from me (which he recently had a massive stroke which I am torn about...) Things would be different now.... since it was over email, she had to tell the counselors about it and then this HUGE thing happened. She got in trouble because she "crossed the line with a student" WHICH IS RIDICULOUS! Other teachers are able to help their students.... but anyway, that was my freshman year and now I am a senior and I was fighting with the counselors over this ever since. Now, though, they finally got me believing that she doesn't care about me... that she never did... that she just felt obligated to be there for me... they literally told me, "She doesn't care about you like you think she does. She cares about all of her students. She'll never consider you a friend" and you know, they'd tell me that stuff all of the time, but finally it got through to me that maybe they're right. She never did care, did she? I mean, she's a teacher. She can't just say she hates me.... ya know?... and so, I told her that I was done. I drew her something and told her it was the last thing she was ever going to get from me. She seemed to have freaked out because she knows I am kinda suicidal and so when I said that, she wouldn't let me leave until I explained to her what happened... so, I did. She was like, "Ana, (my Spanish name) this doesn't mean that I think of you as a bad person... and none of this is your fault." And I looked at her and she was like, "Okay, your actions are your fault..." (I stopped listening to her after that... I don't know what she said) and I said, "I don't want you to give this to the counselors..." and she was like, "I have to. They told me everything you say to me and everything you draw me, I have to give to them." And I looked at her and was like, "EVERYTHING?! Did you ever get any of the things back??" And she was like, "No... but I copied some of them like the Harry Potter you drew me... I don't read half of them anymore." And I looked at her and was like, "THEN WHAT IS THE FREAKING POINT?!" And tears started streaming down my face and I began to take the paper from her. (This is when the trust left me and I think she saw it, too...) and she held onto it and she said, "I'll copy this one and I'll read Every. Single. Word." And I started crying and said, "I just don't want the counselors to call me down..." and she said, "I won't let them." And so I gave it to her. I forget what I was saying because I was so furious, but I know I expressed that I was angry at her through the way I was speaking.... and she began to get quieter and barely saying anything... then, she started chewing on her nails like she does when she's upset... and when I noticed that, I said, "I gotta go." I didn't want to upset her any more. And I started walking away and she was like, "Thank you...." and I heard her voice crack because she was beginning to cry... and that was the last time I had a personal conversation with her and I haven't been able to talk to her about it. I can't tell if she cares about me, honestly. I can't tell if her crying was because she's sensitive or because this actually hurt her. I know she could tell that I lost trust in her because the moment I felt it go away is when she got upset... the next day of school, she literally stayed in her room and I didn't see her all day. She was a hermit. I'm not kidding...
is it normal that i wish my teacher loved me like a daughter
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from me (which he recently had a massive stroke which I am torn about...) Things would be different now.... since it was over email, she had to tell the counselors about it and then this HUGE thing happened. She got in trouble because she "crossed the line with a student" WHICH IS RIDICULOUS! Other teachers are able to help their students.... but anyway, that was my freshman year and now I am a senior and I was fighting with the counselors over this ever since. Now, though, they finally got me believing that she doesn't care about me... that she never did... that she just felt obligated to be there for me... they literally told me, "She doesn't care about you like you think she does. She cares about all of her students. She'll never consider you a friend" and you know, they'd tell me that stuff all of the time, but finally it got through to me that maybe they're right. She never did care, did she? I mean, she's a teacher. She can't just say she hates me.... ya know?... and so, I told her that I was done. I drew her something and told her it was the last thing she was ever going to get from me. She seemed to have freaked out because she knows I am kinda suicidal and so when I said that, she wouldn't let me leave until I explained to her what happened... so, I did. She was like, "Ana, (my Spanish name) this doesn't mean that I think of you as a bad person... and none of this is your fault." And I looked at her and she was like, "Okay, your actions are your fault..." (I stopped listening to her after that... I don't know what she said) and I said, "I don't want you to give this to the counselors..." and she was like, "I have to. They told me everything you say to me and everything you draw me, I have to give to them." And I looked at her and was like, "EVERYTHING?! Did you ever get any of the things back??" And she was like, "No... but I copied some of them like the Harry Potter you drew me... I don't read half of them anymore." And I looked at her and was like, "THEN WHAT IS THE FREAKING POINT?!" And tears started streaming down my face and I began to take the paper from her. (This is when the trust left me and I think she saw it, too...) and she held onto it and she said, "I'll copy this one and I'll read Every. Single. Word." And I started crying and said, "I just don't want the counselors to call me down..." and she said, "I won't let them." And so I gave it to her. I forget what I was saying because I was so furious, but I know I expressed that I was angry at her through the way I was speaking.... and she began to get quieter and barely saying anything... then, she started chewing on her nails like she does when she's upset... and when I noticed that, I said, "I gotta go." I didn't want to upset her any more. And I started walking away and she was like, "Thank you...." and I heard her voice crack because she was beginning to cry... and that was the last time I had a personal conversation with her and I haven't been able to talk to her about it. I can't tell if she cares about me, honestly. I can't tell if her crying was because she's sensitive or because this actually hurt her. I know she could tell that I lost trust in her because the moment I felt it go away is when she got upset... the next day of school, she literally stayed in her room and I didn't see her all day. She was a hermit. I'm not kidding...