See, what you're doing here is making assumptions for the ways OTHER people feel. Who are you to say cheating doesn't hurt more to some people than even rape? I'm a PTSD sufferer and being cheated on would hurt me just as much.
Not to mention the misandry in your comment about how you mention MEN who rape and the implication of child abuse, since the media shows men abusing children far more than women. You could have just as easily brought up the fact that many women are cheating and divorcing their husbands with someone else's kids who the husband has to pay for - Never mind the fact that most men lose custody of their child rights to 'domestic violence' which a lot of times is not even the case, but a lie inculcated by the 'victim' who is the perpetrator. You think these men don't suffer for losing custody of their own children over nothing? But you wouldn't be fair because you subconsciously have a distaste for the male gender as society has conditioned you to - yes I know you will disagree, but that's why it's called *subliminal programming*.
Nor will I go into a debate with you over the politics behind it as it will go no where. Just like you stated your Opinion so am I stating mine. You seem to think that your opinion of what's 'worse' is universal, but it isn't.
Are you seriously suggesting that most rape and child sexual abuse isn't committed by men? Please note I am saying MOST, not all.
I do not believe you can compare the painful effects of cheating which happens in a relationship between adults, to the effects of sexual abuse on a child or of the violence of rape on anyone of any age.
I have been through abuse myself and for me PERSONALLY cheating would be far more painful, but I place emphasis on romance more than most people do. Things aren't so black and white.
And yes, there is a lot of propaganda and politics behind what the media claims to be 'truth' versus what is really true. Like I said, this argument with you will go over no where, but I'll point out my opinion just as you have yours in the name of fairness. BeLieve what you want to believe, but I'll say that you're missing the bigger picture here with your assumptions and subjective statements.
You think fathers who lose custody of their children over lies because the court system supports the female even if the husband has committed no crimes is not as painful? Why not be fair when making statements about the subjectivity of emotional pain? Your comments are subconsciously misandrist, and so my comments will seek to balance this out and point out the opposite, which is often times being overlooked.
There is subliminal programming going on everywhere in the media and you're just another victim of it without realizing it. Research the truth about how the media is lying about domestic violence numbers and rape allegations, a lot of which don't truly happen, yet the male gets into trouble and loses his job, family, life... but he's insignificant in your mind. You wouldn't admit it but you are being extremely one sided and misandrist on a subconscious level.
I have been through child sexual abuse, domestic violence, assaults by both male and female lovers and rape by a male, which has resulted in PTSD. I also lost custody of my 5 year old daughter because her father's lies about me were believed by the court so I do know how painful that can be.
I've also worked in the family violence and sexual violence fields since the 70's and it's been very difficult until recently to get the media to take any notice of these issues. My views on these issues are not formed by any subliminal brainwashing by the media but by personal and work experience.
Regarding untrue rape allegations, the man who raped me has been getting away with it in the same community for more than 40 years and has only been charged once and it wasn't proceeded with because he terrified the woman into not giving evidence against him. Most women don't report rape, most cases don't get to court and of those that do, most rapists aren't convicted. Same for child sexual abuse, which is predominantly commmitted by men.
I appreciate the mature way that you responded and am sorry for what you've been through. I can relate to trauma and know how hard it is. I'll admit that me being overly vulnerable to the topic of cheating is an outlier.
You said you had a female lover - have you experienced discrimination for your bisexuality? I ask this because as a bisexual, I often see gays being hated (usually by other males), yet lesbians are often times supported *in comparison*. I'll admit that a lot of this has to do with the fact that males tend to use their testosterone as their moral compass. Nevertheless, it is another topic I have suffered from for over 2 decades - being feminine/bi, from both genders, yet I haven't noticed women having as hard of a time if they had female partners.
In fact, I don't notice males talking about having other male lovers near as much as females do, even online. It saddens me. What's your take on this?
Also, those males/females who abused you shouldn't be considered "lovers". Many people have a skewed perception of "love".
My loss of custody was partly because of "lesbian tendencies" plus involvement in the Women's Liberation Movement. I was evicted from one long term tenancy after the owners realised I had a woman lover.
As to your other point, it's definitely true that gay males have historically experienced more discrimination than lesbians have: in most countries lesbianism was never illegal whereas male homosexual acts were. I suspect very many men don't take lesbianism seriously enough to be upset by it and certainly a lot of men have fantasies of "converting" lesbians to heterosexuality.
I reckon gay males are still more of a threat to heterosexual males than are lesbians, and at the risk of you calling me out on misandry again, it is straight males who have the most power at this point in time.
Point taken to your last sentence, but they were sexual partners at the time, which is why I used the term "lovers". I totally agree with your last sentence!
Sorry to read that you were discriminated against.
That's what i mean... Even though sex is a subconscious desire for love/oneness, without empathy/oneness it wouldn't be love, hence why they were never lovers. I never sought for sex without love as the two go hand in glove to me. Unfortunately these daze it's not the case, to the point that it's actually ruined sexual intercourse for me and I have hence created many personal fetyshes in lieu of coitus and other common sexual acts. I guess I'd rather be alone than have sex with someone who doesn't love nor care about me.
Also, I see myself as androgynous and would love to experience what you did; to feel love (sex) as a female does with a male or female. I've considered the operation but would find it difficult to find a partner male or female and actually be loved if I had gone through with it and (a la Pete Burns, but without the penis part...). Does this make me creepy in your eyes? :P
And no, I don't consider your POV to be misandry and even agree with most of it. The government profits off putting BOTH genders off against eachother and both are discriminated against almost equally, but it differs for example gays being mistreated more often than lesbians, however even this is a result of male fears/homophobia.
IIN That i want to kill women who cheat on their boyfriend/husband?
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See, what you're doing here is making assumptions for the ways OTHER people feel. Who are you to say cheating doesn't hurt more to some people than even rape? I'm a PTSD sufferer and being cheated on would hurt me just as much.
Not to mention the misandry in your comment about how you mention MEN who rape and the implication of child abuse, since the media shows men abusing children far more than women. You could have just as easily brought up the fact that many women are cheating and divorcing their husbands with someone else's kids who the husband has to pay for - Never mind the fact that most men lose custody of their child rights to 'domestic violence' which a lot of times is not even the case, but a lie inculcated by the 'victim' who is the perpetrator. You think these men don't suffer for losing custody of their own children over nothing? But you wouldn't be fair because you subconsciously have a distaste for the male gender as society has conditioned you to - yes I know you will disagree, but that's why it's called *subliminal programming*.
Nor will I go into a debate with you over the politics behind it as it will go no where. Just like you stated your Opinion so am I stating mine. You seem to think that your opinion of what's 'worse' is universal, but it isn't.
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Ellenna
7 years ago
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Are you seriously suggesting that most rape and child sexual abuse isn't committed by men? Please note I am saying MOST, not all.
I do not believe you can compare the painful effects of cheating which happens in a relationship between adults, to the effects of sexual abuse on a child or of the violence of rape on anyone of any age.
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NYXX
7 years ago
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I have been through abuse myself and for me PERSONALLY cheating would be far more painful, but I place emphasis on romance more than most people do. Things aren't so black and white.
And yes, there is a lot of propaganda and politics behind what the media claims to be 'truth' versus what is really true. Like I said, this argument with you will go over no where, but I'll point out my opinion just as you have yours in the name of fairness. BeLieve what you want to believe, but I'll say that you're missing the bigger picture here with your assumptions and subjective statements.
You think fathers who lose custody of their children over lies because the court system supports the female even if the husband has committed no crimes is not as painful? Why not be fair when making statements about the subjectivity of emotional pain? Your comments are subconsciously misandrist, and so my comments will seek to balance this out and point out the opposite, which is often times being overlooked.
There is subliminal programming going on everywhere in the media and you're just another victim of it without realizing it. Research the truth about how the media is lying about domestic violence numbers and rape allegations, a lot of which don't truly happen, yet the male gets into trouble and loses his job, family, life... but he's insignificant in your mind. You wouldn't admit it but you are being extremely one sided and misandrist on a subconscious level.
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Ellenna
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I have been through child sexual abuse, domestic violence, assaults by both male and female lovers and rape by a male, which has resulted in PTSD. I also lost custody of my 5 year old daughter because her father's lies about me were believed by the court so I do know how painful that can be.
I've also worked in the family violence and sexual violence fields since the 70's and it's been very difficult until recently to get the media to take any notice of these issues. My views on these issues are not formed by any subliminal brainwashing by the media but by personal and work experience.
Regarding untrue rape allegations, the man who raped me has been getting away with it in the same community for more than 40 years and has only been charged once and it wasn't proceeded with because he terrified the woman into not giving evidence against him. Most women don't report rape, most cases don't get to court and of those that do, most rapists aren't convicted. Same for child sexual abuse, which is predominantly commmitted by men.
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NYXX
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I appreciate the mature way that you responded and am sorry for what you've been through. I can relate to trauma and know how hard it is. I'll admit that me being overly vulnerable to the topic of cheating is an outlier.
You said you had a female lover - have you experienced discrimination for your bisexuality? I ask this because as a bisexual, I often see gays being hated (usually by other males), yet lesbians are often times supported *in comparison*. I'll admit that a lot of this has to do with the fact that males tend to use their testosterone as their moral compass. Nevertheless, it is another topic I have suffered from for over 2 decades - being feminine/bi, from both genders, yet I haven't noticed women having as hard of a time if they had female partners.
In fact, I don't notice males talking about having other male lovers near as much as females do, even online. It saddens me. What's your take on this?
Also, those males/females who abused you shouldn't be considered "lovers". Many people have a skewed perception of "love".
--
Ellenna
7 years ago
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My loss of custody was partly because of "lesbian tendencies" plus involvement in the Women's Liberation Movement. I was evicted from one long term tenancy after the owners realised I had a woman lover.
As to your other point, it's definitely true that gay males have historically experienced more discrimination than lesbians have: in most countries lesbianism was never illegal whereas male homosexual acts were. I suspect very many men don't take lesbianism seriously enough to be upset by it and certainly a lot of men have fantasies of "converting" lesbians to heterosexuality.
I reckon gay males are still more of a threat to heterosexual males than are lesbians, and at the risk of you calling me out on misandry again, it is straight males who have the most power at this point in time.
Point taken to your last sentence, but they were sexual partners at the time, which is why I used the term "lovers". I totally agree with your last sentence!
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NYXX
7 years ago
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Sorry to read that you were discriminated against.
That's what i mean... Even though sex is a subconscious desire for love/oneness, without empathy/oneness it wouldn't be love, hence why they were never lovers. I never sought for sex without love as the two go hand in glove to me. Unfortunately these daze it's not the case, to the point that it's actually ruined sexual intercourse for me and I have hence created many personal fetyshes in lieu of coitus and other common sexual acts. I guess I'd rather be alone than have sex with someone who doesn't love nor care about me.
Also, I see myself as androgynous and would love to experience what you did; to feel love (sex) as a female does with a male or female. I've considered the operation but would find it difficult to find a partner male or female and actually be loved if I had gone through with it and (a la Pete Burns, but without the penis part...). Does this make me creepy in your eyes? :P
And no, I don't consider your POV to be misandry and even agree with most of it. The government profits off putting BOTH genders off against eachother and both are discriminated against almost equally, but it differs for example gays being mistreated more often than lesbians, however even this is a result of male fears/homophobia.