Not at all. I've determined my life is never going to amount to much, and growing old would be a waste of time for me. Thus, if something doesn't kill me before my cut-off date of my 35th birthday, I will do it myself. I'm certainly not waiting another 60-70 years for absolutely nothing.
Okay, really, all bullshit put aside. I am really worried for you, Life doesn't really start for most people untill 35. can i ask you how old you are now? 35 is not old sweetie, and i do not know if you are male or female, but i still call you sweetie, ok? I am 48, and i do not feel old, and i am having a good life. I didn't even know who i was as a person untill i was 30. Please give yourself a chance at life, remember that you get back what you put into it.
Look, when it comes right down to it, this is my decision based on my experiences in life. The only good parts of my life have happened as a child. The older I get, the worse I find my life has gotten. It's not at all fun being me...I have so many freaking mental disorders and have been taking so many medications that my brain is on permanent leave. I've been hospitalized over and over for being suicidal, and at this point, I'm just struggling to stay afloat. I can't do it...I can't go another 60-70 years with this. Believe me, I've TRIED to make my life worth living. I've TRIED going to school and figuring out things I want to do later in life. Nothing I have tried, nothing has worked. I'm 26, and female. Why did I give myself the age of 35? Because I STILL have a little semblance of hope in my heart that maybe things will get better. But I know I can't live past that age should I not be able to fix myself. It's the only way.
I feel your pain. I really do. I was in a mental hospital also for 6 months for wanting to die. They had me on everything also. I have chronic clinical depression and PTSD. The one medication that I requested to be taken off of was Depakote. I felt like a vegetable. I needed to feel emotions. It took forever to even crack a smile. I didn't care what people told me. I didn't believe that my family and friends love me. I didn't know what love was. Didn't care. Didn't see an end to the suffering I was feeling. I was a robot through out my day.
I lied to get out of the hospital. Saw a therapist 4 days a week for 5 years. Talked his ear off about the same stuff. He was frustrated with me because I wasn't getting better.
Then, there was a turning point. I don't know what it was exactly. Wish I knew.
There was a pin hole of light at that end of the dark tunnel.
I haven't looked back since. I still see my therapist. Once a month, drug free. He keeps me grounded. It's been 17 years of therapy with the same therapist.
I just thought of something...he is the only constant thing in my life. Being there for me. Listened. Maybe that's why I got better.
Anyway. Sorry for the long story. You may or may not listen to my story. I just hope you do.
Take care.
Is it normal that I want to die before I get old?
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Okay, by age 35 you want to die?! Are you freaking kidding me!!
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NocturnePonyFan
11 years ago
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Not at all. I've determined my life is never going to amount to much, and growing old would be a waste of time for me. Thus, if something doesn't kill me before my cut-off date of my 35th birthday, I will do it myself. I'm certainly not waiting another 60-70 years for absolutely nothing.
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chp316
11 years ago
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Okay, really, all bullshit put aside. I am really worried for you, Life doesn't really start for most people untill 35. can i ask you how old you are now? 35 is not old sweetie, and i do not know if you are male or female, but i still call you sweetie, ok? I am 48, and i do not feel old, and i am having a good life. I didn't even know who i was as a person untill i was 30. Please give yourself a chance at life, remember that you get back what you put into it.
--
NocturnePonyFan
11 years ago
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Look, when it comes right down to it, this is my decision based on my experiences in life. The only good parts of my life have happened as a child. The older I get, the worse I find my life has gotten. It's not at all fun being me...I have so many freaking mental disorders and have been taking so many medications that my brain is on permanent leave. I've been hospitalized over and over for being suicidal, and at this point, I'm just struggling to stay afloat. I can't do it...I can't go another 60-70 years with this. Believe me, I've TRIED to make my life worth living. I've TRIED going to school and figuring out things I want to do later in life. Nothing I have tried, nothing has worked. I'm 26, and female. Why did I give myself the age of 35? Because I STILL have a little semblance of hope in my heart that maybe things will get better. But I know I can't live past that age should I not be able to fix myself. It's the only way.
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tori
11 years ago
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I feel your pain. I really do. I was in a mental hospital also for 6 months for wanting to die. They had me on everything also. I have chronic clinical depression and PTSD. The one medication that I requested to be taken off of was Depakote. I felt like a vegetable. I needed to feel emotions. It took forever to even crack a smile. I didn't care what people told me. I didn't believe that my family and friends love me. I didn't know what love was. Didn't care. Didn't see an end to the suffering I was feeling. I was a robot through out my day.
I lied to get out of the hospital. Saw a therapist 4 days a week for 5 years. Talked his ear off about the same stuff. He was frustrated with me because I wasn't getting better.
Then, there was a turning point. I don't know what it was exactly. Wish I knew.
There was a pin hole of light at that end of the dark tunnel.
I haven't looked back since. I still see my therapist. Once a month, drug free. He keeps me grounded. It's been 17 years of therapy with the same therapist.
I just thought of something...he is the only constant thing in my life. Being there for me. Listened. Maybe that's why I got better.
Anyway. Sorry for the long story. You may or may not listen to my story. I just hope you do.
Take care.