I was a literal hermit. I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't maintain relationships. I learned a lot through research and therapy and introspection, but at a certain point, you have to break the cycle and getting back out into the world, telling the truth about what I've been through in a public way and then getting down to the work of helping other people (because I heard a lot of equally if not more horrible stories from other patients when I was in the recovery process, the need is staggering for people who can actually take this stuff on) is what has made me feel like a real person for the first time in my life. I finally feel as self possessed and purposeful as I always knew I was capable of because I stopped lying and stopped apologizing for existing. But yeah, if you think that's fucked up, I could tell you stories that would literally make you vomit.
IIN that I wish I had been sexually abused as a child?
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I was a literal hermit. I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't maintain relationships. I learned a lot through research and therapy and introspection, but at a certain point, you have to break the cycle and getting back out into the world, telling the truth about what I've been through in a public way and then getting down to the work of helping other people (because I heard a lot of equally if not more horrible stories from other patients when I was in the recovery process, the need is staggering for people who can actually take this stuff on) is what has made me feel like a real person for the first time in my life. I finally feel as self possessed and purposeful as I always knew I was capable of because I stopped lying and stopped apologizing for existing. But yeah, if you think that's fucked up, I could tell you stories that would literally make you vomit.