Is it normal that i want to gain weight?

This is a long story guys, so please bear with me.

I'm a 21 year old gay guy, and I was always real chubby growing up and was actually nicknamed Chubby. When I became a teenager I started having fantasies about being humiliated for my weight. I would get aroused by wearing my skinny brother's shirts that were too small for me when I was alone and I loved bouncing my belly and playing with my fat. However, externally I was actually quite insecure about my weight.

I was at my heaviest in the summer on 2008 at 195 lbs, a lot for 5'6" guy. I had always said that I would never allow myself to break 200, so I began to eat less and I started going to the gym in April of 2009. I had already lost 10 lbs by then. Along with going to the gym almost every day, I was dedicated to my diet, and by October I had dropped 45 lbs.

At a weight of 140, my family was amazed and I was so proud of myself for what I had accomplished because I was slim for the first time in my life. It was an incredible journey to me.

In February of 2010 my family fell on rough financial times and I had to quit my gym membership. Since then I've went back to my old eating habits and put on 15 lbs.

Over the last two years I discovered that there were other guys who had the same fantasies I had when I was a teenager. I had always thought that I was the only one. The moment I first saw a video of a guy playing with his belly on youtube I became sexually hypnotized and wanted to be fat again so I could do the same thing.

I fantasize about gaining back all the weight I lost and breaking down and buying new clothes. I would love to try on my favorite clothes and be frustrated and embarrassed when they're way too small for me and my belly is hanging out.

All I can think about now is how much I would love it if a year or two from now I was greeted with shock at family gatherings. I want my family and relatives to say stuff like "Whoa! Gettin' chubby again huh?", "Oh, I guess we can call you Chubby again!", and I want my aunt to pinch my love handles and my annoying cousins to smack and poke my belly.

All I want is for anyone and everyone to tease me about the weight I've put on since leaving the gym. I would enjoy it so much.

Is this normal?