glass into my ears. . . Geez, that was hard to read. Maybe you are completly right. I am so so so confused though... I'm actually not in love with my husband though.. I mean, I married him because of some bad stuff in my life he promised to help me with and he convinced me that he loved me and wanted the best for me. I was young and heart broken because no guy had ever really loved me before (they all just used me because I'm nice and fun and sometimes naive) so I felt so insecure after the rape that I was afraid to let the one and first person in the world that loved me slip through my fingers. Now that I'm married to him I think he is really just like all those other guys who don't really care about me. No one in my life really cares about me accept my mom. I'm short, really dark skinned, with bowed-legs, a crooked nose, a lazy eye, one foot bigger than the other, spaced out teeth, no curves (except for my butt -im very skinny and its quite big but that doesn't suffice for my flat chest!) My boobs are a whole cup size different. . . I mean its no wonder no guys wanted to be with me.. I do tend to dress really nice, and im a good singer and trained dancer and I draw well & always do my hair nice, I cook very good meals according 2 everyone, I make clothes, im trilingual, and Im very well organized and honest. girls love me (all my girl friends say im life of the party). Men hit on me and ask for my number and say im beautiful all the time, but im married to a guy who makes me feel like crap, look in mirror and see everything wrong with me and question if even God loves me (and if he did, why would he let me be so unloved by the opposite sex)? Ive heard from doctors that I'm completly normal and no one notices my crooked nose or "lazy" eye or smaller breast. They see my big smile smooth skin and big butt and think I'm good for sex (the doctor was a close friend who was Drunk at the time and being honest). So that hurts me but I stay with my hubby bcuz in the back of my mind I believe No man is ever going to really love Me for ME exactly how I am and neither will he. . . He is not some sexy hot guy either... I'm a beauty queen compared to him. Im cosmetically trained in makeup application so I look quite sexy when I take the time to. I just feel like neither of us will ever be lovable or appreciated and I prob have been making a daily self-conscious decision to stay because it's the Safest thing to do if I don't want to be alone in old age.
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bittersweetcupcake
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Oh my God!!! The more I read, the more I'm shocked!!!!!!
You don't even love him and you've tolerated all that crap?!?!
Get a divorce TODAY!!!
You just wrote a paragraph about the good qualities you have! He should be counting his blessings! He has a sweet hearted, talented, smart, fun and ambitious wife!! He is too blind because he is selfish!
You said like you feel that nobody cares about you except your Mom. I am sure this is not true; you're just feeling insecure because that brat you have at home makes you feel unloved. Action speaks louder than words. He may say he loves you, but from everything he does, seeems like the only person he loves is himself! In a twisted way too!
You do not need a man to feel safe and loved, dear. At least not now. I mean, you're still young! Get a divorce, go to college, go out with your friends, party hard, read a lot, travel around, enjoy life! Live!! You are barely surviving and that's really sad. It's as if you are married to a physically disabled man, who got disabled after marriage so you pity him and don't have the heart to leave him, so you sacrifice and live with him, serving him like a maid does to her master, only that he does not appreciate your sacrifice and devotion.
I'm sorry maybe I'm spamming you with my comments, one after the other, but this makes me really sad. You have so much potential and I hate to see wasted talent, eventhough I don't know you and will never do. It is just simply sad and frustrating.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not weak, you're just giving up. Wake the hell up, and the comment above that someone wrote is very true. You're going to wake up one day, old and miserable. Luckily for you, you're still young and it's so not too late! Your life hasn't even began! You have SO much to do! God gave you this life as a gift and it is your responsibility to value it and make the best of it. Do that. You are throwing your life away. The privilege that God has given you, you are throwing it away. You do not have the right to do that to yourself and your life.
Go ahead and live it. Don't be afraid to be lonely. I'm sure you won't. The right time will come and you will find a man who will adore the ground you walk on, who will treat you royal and give you what you deserve. You will not end up lonely. And if you do not get remarried again, ever, I'm sure you will at least be a happy, proud, experienced and successful woman who lived her life fully.
Xxx
(I'm going to scroll down again, let's hope I won't find another shocking comment and bore you with my long comments!! :p I'm on my mobile so I'm reading the thread bit by bit)