Is it normal that im addicted but dont want to be?

It's a hard thing to have control over at first, but it can be done. I've done it on sheer will power alone, and then again through faith. You have to work on your triggers -what drives you to masturbate. Sometimes we just do it to wind down, which sounds true in your case but there are other less destructive ways to do that. You can start reading a good hour or so before you plan to sleep and try to avoid electronics before bed aswell. It takes a lot of willpower, there are no tricks, but I think the most important thing to remember is why you don't want to do it, and to have pride in your decision and the person that you are and will be because you made that decision, it is enough if you let it be.