I can't say if that is normal or not... but I can say that you pretty much described my social life word for word. I don't know if its normal, but I guess I can do the cliched thing and tell you there are at least other people out there who are going through the same thing so you aren't alone. In fact, your story was so similar to mine that it made me create an account just to make this comment.
Lately, I found myself fearing social situations a lot more because I am afraid to make another friend and then lose them all over again. It also doesn't help that I am traveling across the country for school so I am never with a group of people year-round. And yeah, there is social media but I feel so anxious whenever I use it that I usually just don't post anything or message anyone because I am afraid that I might bother someone.
And I never really had a friend that I could talk with. Just people who I pretended to be happy for. Because something deep down inside of me knew that if I told people what I was really feeling, they would all try to avoid me... and to me, having people around and pretending to be happy was better than being honest and having to deal with the crushing void of loneliness.
I don't know if you have reached this point yet, but as you can see, I have gotten quite cynical about friends. To me, friends will be there as long as you benefit them... all my experience has shown that they will abandon you as soon as you need help no matter how much you helped them in the past. I wish I didn't think this way, but I can't help it anymore....
I don't know how, but avoid becoming this cynical at all costs.... it will only make you a thousand times more miserable.
is it normal that i've never had a true friend
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I can't say if that is normal or not... but I can say that you pretty much described my social life word for word. I don't know if its normal, but I guess I can do the cliched thing and tell you there are at least other people out there who are going through the same thing so you aren't alone. In fact, your story was so similar to mine that it made me create an account just to make this comment.
Lately, I found myself fearing social situations a lot more because I am afraid to make another friend and then lose them all over again. It also doesn't help that I am traveling across the country for school so I am never with a group of people year-round. And yeah, there is social media but I feel so anxious whenever I use it that I usually just don't post anything or message anyone because I am afraid that I might bother someone.
And I never really had a friend that I could talk with. Just people who I pretended to be happy for. Because something deep down inside of me knew that if I told people what I was really feeling, they would all try to avoid me... and to me, having people around and pretending to be happy was better than being honest and having to deal with the crushing void of loneliness.
I don't know if you have reached this point yet, but as you can see, I have gotten quite cynical about friends. To me, friends will be there as long as you benefit them... all my experience has shown that they will abandon you as soon as you need help no matter how much you helped them in the past. I wish I didn't think this way, but I can't help it anymore....
I don't know how, but avoid becoming this cynical at all costs.... it will only make you a thousand times more miserable.