Is it normal that i want to be who i am not.

Whats so funny about your problem is that u think guys want girls who r exactly like them. Uhhh no. If ppl only dated ppl who was exactly like themselves then dating would b very boring! Bad guys seem to love the good girls. Good girls seem to love the bad guys and u see that all the time whether its in reality or in movies. Not many ppl want to date or be with someone who is exactly like them. Most ppl who date r sooo different but they have a lot of little things in common and thats how they connect. U don't have to b a bad girl to get a bad guy. Most bad guys dodge bad girls and most bad girls dodge bad guys becuz it would b a huge conflict between the two. I understand what ur going through becuz I use to think I didn't like myself until I realized I liked my taste in things. I like my taste in music, I like my taste in gus, I like my taste in fashion and if I liked that then I came to the conclusion that I must like myself. But what really changed my opinion of myself is when I started video taping myself and when I watched the video I started to see the beautiful and the awesomeness in myself that I didn't see before. Try video taping yourself and then watch it. You will see a whole different side of yourself that u didn't know. U will see the you that other ppl see when they look at u. We can't see ourselves, our facial expressions or our day to day actions, we think we know who we r but we don't until we watch ourselves through other ppl eyes. Your being way to hard on yourself and one day you will see that you deserved your own love and acceptance all a long. Rome wasn't built in a day but try everyday to love urself and give urself a chance. Be forgiving and understandng to urself. Think of ur idol, if ur idol felt the same way n side and decided to kill herself/himself u would prob b so hurt and confused. U wouldn't understand y someone so beautiful, so smart, so clever would ever not love themself. That is how someone right now is viewing you right at this moment. They r jealous and some wuld do anything to b u. U don't know how ur crush feel about u he might feel the same way u do so stop being so hard on urself.

Why be a follower?

It's not unusual at all to want to be what you're not. Look for an opportunity to "try on" a different persona and see how it fits you. Theater, Halloween, role-playing games...these can provide "safe" ways to try out being someone else. Just be aware that changing what you are on the outside will not fix anything on the inside. If you're not happy with yourself as you are, you probably won't be happy with yourself no matter how you present yourself to others.

Just be yourself. U will find someone who is similar with u