Childhood sexual abuse pretty much ruined my life. I'm in my mid 30's and really only just getting my life together for the first time. I always wanted to have sex with older men when I was a kid, but then my uncle took advantage of that in a way that was extremely forceful, intimidating, (he threatened to kill me if I told anyone) and not at all sexy. That said, I don't judge people at for having rape fantasies and I don't want you to feel guilty for feeling that way. As a young adult, helping other people play out their rape fantasies, this time in the role of the perpetrator, actually helped me in my recovery. I actually really enjoyed raping older white men. It helped me work out some of my anger towards my father, too.
I was a literal hermit. I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't maintain relationships. I learned a lot through research and therapy and introspection, but at a certain point, you have to break the cycle and getting back out into the world, telling the truth about what I've been through in a public way and then getting down to the work of helping other people (because I heard a lot of equally if not more horrible stories from other patients when I was in the recovery process, the need is staggering for people who can actually take this stuff on) is what has made me feel like a real person for the first time in my life. I finally feel as self possessed and purposeful as I always knew I was capable of because I stopped lying and stopped apologizing for existing. But yeah, if you think that's fucked up, I could tell you stories that would literally make you vomit.
IIN that I wish I had been sexually abused as a child?
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Childhood sexual abuse pretty much ruined my life. I'm in my mid 30's and really only just getting my life together for the first time. I always wanted to have sex with older men when I was a kid, but then my uncle took advantage of that in a way that was extremely forceful, intimidating, (he threatened to kill me if I told anyone) and not at all sexy. That said, I don't judge people at for having rape fantasies and I don't want you to feel guilty for feeling that way. As a young adult, helping other people play out their rape fantasies, this time in the role of the perpetrator, actually helped me in my recovery. I actually really enjoyed raping older white men. It helped me work out some of my anger towards my father, too.
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MikeN
5 years ago
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You r so fucked up
If I were u I'd go live as a hermit in a cave
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[Old Memory]
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I was a literal hermit. I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't maintain relationships. I learned a lot through research and therapy and introspection, but at a certain point, you have to break the cycle and getting back out into the world, telling the truth about what I've been through in a public way and then getting down to the work of helping other people (because I heard a lot of equally if not more horrible stories from other patients when I was in the recovery process, the need is staggering for people who can actually take this stuff on) is what has made me feel like a real person for the first time in my life. I finally feel as self possessed and purposeful as I always knew I was capable of because I stopped lying and stopped apologizing for existing. But yeah, if you think that's fucked up, I could tell you stories that would literally make you vomit.