IIN that I wish I had been sexually abused as a child?

So you actually fantasize about you as a child being sexually abused by an adult?

Hmmm...

Not really sure what I think of that. Fantasizing about child abuse is pretty messed up, but if you're not imagining you doing it to a child, but rather _you_ being the kid...

Anyway, my opinion about the degree of messed up is irrelevant.

It sounds to me like a variation on the rape fantasies women have. Those are often either about someone else taking control, so the woman must accept sex (which "nice girls" obviously don't want to), or being so overwhelmingly sexually alluring that men can't control themselves. Or maybe it's about you getting extra special attention?

Whatever the explanation, your fantasies are yours. They don't hurt anybody, and you're free to go wherever you want in the privacy of your head. One thing you can be sure of: your fantasy is tame compared to what other people have going on in their heads.