Is it normal that i think i'm a sociopath?

As of late, I've read a post about sociopaths, and being curious about what it meant, I decided to go and learn more about it.

Based from what I've read, mostly spoke about how a sociopath is incapable of loving others, of empathy, a great liars, and the such. It made me think of how I was and how I currently am, thus leading to wondering whether I am a sociopath.

I recently got out of a relationship that only lasted a month and a few days before I broke up with my ex, and now I can't find the reason why I even bothered with him. All I know is that I grew bored of him, got tired of talking with him (it was a long distance relationship), and that I didn't feel anything for me. More likely, the thought that I actually and genuinely liked someone for the first time made me think that I actually think I liked him. I've been in a few relationships, though not that much. Supposedly, around 2-3. Most of them had me getting bored of them, and due to that, I distanced myself and silently broke up with them. My first relationship is something I like to think of as a beneficial relationship-with him being a member of the basketball team and me being a loner, I could benefit from him. His parents clearly didn't liked me because I got him into trouble. Simply, I dated him because I was bored and I had nothing better to do.

During that time though, I was having some drama with a friend of mine. Apparently, I was already having some thoughts that she liked me more than a friend, and yet, I acted as if I was clueless and even led her on. Sadly, that continued for three to four years. I made an alias and even made it seem that she was talking to a close friend of mine, whom she talked to so that she could talk to me, since I was avoiding her. Through that 'friend', I told her that I was at the beach for a walk and that if she hurried, we would be able to talk. As soon as I received a response that she was going, I immediately went to the beach and made it seem like I had gone there for a relaxation, while playing different scenarios of how our talk would go. Much to say, it amused me that she was so fun to tease, and I even acted shocked and confused when she finally confessed, seemingly making it seem that I never had a clue.

I said some of the things I've played out in my mind and then dramatically left her by the bus stop by running and entering a bus that was about to leave. Several weeks later, after avoiding her, I asked her if we could just remain friends. I really do feel bad for it, and I feel shameful of what I did to her, especially after realizing just how much it amused me.

I've lied so much to friends and family that even I have grown confused what is true and what was real. My memories have merged with the lies that I've made, and I even made a story that my mother died. As well as even went far to crying, which I've done so successfully during an 'open' and 'heart to heart' talk that I had with some friend.

Lying came to me easily as breathing and I know that it's bad. But no matter what I try, I always seem to lie. I've gone for a week without lying, but then I would still end up lying, whether it is a white lie or not.

As a child, I was like other children, though now thinking about it...maybe not. I enjoyed playing with fire, and even laughed at how I grabbed a kitten and forcefully gave it a bath under running cold water. It's bloody confusing as to why I did that since I adore cats and dogs now, though I prefer tamed ones to strays. As a child, I've also watched porn and even masturbated, which is something I feel guilty for.

My sexual fantasies have gotten a bit out of hand, and the relationship that I've recently gotten out of was also related to that. I met my former boyfriend through roleplaying anime characters, and through that became close to him. I admit to have acted a role and may have successfully manipulated him into liking me, as well as getting him to confess to me, all while seeming unaware of his infatuation and pretending to be thinking that he would never like me back. We continued to roleplay sexual characters, whether they're straight or lesbian relationships, but when it suddenly stopped and it grew boring, I've distanced myself away from him. Thinking of it now, I'm feeling guilty, though it is a shallow feeling.

I've grown so accustomed to playing out a role that I've made for myself in my life, that several of my personalities are based on them. Therefore, I have no clue what I really feel and who I really am. My academic standing has always been great, not that excellent, but still above average. I've been in several major competitions that got me winning medals and even got the 9th rank in my entire school for academics. Learning to play musical instruments was fairly easy, though I can't do them professionally since I learn them on my own.

I know that I have an ego, but I've curbed it and made sure to be humble. I like making friends, but often so, prefer to be alone. However, whenever I find myself to be alone, thoughts would then enter my mind that would sadden me. The odd thing is that, I know that I'm not really saddened by the fact that I was alone. I would cry and distance myself from my friends in order to feel something. Because it feels like there is this gaping hole inside of me that can only be filled by some sort of warmth. I'm actually a cuddly person and I love hugs.

I'm just so confused why I feel that way when I clearly have everything to be happy about. My family is whole. My childhood wasn't traumatic or terrible. There is food on my table every day. But there's this gap in my chest that I can't close. I yearn to find true love and I think of myself as a romantic. However, from what I've experienced, I feel like I'm incapable of loving others, just as how I am incapable of showing how I feel at the moment.

I want to ask for professional help, but I'm scared of what I'll find. Of what they'll tell me. I just need some confirmation that this isn't normal, or that I really have some sociopath tendencies. Only then perhaps, I will ask for professional help. After all, wouldn't it be embarrassing if I suddenly ask for help claiming to be a sociopath, then end up not being one?

That is why, all I ask is for your opinions. Proper opinions, not those retarded comments saying that I'm sick. I know what I've done were sick. I wouldn't be asking for anyone's opinion if I didn't know that right? So please don't be a troll and seriously help me out here. I don't want to end up worse and I wish to become normal, not sociopath normal.