Is it normal that i want my dad dead and i wouldn't shed a single tear
My dad has verbally abused me for the entirety of my life, in the name of 'love'. What I mean is, he has never physically abused me, (although he did hit me numerous times with a 'stick' coming from a patriarchal asian culture) but has always accused me of doing something wrong whenever he feels he is in the 'right' and whenever I uttered my opinion at him. His Confucianist mineset cannot grip the fucking idea of a woman (or back then a little girl), talking back at him, reason with him, let alone oh no! not obey his lawful words? no way. When I was young I didn't know better and listened to his painful, abusive words and told myself, 'yes, I'm no good, I've done wrong, I'm the bad one in this situation'. And because this happened throughout the years, my self-esteem, to this day, is at the very rock bottom. Not only that I've suffered multiple serious hospitalizations due to various mental disorders. But I didn't know at the time of suffering that the root of all evil was this person labeled 'dad'. And to this day, where I am an adult trying to recover from all the abusive words and mental dispair from this monster, he continues to hurt me. CONTINUES to hurt me and tells me, "HOW DARE YOU TALK BACK AT ME WHEN I (THE ALL KNOWING GOD) AM TALKING?". and the fucking ironic thing is he is a "christian". No. NO. NO. go to hell. when you die, I will not come to your funeral; and even if i do, i will be laughing out of joy because of this hell bent monster is gone from my life. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU GO FUCKING DIE.