Is it normal that i stretched the truth about something so serious?

When I was 5 years old my cousin kissed me. I told my mom but she laughed & thought it was a cutesy little kid thing so I wasn't sure what to do when it started to get more serious. He started pushing me around, forcing me to kiss him & let him touch me while he took my clothes off. When I refused he would hit me & I would fight & fight until I eventually gave up and laid there while he did what he wanted. When I was fourteen he tried to rape me but I got away. I was really depressed about the entire situation, even though I know so many have been through so much worse. He was extremely emotionally abusive & I was (still am) terrified of him. I got a boyfriend and he kept insisting that he knew I was raped even though I told him I wasn't. I would have extreme nightmares & wake up screaming, and I had symptoms of PTSD, so he wouldn't believe that what had happened wasn't more severe than I was letting on. I got so tired of him calling me a liar that finally I said he did rape me. And ever since I have said that I was raped. And honestly, I feel like I was. Even before saying I was raped I have always felt like I was. I stretched it even more to say that he beat me. He hit me, yes, but he didn't really BEAT me. I just don't understand why I do this. I have nightmares of him raping me and beating me, as if it happened. He scares the shit out of me even now, but all he really did was make me feel worthless about myself, molest me & emotionally abuse me- which granted isn't a good situation but it's not what I make it. I guess I'm not really asking if what I've done is normal, but more of WHY I did it. Why I kept going with it. And why I honestly feel like he took everything from me. Please if your going to post negative comments don't say them in a mean fashion..I honestly just want to understand. I'm not usually a liar, I don't just lie all the time.