Is it normal that i used to fantasise about bad things happening to me

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I have been seperated from my husband of five years for just over a year now. He put me through hell! I have never had so many dramas go on in my life since meeting him. From having my daughter born with Down Syndrome, her needing open heart surgery and having to fight the country we were in at the time to get it, to his first assult on me (days after our marriage), flying back to my country where initially they wouldn't let him into, to many more police calls out as a result of domestic violence. Finally I made the cut after he reassulted me in hospital where our daughter was suffering from pneumonia.

Recently as a bit of therapy for myself I started to read my old diaries and I read in there that pretty much from the age of a young teen right up to my twenties when I met my husband I used to fantasise about bad things happening to me, dramas happpening to me. I have always been a very independent and strong person and in my diarieis I wrote about these fantasies of drama because I wanted people to see that I was indeed weak and that I too needed to be cared for. It leaves me with a dilemma- first did my fantasising actually cause all of these negative things that have happened in my life? And secondly if that was the case then why did I still experience the exact opposite- noone there for me and me still having to dig deeper? All I have learned from all of this is there truly IS noone out there to care for me- disaster or no disaster. Lucky I've left the guy now and opted for a more normal life.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation or an I an oddball?

Is It Normal?
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  • YM@6
    11 years ago | pl

    I used to fantisize about it too, but I don't think it's normal xD

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  • Austalien
    11 years ago | pl

    What do you mean by bad fantasies like rape ect, It might happen if you think about it.

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    • lsuccv
      11 years ago | pl

      No not like rape. I think because I've always been strong minded I come across as dominant and as a result I'm intimidating or theleader in any conversation. I used to fantasise about people being mean, hurtful and physical- basically everything my husband was to me. I wanted it because (and I am speaking from my fantisies of 6 years ago)- I wanted people to realise that I was weak too and that I can be a victim. People always only see the outside and I think in some bizarre way my fantasies about being treated badly made me think that people might see me for who I am underneath the hard shell. I just find it so strange that anyone would wish this upon themselves. And yes your completely right... I got what I wished for and it was the most painful 6 years of my life.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    Oh and also I sometimes fantazise of bad things happening to me the thing is they always have a happy ending it the end because I believe theres always a happy ending and I shall be happy someday forever!

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    Well, Kinda.. my mother has been through this and my father would abuse my mother. The only time he didnt hit her was when I got in between him. Never laid a hand on my brother and I..yet my mother had this suspicion problen where she was suspicious all the time of everything we did. I can understand why my dad left my mom and why my mom left my dad they where both horrible in thier own way yet they had their good qualities as well yet just happened to show their bad qualities more.. situations like this happen countless times. we need to learn to move on and embrass a life where we feel safe, loved and accomplished. You did the right thing and your not an oddball life is sometimes cruel. I'm glad you were strong and were able to get threw it. Congrats! On the new begining! c:

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