IIN that I want my boyfriend to control me?

It's called masochism, and in this particular case, there seems to be an underlying inferiority complex going on, as well as a remarkably low self-esteem. This often occurs as a result of either being abused as a child, or witnessing abuse and developing what's called Stockholm Syndrome, where one identifies and takes the side of the abuser. The sexualizing of pain inflicted on one's self (masochism) and that of being degraded (submissiveness) are not particularly uncommon, but wanting someone to beat, degrade, and possibly kill you goes well beyond standard masochism and submission, showing signs of a remarkably low sense of self-worth and suicidal tendencies. This is dangerous, and not only to you. If you were to have a child with someone like you described (a violent man-child with a temper who has no respect for you whatever, hereafter referred to by the clinical term sociopath,) this child will almost definitely be abused to at least the same degree as you are (physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually) if not worse. Other women, children, and animals will almost definitely see abuse from this same person as violent sociopaths are either unable or unwilling to control their violent tantrums. A violent sociopath will do all of the things you say you want (until it actually happens,) and a whole lot more things you don't want, and will not easily let you escape once you've realized just how bad it really is. It might be time for some therapy to learn how you can navigate through your sexual urges without endangering yourself and others.