I feel your pain. I really do. I was in a mental hospital also for 6 months for wanting to die. They had me on everything also. I have chronic clinical depression and PTSD. The one medication that I requested to be taken off of was Depakote. I felt like a vegetable. I needed to feel emotions. It took forever to even crack a smile. I didn't care what people told me. I didn't believe that my family and friends love me. I didn't know what love was. Didn't care. Didn't see an end to the suffering I was feeling. I was a robot through out my day.
I lied to get out of the hospital. Saw a therapist 4 days a week for 5 years. Talked his ear off about the same stuff. He was frustrated with me because I wasn't getting better.
Then, there was a turning point. I don't know what it was exactly. Wish I knew.
There was a pin hole of light at that end of the dark tunnel.
I haven't looked back since. I still see my therapist. Once a month, drug free. He keeps me grounded. It's been 17 years of therapy with the same therapist.
I just thought of something...he is the only constant thing in my life. Being there for me. Listened. Maybe that's why I got better.
Anyway. Sorry for the long story. You may or may not listen to my story. I just hope you do.
Take care.
Is it normal that I want to die before I get old?
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I feel your pain. I really do. I was in a mental hospital also for 6 months for wanting to die. They had me on everything also. I have chronic clinical depression and PTSD. The one medication that I requested to be taken off of was Depakote. I felt like a vegetable. I needed to feel emotions. It took forever to even crack a smile. I didn't care what people told me. I didn't believe that my family and friends love me. I didn't know what love was. Didn't care. Didn't see an end to the suffering I was feeling. I was a robot through out my day.
I lied to get out of the hospital. Saw a therapist 4 days a week for 5 years. Talked his ear off about the same stuff. He was frustrated with me because I wasn't getting better.
Then, there was a turning point. I don't know what it was exactly. Wish I knew.
There was a pin hole of light at that end of the dark tunnel.
I haven't looked back since. I still see my therapist. Once a month, drug free. He keeps me grounded. It's been 17 years of therapy with the same therapist.
I just thought of something...he is the only constant thing in my life. Being there for me. Listened. Maybe that's why I got better.
Anyway. Sorry for the long story. You may or may not listen to my story. I just hope you do.
Take care.