Is it normal that i think rape hysteria only hurts the victims more?

But you as a victim don't translate those phrases that way because you know how you feel and you just said you don't feel that way. No one is out there telling rape victims what they must feel like, and most people I think have the ability to understand that not every person on the planet will ever feel exactly the same way about any one experience. So while those statement may apply to many rape victims, obviously they will not apply to all.

So if that is not how you fell and you know you don't feel that way, then you really don't have to worry about it and you can go on with your life. Others who feel as you do will also know how they feel and do the same. Meanwhile, there will continue to be support available to other victims that do feel that way or otherwise need support.

I am just not seeing the problem.

I'm a survivor of rape nearly 5 years ago and while I know I'll never "get over it" and that it's changed my life totally, once I was through the initial shock, when I seriously considered suicide, I resolved to not let it ruin my life. I was fortunate to be able to have good counselling from a Centre Against Sexual Assault, which I still sometimes need as the rapist lives in the same town and has been getting away with this sort of thing for 40 years.

I wouldn't presume to judge how anyone else responds to being raped because there are far too many variables such as how violent it was apart from the actual rape itself; whether it was a stranger or a partner or ex-partner; the victim/survivor's previous experiences and coping skills; what support she received.

For some people it may well be the worst thing that's ever happened to them: it may sound strange, but I'm glad I'd had even worse things happen in my life and could tell myself that I'd survived the other bad experiences and could survive this one too.

I found it helpful to remind myself that the best revenge is survival and that the rapist would've loved it if I'd let what he did ruin my life.

I agree completely. I've noticed it isn't mainly actual victims who say things like that. It's the "advocates" of various sorts. Putting aside any selfish motivations some of these people may have, the obvious goal of that kind of hyperbole it to convince people that rape is really bad, which will presumably make people do it less.

But they never seem to see the other side of the coin. How is it going to make victims feel when you say they'd be better off dead? It strikes me as insensitive in the extreme, considering these are exactly the people they're supposed to be protecting.

An extra bonus way in which this message is wrong is that portraying rape as invariably being the ultimate traumatic experience, is it can lead victims to believe what happened to them must not have been rape, because it wasn't *that* bad. (Obviously this applies more to date rape than I classic dark alley rape like OP's.)

I think everyone deals with shit differently and just because you weren't traumatized doesn't mean other people aren't, and that many people overcome these situations by talking about them and not bottling them up inside. Everyone is legitimate in their feelings, which is why we can't let our own personal experiences trivialize and define someone elses.

Some rape experiences are probably worse than others, based on how long they last and how violent the rapist is. It also might change based on if it is a stranger or an acquaintance. Rape victims should still be provided the help they need.

I kind of agree. One thing that's getting on my nerves is how the very idea of consentual sex is becoming a blurred line between itself and rape due to all the wacky claims out there. Hell, some people are even trying to say that if you don't ask to do every little action you do during sex such as place your hand on their thigh or something, even if you're already doing the deed, then it's rape.

This whole rape hysteria is getting a bit out of hand and it's helping nobody. By all means, try to help the actual victims of rape but don't try to find new ways to count people as rape victims when they're clearly not just so that the absurd claim of "rape culture" can be made.

I'll stop there before I go in to a full rant.

I have never been raped nor known anyone who has (as far as I'm aware).

However, I agree it seems very patronizing to rape victims to talk about them in this way, almost defeatist.

nobody should tell you how you should feel
a lot of the so called rape cases that have hit the headlines in Britain have been led by the mainly feminist press that like to portray women as being victims of all things sexual using phrases like exploited etc
,how can you be exploited by someone who is apparently as intelligent as you,
prostitution now theres another example of how women are apparently exploited (only female prostitutes though)
I take it that male prostitutes make a series of rational decicions or irrational decisions along the way depending on your point of view on prostitution
women don't do themselves any favours in this matter and like to see themselves as the weaker sex in sexual experiences
,a couple of high profile rape cases that have hit the headlines have had 20 year old women saying and I quote (he got me drunk) lol
now I don't know about you but when I was 20 I got myself drunk,it didn't matter whether I was paying or someone else was paying or I was at a free bar all night,if I poured the stuff down my neck I got myself drunk
my point is its not for somebody to try and convince you to be a victim of something
you clearly are a victim of rape but choose not to lead your life as a victim and good for you your obviously a strong woman who chooses to not let this event be a life changing or defining event for her