Same...Ish. People who cheat (male or female) have a special place in hell cut out specifically for them. If it were acceptable I would have them there sooner rather than later. It's the worst type of betrayal.
Absolutely. You're just one of the few people in this society that has a soul and mind of his/her own. Unfortunately many people are cyborgs these days... until it happens to them they couldn't care less what others feel. You're seen as insane in this world for having emotions.
See, what you're doing here is making assumptions for the ways OTHER people feel. Who are you to say cheating doesn't hurt more to some people than even rape? I'm a PTSD sufferer and being cheated on would hurt me just as much.
Not to mention the misandry in your comment about how you mention MEN who rape and the implication of child abuse, since the media shows men abusing children far more than women. You could have just as easily brought up the fact that many women are cheating and divorcing their husbands with someone else's kids who the husband has to pay for - Never mind the fact that most men lose custody of their child rights to 'domestic violence' which a lot of times is not even the case, but a lie inculcated by the 'victim' who is the perpetrator. You think these men don't suffer for losing custody of their own children over nothing? But you wouldn't be fair because you subconsciously have a distaste for the male gender as society has conditioned you to - yes I know you will disagree, but that's why it's called *subliminal programming*.
Nor will I go into a debate with you over the politics behind it as it will go no where. Just like you stated your Opinion so am I stating mine. You seem to think that your opinion of what's 'worse' is universal, but it isn't.
Are you seriously suggesting that most rape and child sexual abuse isn't committed by men? Please note I am saying MOST, not all.
I do not believe you can compare the painful effects of cheating which happens in a relationship between adults, to the effects of sexual abuse on a child or of the violence of rape on anyone of any age.
I have been through abuse myself and for me PERSONALLY cheating would be far more painful, but I place emphasis on romance more than most people do. Things aren't so black and white.
And yes, there is a lot of propaganda and politics behind what the media claims to be 'truth' versus what is really true. Like I said, this argument with you will go over no where, but I'll point out my opinion just as you have yours in the name of fairness. BeLieve what you want to believe, but I'll say that you're missing the bigger picture here with your assumptions and subjective statements.
You think fathers who lose custody of their children over lies because the court system supports the female even if the husband has committed no crimes is not as painful? Why not be fair when making statements about the subjectivity of emotional pain? Your comments are subconsciously misandrist, and so my comments will seek to balance this out and point out the opposite, which is often times being overlooked.
There is subliminal programming going on everywhere in the media and you're just another victim of it without realizing it. Research the truth about how the media is lying about domestic violence numbers and rape allegations, a lot of which don't truly happen, yet the male gets into trouble and loses his job, family, life... but he's insignificant in your mind. You wouldn't admit it but you are being extremely one sided and misandrist on a subconscious level.
I have been through child sexual abuse, domestic violence, assaults by both male and female lovers and rape by a male, which has resulted in PTSD. I also lost custody of my 5 year old daughter because her father's lies about me were believed by the court so I do know how painful that can be.
I've also worked in the family violence and sexual violence fields since the 70's and it's been very difficult until recently to get the media to take any notice of these issues. My views on these issues are not formed by any subliminal brainwashing by the media but by personal and work experience.
Regarding untrue rape allegations, the man who raped me has been getting away with it in the same community for more than 40 years and has only been charged once and it wasn't proceeded with because he terrified the woman into not giving evidence against him. Most women don't report rape, most cases don't get to court and of those that do, most rapists aren't convicted. Same for child sexual abuse, which is predominantly commmitted by men.
I appreciate the mature way that you responded and am sorry for what you've been through. I can relate to trauma and know how hard it is. I'll admit that me being overly vulnerable to the topic of cheating is an outlier.
You said you had a female lover - have you experienced discrimination for your bisexuality? I ask this because as a bisexual, I often see gays being hated (usually by other males), yet lesbians are often times supported *in comparison*. I'll admit that a lot of this has to do with the fact that males tend to use their testosterone as their moral compass. Nevertheless, it is another topic I have suffered from for over 2 decades - being feminine/bi, from both genders, yet I haven't noticed women having as hard of a time if they had female partners.
In fact, I don't notice males talking about having other male lovers near as much as females do, even online. It saddens me. What's your take on this?
Also, those males/females who abused you shouldn't be considered "lovers". Many people have a skewed perception of "love".
Very, true. Infidelity is a terrible betrayal, but when it comes to things like rape and any kind of child abuse, especially sexual abuse my hear breaks for the victims. I find myself near speechly, and all I can think or say is, "there but for the grace of God go I".
I hope and pray those victims get the justice they deserve or at least the grace of God to carry on and heal their deep wounds, their trauma.
I've had PTSD from childhood abandonment and being left out in the street, but still view cheating as far worse, but this depends on the Person's emotional character and mentality more than anything else. It's an assumption to think one is 'worse' than the other based on anecdotes or personal experience. I'd rather die than be cheated on. Heck, the rampancy of cheating everywhere causes more pain to me (and I haven't been in a relationship to be cheated on) more than bipolar/ptsd/aspergers most of the time. But then I value romance, which I understand not many people do.
I'm those awful things happened to you, and I wish I had something more helpful and constructive to say.
I hate when people act like cheating isn't a big deal, but I think there are people who have thought of cheating that way since the dawn of time. I personally see cheating as a grave betrayal. I honestly think that a person who cheats on his or her husband or wife is someone of poor character who's not worthy of trust. People make all sorts of excuses for cheating, but as far as I'm concerned it boils down to a lack of commitment and a lack of courage. I figure a person can either stay committed then work to repair and improve the relationship or if the differences are irreconcilable then the person can leave the relationship and have the courage to be alone. Many people are weak, selfish and greedy; they want to have their cake and eat it too.
I totally agree. Didn't mean to come across as rude with the way I responded btw. This topic just irks me to the point of creating physical symptoms and most people don't seem to fathom how anyone could feel so hurt, as many people these daze only seem to want sex without love, when the two are hand in glove to me and always have been. Ever since I was a child 6-7 I wanted romance, but the way people view sex these daze has completely ruined coitus for me.
I suffer everyday because of this and it just doesn't feel natural to me; I know this within my heart no matter how many people are conditioned to think it's not 'normal'. Normalcy doesn't equate to the reality for some of us!
Cheating is a bigger deal to me and person A than with person B. Just the same as with swinging or polygamy; I'm not against it but what I don't like to hear is people claiming that desiring a monogamous relationship is 'unnatural' without knowing me or others who desire it, let alone those who have lived it for 80+ years in bliss without a single thought of having other partners. People read a mainstream article (from jezebell or other commercial sites) and seem to think whatever that's written is set in stone and 'scientific', when even the science is monopolized to suite the needs of bankers... long story.
I think monogamy is totally natural! It doesn't always work out of course, but I think betrayal is so selfish, and cowardly compared to just being honest and admitting that the relationship isn't working. I do envy people who get to marry their high school or college sweetheart, and then go on to spend their lives together! It seems those people with many decades of blissful monogamy under their proverbial belts have an advantage over the majority of us who are less fortunate, because they seem to live longer, healier, more productive and more successful lives.
I myself have been accused of being a serial monogamist, and I can't deny it's true, but it's not because monogamy is a faulty institution, but rather because I myself have made poor choices in my life by virtue of my own lack of adequate moral and spiritual formation as well as a lack of guidance on the part of my parents. I love my parents very much, but do have my share of resentments against them. I think they did the best they could, but that their so called guidance tended to manifest itself more so in my mother's strict and sheltering ways and my father's passive aggressive editorializing of television, news, current events and pop culture when what I really needed were much more direct, heart to heart, objective, loving and non-shaming open communication.
... and to think some people think you're a misogynist. Bah, I think you're right on time about this one!
;-)
Male or female, gay or straight, cheating is for selfish cowards! I sincerely used to, and sometimes still do, wanna drag my first ex husband and his, frizzy haired, blonde bitch right straight to hell. I don't know that they're gonna end up in Hell for sure, but I'm pretty confident they'll have a long hot, uncomfortable wait, I hear purgatory is like west Texas. Yuck!
:-)
P.S. I can't say that I've completely forgiven them, but at least I don't get the same enraged adrenaline rush when thoughts of them arise in my head that I used to before.
I don't know many people who haven't been cheated on at one time or another but at some point you have to move on and let go of all this bullshit hatred & wishing for revenge: who is that harming? Not them, you!
I understand, respect and appreciate your perspective on forgiveness and letting go of resentments. Believe it or not my above comment is a marked improvement from the past. I might logically make a decision to forgive someone, but often times my emotions tell me otherwise. The lack of the old nauseating adrenaline rush I used to get is progress for someone as sick as me. I'm sure that in time and with continued prayer, meditation, work with a qualified therapist, etcetera, such personal issues will improve for me. I wish it were a more simple endeavor for me, but it isn't. Recovery, whether it's from mental illness, a near debilitating personality disorder or even an addiction is a journey and not a destination.
You're free to believe whatever you wish regarding Heaven, Hell and Purgatory, but as for myself I still believe. I'll probably just be disappointed. Meh.
Actually I wasn't talking about forgiveness because no matter how many times it's explained to me from different perspectives - including the once widely held but now discredited notion that one has to forgive before one can heal - I just don't get it.
Nothing I can do can wipe the slate clean, which is what I was taught as a child was forgiveness in the christian belief system: if it means not being ruled by resentment against the person but still protecting myself from him/them if necessary and rebuilding my life after trauma, then yes, I'm all for that and am still in that process now, but forgiveness? No, nothing anyone can do can wipe out an action in the past, so why try?
I totally agree with you about healing being a journey, not a destination, but I still wish I were on a less exhausting and painful journey and I will not forgive the person who caused me to have to deal with all this while he goes on doing what he did to me, to other women and nothing is done to stop him.
I'm not talking about "getting over" past trauma either, because I don't think that's possible in a lot of cases, I'm talking about rebuilding my life in a way that moves me away from the trauma and learning not to let the past affect the future any more than I can help.
Leave out the prayers, heaven, hell and purgatory and I reckon you and I agree totally with each other, don't you?
Right on. I try to do my best, but for a lot of people, especially those in my family of origin, my best is not enough. It's so frustrating. I have to work a lot on detachment when it comes to family.
IIN That i want to kill women who cheat on their boyfriend/husband?
← View full post
Same...Ish. People who cheat (male or female) have a special place in hell cut out specifically for them. If it were acceptable I would have them there sooner rather than later. It's the worst type of betrayal.
--
NYXX
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
-
Ellenna
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
-
RoseIsabella
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Absolutely. You're just one of the few people in this society that has a soul and mind of his/her own. Unfortunately many people are cyborgs these days... until it happens to them they couldn't care less what others feel. You're seen as insane in this world for having emotions.
There is no hell except the one you're creating for yourself with all this pointless resentment and hatred
I can think of LOTS worse betrayals than infidelity: how about men who rape partners who trust them or sexually abuse children?
--
[Old Memory]
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
-
NYXX
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
-
RoseIsabella
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
True.
See, what you're doing here is making assumptions for the ways OTHER people feel. Who are you to say cheating doesn't hurt more to some people than even rape? I'm a PTSD sufferer and being cheated on would hurt me just as much.
Not to mention the misandry in your comment about how you mention MEN who rape and the implication of child abuse, since the media shows men abusing children far more than women. You could have just as easily brought up the fact that many women are cheating and divorcing their husbands with someone else's kids who the husband has to pay for - Never mind the fact that most men lose custody of their child rights to 'domestic violence' which a lot of times is not even the case, but a lie inculcated by the 'victim' who is the perpetrator. You think these men don't suffer for losing custody of their own children over nothing? But you wouldn't be fair because you subconsciously have a distaste for the male gender as society has conditioned you to - yes I know you will disagree, but that's why it's called *subliminal programming*.
Nor will I go into a debate with you over the politics behind it as it will go no where. Just like you stated your Opinion so am I stating mine. You seem to think that your opinion of what's 'worse' is universal, but it isn't.
--
Ellenna
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
Are you seriously suggesting that most rape and child sexual abuse isn't committed by men? Please note I am saying MOST, not all.
I do not believe you can compare the painful effects of cheating which happens in a relationship between adults, to the effects of sexual abuse on a child or of the violence of rape on anyone of any age.
--
NYXX
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I have been through abuse myself and for me PERSONALLY cheating would be far more painful, but I place emphasis on romance more than most people do. Things aren't so black and white.
And yes, there is a lot of propaganda and politics behind what the media claims to be 'truth' versus what is really true. Like I said, this argument with you will go over no where, but I'll point out my opinion just as you have yours in the name of fairness. BeLieve what you want to believe, but I'll say that you're missing the bigger picture here with your assumptions and subjective statements.
You think fathers who lose custody of their children over lies because the court system supports the female even if the husband has committed no crimes is not as painful? Why not be fair when making statements about the subjectivity of emotional pain? Your comments are subconsciously misandrist, and so my comments will seek to balance this out and point out the opposite, which is often times being overlooked.
There is subliminal programming going on everywhere in the media and you're just another victim of it without realizing it. Research the truth about how the media is lying about domestic violence numbers and rape allegations, a lot of which don't truly happen, yet the male gets into trouble and loses his job, family, life... but he's insignificant in your mind. You wouldn't admit it but you are being extremely one sided and misandrist on a subconscious level.
--
Ellenna
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I have been through child sexual abuse, domestic violence, assaults by both male and female lovers and rape by a male, which has resulted in PTSD. I also lost custody of my 5 year old daughter because her father's lies about me were believed by the court so I do know how painful that can be.
I've also worked in the family violence and sexual violence fields since the 70's and it's been very difficult until recently to get the media to take any notice of these issues. My views on these issues are not formed by any subliminal brainwashing by the media but by personal and work experience.
Regarding untrue rape allegations, the man who raped me has been getting away with it in the same community for more than 40 years and has only been charged once and it wasn't proceeded with because he terrified the woman into not giving evidence against him. Most women don't report rape, most cases don't get to court and of those that do, most rapists aren't convicted. Same for child sexual abuse, which is predominantly commmitted by men.
--
NYXX
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
See More Comments =>
I appreciate the mature way that you responded and am sorry for what you've been through. I can relate to trauma and know how hard it is. I'll admit that me being overly vulnerable to the topic of cheating is an outlier.
You said you had a female lover - have you experienced discrimination for your bisexuality? I ask this because as a bisexual, I often see gays being hated (usually by other males), yet lesbians are often times supported *in comparison*. I'll admit that a lot of this has to do with the fact that males tend to use their testosterone as their moral compass. Nevertheless, it is another topic I have suffered from for over 2 decades - being feminine/bi, from both genders, yet I haven't noticed women having as hard of a time if they had female partners.
In fact, I don't notice males talking about having other male lovers near as much as females do, even online. It saddens me. What's your take on this?
Also, those males/females who abused you shouldn't be considered "lovers". Many people have a skewed perception of "love".
Very, true. Infidelity is a terrible betrayal, but when it comes to things like rape and any kind of child abuse, especially sexual abuse my hear breaks for the victims. I find myself near speechly, and all I can think or say is, "there but for the grace of God go I".
I hope and pray those victims get the justice they deserve or at least the grace of God to carry on and heal their deep wounds, their trauma.
--
NYXX
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I've had PTSD from childhood abandonment and being left out in the street, but still view cheating as far worse, but this depends on the Person's emotional character and mentality more than anything else. It's an assumption to think one is 'worse' than the other based on anecdotes or personal experience. I'd rather die than be cheated on. Heck, the rampancy of cheating everywhere causes more pain to me (and I haven't been in a relationship to be cheated on) more than bipolar/ptsd/aspergers most of the time. But then I value romance, which I understand not many people do.
--
RoseIsabella
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I'm those awful things happened to you, and I wish I had something more helpful and constructive to say.
I hate when people act like cheating isn't a big deal, but I think there are people who have thought of cheating that way since the dawn of time. I personally see cheating as a grave betrayal. I honestly think that a person who cheats on his or her husband or wife is someone of poor character who's not worthy of trust. People make all sorts of excuses for cheating, but as far as I'm concerned it boils down to a lack of commitment and a lack of courage. I figure a person can either stay committed then work to repair and improve the relationship or if the differences are irreconcilable then the person can leave the relationship and have the courage to be alone. Many people are weak, selfish and greedy; they want to have their cake and eat it too.
--
NYXX
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
I totally agree. Didn't mean to come across as rude with the way I responded btw. This topic just irks me to the point of creating physical symptoms and most people don't seem to fathom how anyone could feel so hurt, as many people these daze only seem to want sex without love, when the two are hand in glove to me and always have been. Ever since I was a child 6-7 I wanted romance, but the way people view sex these daze has completely ruined coitus for me.
I suffer everyday because of this and it just doesn't feel natural to me; I know this within my heart no matter how many people are conditioned to think it's not 'normal'. Normalcy doesn't equate to the reality for some of us!
Cheating is a bigger deal to me and person A than with person B. Just the same as with swinging or polygamy; I'm not against it but what I don't like to hear is people claiming that desiring a monogamous relationship is 'unnatural' without knowing me or others who desire it, let alone those who have lived it for 80+ years in bliss without a single thought of having other partners. People read a mainstream article (from jezebell or other commercial sites) and seem to think whatever that's written is set in stone and 'scientific', when even the science is monopolized to suite the needs of bankers... long story.
--
RoseIsabella
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
See More Comments =>
I think monogamy is totally natural! It doesn't always work out of course, but I think betrayal is so selfish, and cowardly compared to just being honest and admitting that the relationship isn't working. I do envy people who get to marry their high school or college sweetheart, and then go on to spend their lives together! It seems those people with many decades of blissful monogamy under their proverbial belts have an advantage over the majority of us who are less fortunate, because they seem to live longer, healier, more productive and more successful lives.
I myself have been accused of being a serial monogamist, and I can't deny it's true, but it's not because monogamy is a faulty institution, but rather because I myself have made poor choices in my life by virtue of my own lack of adequate moral and spiritual formation as well as a lack of guidance on the part of my parents. I love my parents very much, but do have my share of resentments against them. I think they did the best they could, but that their so called guidance tended to manifest itself more so in my mother's strict and sheltering ways and my father's passive aggressive editorializing of television, news, current events and pop culture when what I really needed were much more direct, heart to heart, objective, loving and non-shaming open communication.
... and to think some people think you're a misogynist. Bah, I think you're right on time about this one!
;-)
Male or female, gay or straight, cheating is for selfish cowards! I sincerely used to, and sometimes still do, wanna drag my first ex husband and his, frizzy haired, blonde bitch right straight to hell. I don't know that they're gonna end up in Hell for sure, but I'm pretty confident they'll have a long hot, uncomfortable wait, I hear purgatory is like west Texas. Yuck!
:-)
P.S. I can't say that I've completely forgiven them, but at least I don't get the same enraged adrenaline rush when thoughts of them arise in my head that I used to before.
--
Ellenna
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I don't know many people who haven't been cheated on at one time or another but at some point you have to move on and let go of all this bullshit hatred & wishing for revenge: who is that harming? Not them, you!
There is no such thing as purgatory by the way
--
RoseIsabella
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I understand, respect and appreciate your perspective on forgiveness and letting go of resentments. Believe it or not my above comment is a marked improvement from the past. I might logically make a decision to forgive someone, but often times my emotions tell me otherwise. The lack of the old nauseating adrenaline rush I used to get is progress for someone as sick as me. I'm sure that in time and with continued prayer, meditation, work with a qualified therapist, etcetera, such personal issues will improve for me. I wish it were a more simple endeavor for me, but it isn't. Recovery, whether it's from mental illness, a near debilitating personality disorder or even an addiction is a journey and not a destination.
You're free to believe whatever you wish regarding Heaven, Hell and Purgatory, but as for myself I still believe. I'll probably just be disappointed. Meh.
--
Ellenna
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Actually I wasn't talking about forgiveness because no matter how many times it's explained to me from different perspectives - including the once widely held but now discredited notion that one has to forgive before one can heal - I just don't get it.
Nothing I can do can wipe the slate clean, which is what I was taught as a child was forgiveness in the christian belief system: if it means not being ruled by resentment against the person but still protecting myself from him/them if necessary and rebuilding my life after trauma, then yes, I'm all for that and am still in that process now, but forgiveness? No, nothing anyone can do can wipe out an action in the past, so why try?
I totally agree with you about healing being a journey, not a destination, but I still wish I were on a less exhausting and painful journey and I will not forgive the person who caused me to have to deal with all this while he goes on doing what he did to me, to other women and nothing is done to stop him.
I'm not talking about "getting over" past trauma either, because I don't think that's possible in a lot of cases, I'm talking about rebuilding my life in a way that moves me away from the trauma and learning not to let the past affect the future any more than I can help.
Leave out the prayers, heaven, hell and purgatory and I reckon you and I agree totally with each other, don't you?
--
RoseIsabella
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
Right on. I try to do my best, but for a lot of people, especially those in my family of origin, my best is not enough. It's so frustrating. I have to work a lot on detachment when it comes to family.
--
Ellenna
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
See More Comments =>
Oh don't we all? All the best to you wherever your journey takes you