Is it normal that i touched my little sister when i was a kid?
So basically I have two younger sisters. One of them is 1.5 years younger and the other one is 3 years younger. I've always been really close to the one that's close to my age as we're pretty similar (we look similar, we both get good grades, we like the same things) and I've at times felt like the youngest one isn't even my sister because we look nothing alike (she has blonde hair and green eyes and I have black hair and brown eyes and she is nothing like me). Well I'm 18 now and when I was 10/11-13 I totally could not control my hormones. I would play games with my youngest sister that were kind of sexual and I would always touch her butt. She participated in the games and when we weren't playing and I did it she wouldn't mind, she would be watching tv and ignore it or I would touch it while helping her with her homework. I never did this type of thing with the sister closer to my age. All I ever touched was her butt, I was just fascinated by it. I never laid a hand on her boobs or vagina. Well obviously now that I realize what I've done I FEEL TERRIBLE. I plan on apologizing very soon, pretty much the next time I'm home alone with her I'm going to. I'm going to tell her how sorry I am and that I hope she can forgive me for being such a horrible big brother. I still can't help feeling so wrong though. She is very popular in school and is finishing 9th grade now. I feel like a horrible individual and I don't know what to do. I think the main reason I posted on this site is simply to see if anyone else has experienced this or knows of something like this or whether I'm the only one. I also want to know whether I can get over it or it is some irredeemable condemnation. I do not want to go to therapy in case anyone puts that as a comment so please don't. It makes me feel like I have something to hide from other people and I feel like if I get into a truly deep and romantic relationship with someone in the future they will think it's sick or wrong and turn away from me. I just want to know I can be accepted. I've thought about talking about this with my parents but then decided against it. Is this even something that should be brought up in a relationship or is the story best left unsaid? Please help!