You don't have to lie to be doing things behind someone's back. The only way that would even happen is if your partner specifically asked you. If that doesn't happen, the only thing it could be is deceit. And if it's deceit, I don't consider that lying. I think that the other person should be smart enough to see through that, and that if one person wants to keep some things from the other person, that shouldn't be a problem (there are many relationships in which one person doesn't want to share something - it might just be that they're not ready to share that yet). That way it's like a fun game that can be played in the relationship, and what's fun without games?
Maybe this has something to do with my Asperger's... that I don't get this kind of thing. I think of relationships as games for the most part. Sex? It's a game. Kissing? It's a game. I mean, I just learned that kissing can be sexual...and it freaked me the hay out. So, it's fun to be in a relationship. And it's fun to be in other relationships as well. Maybe the core issue here isn't cheating but what it means to be in a relationship itself that I don't seem to understand. I mean, it clearly isn't for procreative purposes (the only argument I see for that would be to marry whoever I date). So, it's for fun, right? Well, this is the kind of mindset that people who crave premarital sex have, isn't it? Like, name something you can learn from monogamous sex that you can't learn from cheating. So, what makes one wrong and the other wrong...but... you see, it's okay because... like, no. Is premarital sex wrong or right? I'm just going to say at this point that I'm a converting Catholic, so I do see it as wrong. And I know I should eventually see cheating as wrong, too. :/
From what I gain, the problem with cheating is people don't want to be hurt. I would be able to fix that problem by just not telling the other person. In fact, this is a conversation I actually had with my boyfriend of a year ago, but the conversation itself was hurtful to him (I couldn't see why - I thought communication was important in a relationship?). So, I can't just "bring it up." And think about it - if you use white lies, you are using a form of deceit anyway. Well, the purpose of a white lie is to not hurt the other person, right? So I would not tell him because he would get hurt. Sounds to me more like a white lie than deceit. Except it's not even a lie because I don't say anything....just avoid the topic....for his sake....
So, whatever. Let's say you disagree with me and think that deceit is just a form of lying. I guess what I'm proposing is the possibility that it wouldn't be a breach of trust if I would warn him that the relationship will be full of lies. Like, who says the other party has to agree? Don't I deserve respect in my desires too?
So, the reason I decided that cheating isn't something I will likely engage in is because But I'm afraid of resenting God again. Last time I resented God, I "broke up with Him" and then found the Catholic Church. Can't really do that again... so I just don't know what to do.
Is it normal that I think cheating is morally okay?
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You don't have to lie to be doing things behind someone's back. The only way that would even happen is if your partner specifically asked you. If that doesn't happen, the only thing it could be is deceit. And if it's deceit, I don't consider that lying. I think that the other person should be smart enough to see through that, and that if one person wants to keep some things from the other person, that shouldn't be a problem (there are many relationships in which one person doesn't want to share something - it might just be that they're not ready to share that yet). That way it's like a fun game that can be played in the relationship, and what's fun without games?
Maybe this has something to do with my Asperger's... that I don't get this kind of thing. I think of relationships as games for the most part. Sex? It's a game. Kissing? It's a game. I mean, I just learned that kissing can be sexual...and it freaked me the hay out. So, it's fun to be in a relationship. And it's fun to be in other relationships as well. Maybe the core issue here isn't cheating but what it means to be in a relationship itself that I don't seem to understand. I mean, it clearly isn't for procreative purposes (the only argument I see for that would be to marry whoever I date). So, it's for fun, right? Well, this is the kind of mindset that people who crave premarital sex have, isn't it? Like, name something you can learn from monogamous sex that you can't learn from cheating. So, what makes one wrong and the other wrong...but... you see, it's okay because... like, no. Is premarital sex wrong or right? I'm just going to say at this point that I'm a converting Catholic, so I do see it as wrong. And I know I should eventually see cheating as wrong, too. :/
From what I gain, the problem with cheating is people don't want to be hurt. I would be able to fix that problem by just not telling the other person. In fact, this is a conversation I actually had with my boyfriend of a year ago, but the conversation itself was hurtful to him (I couldn't see why - I thought communication was important in a relationship?). So, I can't just "bring it up." And think about it - if you use white lies, you are using a form of deceit anyway. Well, the purpose of a white lie is to not hurt the other person, right? So I would not tell him because he would get hurt. Sounds to me more like a white lie than deceit. Except it's not even a lie because I don't say anything....just avoid the topic....for his sake....
So, whatever. Let's say you disagree with me and think that deceit is just a form of lying. I guess what I'm proposing is the possibility that it wouldn't be a breach of trust if I would warn him that the relationship will be full of lies. Like, who says the other party has to agree? Don't I deserve respect in my desires too?
So, the reason I decided that cheating isn't something I will likely engage in is because But I'm afraid of resenting God again. Last time I resented God, I "broke up with Him" and then found the Catholic Church. Can't really do that again... so I just don't know what to do.