I grew up agnostic-atheist, and I think I think about things differently than do most people. So when I came to religion, I gained my morals from it as well. When I learned why the Catholic Church feels that premarital sex is not morally okay (it's demeaning to human dignity), I also realized that agreeing to not have premarital sex is a lot like being in a human relationship - we're just in a relationship with God. And He doesn't want us cheating by having sex with someone else. He'll let us do that under one circumstance - marriage. And I get that because of the human dignity part. But the other part just sounds like God is jealous. And jealousy has never seemed to make any sense to me....
And okay, so I get not cheating while in a marriage. But I think you hit it on the spot - for some reason, God doesn't think it's appropriate until after marriage. I feel the same about monogamy.
One last thing - and I touched upon this briefly on Sog's comment - is that I understand that bit about hurting someone. That's why I would opt not to tell him about my experiences because it would be too hurtful. "What if he found out?" Let me tell you three ways he will be hurt: 1) If I notify him of this option 2) If I tell him I did something with someone else 3) If I don't tell him and someone else tells him.
And if he understood why I would go to someone else, he would realize that he's not nearly as hurt as I imagine I am when I'm not granted that opportunity. Seriously - think of any argument for having premarital sex while still claiming to be worshipping God. I'll use that to make my argument for cheating.
If nothing else, I don't like the double standard. I know double standards are necessary in society because nobody is perfect, but I would at least like to understand this one.
If people treated sex as sacred and saved it for marriage, I probably wouldn't have any problem seeing cheating as immoral.
I think you're right to feel whatever religious inspiration you choose, over premarital sex or waiting for marriage. Sorry if I criticized your learning from religion. Your view of romantic relationships as a "game" sounds neat. That's refreshing to view as something you do for fun. People have different perspectives on romantic relationships, so not everyone sees it that way, but it's neat to learn different views. Though, I certainly would not want my boyfriend to think it's ok to cheat on me, for instance. If I agree to be his girlfriend, then I don't want him to treat it so much like a game, that he'll cross my relationship boundaries. Then again, I sympathize with you, from my reverse-sexist point-of-view (Mildly sexist against men, to counter other people's misogyny)- perhaps many guys feel entitled to women/ view women as conquests. If you've found this is true of most guys, or that most guys cheat on you-- I understand why you'd view them as a conquest right back. (I do as well, though I'm single). I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but that's where I could understand your view.
Like your words "If people treated sex as sacred... " It's true, when nobody (or no guy) treats sex as sacred, it does feel disrespectful to me- so I find it hard to have much respect for guys romantically. If your boyfriend is a jerk, hence you're certain he's the type that cheats, I understand wanting to cheat yourself. If it's hard to find guys who are *not* jerks, I can understand deciding you might as well still have fun with them. (I'm just making my own connections to what you said) Other ideas I have- there are other people who prefer open relationships. If you dated one, then you'd be able to talk to him about dating other people- without hurting his feelings. Though, if you don't feel comfortable discussing such-- you could always be friends-with-benefits, instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. I could also understand it being hard to tell most partners, how you'd like your relationship to be fun, like a "game"- since people can be too simple-minded to understand even mildly complex ideas like that.
Is it normal that I think cheating is morally okay?
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I grew up agnostic-atheist, and I think I think about things differently than do most people. So when I came to religion, I gained my morals from it as well. When I learned why the Catholic Church feels that premarital sex is not morally okay (it's demeaning to human dignity), I also realized that agreeing to not have premarital sex is a lot like being in a human relationship - we're just in a relationship with God. And He doesn't want us cheating by having sex with someone else. He'll let us do that under one circumstance - marriage. And I get that because of the human dignity part. But the other part just sounds like God is jealous. And jealousy has never seemed to make any sense to me....
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amazinggrace
9 years ago
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And okay, so I get not cheating while in a marriage. But I think you hit it on the spot - for some reason, God doesn't think it's appropriate until after marriage. I feel the same about monogamy.
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amazinggrace
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One last thing - and I touched upon this briefly on Sog's comment - is that I understand that bit about hurting someone. That's why I would opt not to tell him about my experiences because it would be too hurtful. "What if he found out?" Let me tell you three ways he will be hurt: 1) If I notify him of this option 2) If I tell him I did something with someone else 3) If I don't tell him and someone else tells him.
And if he understood why I would go to someone else, he would realize that he's not nearly as hurt as I imagine I am when I'm not granted that opportunity. Seriously - think of any argument for having premarital sex while still claiming to be worshipping God. I'll use that to make my argument for cheating.
If nothing else, I don't like the double standard. I know double standards are necessary in society because nobody is perfect, but I would at least like to understand this one.
If people treated sex as sacred and saved it for marriage, I probably wouldn't have any problem seeing cheating as immoral.
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Satanic_Cereal
9 years ago
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I think you're right to feel whatever religious inspiration you choose, over premarital sex or waiting for marriage. Sorry if I criticized your learning from religion. Your view of romantic relationships as a "game" sounds neat. That's refreshing to view as something you do for fun. People have different perspectives on romantic relationships, so not everyone sees it that way, but it's neat to learn different views. Though, I certainly would not want my boyfriend to think it's ok to cheat on me, for instance. If I agree to be his girlfriend, then I don't want him to treat it so much like a game, that he'll cross my relationship boundaries. Then again, I sympathize with you, from my reverse-sexist point-of-view (Mildly sexist against men, to counter other people's misogyny)- perhaps many guys feel entitled to women/ view women as conquests. If you've found this is true of most guys, or that most guys cheat on you-- I understand why you'd view them as a conquest right back. (I do as well, though I'm single). I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but that's where I could understand your view.
Like your words "If people treated sex as sacred... " It's true, when nobody (or no guy) treats sex as sacred, it does feel disrespectful to me- so I find it hard to have much respect for guys romantically. If your boyfriend is a jerk, hence you're certain he's the type that cheats, I understand wanting to cheat yourself. If it's hard to find guys who are *not* jerks, I can understand deciding you might as well still have fun with them. (I'm just making my own connections to what you said) Other ideas I have- there are other people who prefer open relationships. If you dated one, then you'd be able to talk to him about dating other people- without hurting his feelings. Though, if you don't feel comfortable discussing such-- you could always be friends-with-benefits, instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. I could also understand it being hard to tell most partners, how you'd like your relationship to be fun, like a "game"- since people can be too simple-minded to understand even mildly complex ideas like that.