Is it normal that i still think about my sexual predator?

77% Normal
11 Comments

(sorry wasn't quite sure which category this would fall under...)

So, a while back I was sexually manipulated by someone that was older than me when I was not of age at the time. My time during the experience I thought it was good, although there was mind games going on during the relationship that I didn't come to realize until I started going to see a professional. I also realized after it that I didn't consent to some things.

The "relationship" if you were to call it lasted for around 2 months and then it came to an end when the police got involved and the person was ultimately awaiting trial (for almost a year) and was later sentenced. I am now of age and this person is still in jail, and I have conflicting feelings on whether to see them or not. I have so many unanswered questions from them that I wasn't able to receive because they were taken away from me so abruptly.

I care about them a lot and I'm worried about them, and truthfully, I still miss them even though I have been hurting ever since it happened. I can't even being to explain the back and forth psychological factors in all of this. Sometimes I wonder if everything wasn't actually so bad and everyone is making them seem more awful than it actually was. I'm too scared to post fuller details explaining why this situation is bad because I don't want people I know seeing it. I feel like I'm not normal enough to start dating again and that my trauma from all of it will make me a difficult partner.

Unfortunately, I did have to go to trial over it and it did reach the news. There were so many people saying "man I wish it was me," "wish I was there," "the "victim" is probably lying about it" and I was a kid reading it. I think it partially brainwashed me, and left me to have these feelings I have today. The person who did this to me was the only person who would listen to me, and was the person who I relied on for everything and it has destroyed me.

Is it normal that I miss them because I feel like I have no one else? If anyone can relate somehow I'd really appreciate some feedback/advice.

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 13 votes (10 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 11 )
  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    I think what you have is some sort of Stockholm syndrome, or something.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Doesnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      Yes indeed. Stockholm syndrome is where you have been brainwashed by an abusive relationship to the point where that becomes the 'norm' and you don't want to change from it, or develop an attachment to your perpetrator.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Interesting. I'll have to look into it more...

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • fauxpas
    4 years ago

    it's normal, but it's not healthy. i'm sorry about what you've gone through. if you have someone in your real life that you can trust i think it would be good to open up about this. if not, please try and get a therapist if you don't already have one. unfortunately, no matter what you do, it will take time to heal.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Thank you for your kind words. I do see a therapist and have ever since they were taken away and my friends and family are super supportive, but I truly hate opening up because I feel like I'm a burden and I don't want to make other people sad. I think time will be the ultimate healer in this case; at least I hope so.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Ellenna
        4 years ago

        I can understand why you could find it difficult to open up to family and friends, but if you're seeing a therapist please don't stop yourself from opening up in therapy sessions.

        Often feelings aren't clear cut in this type of situation, so you're not abnormal to be ambivalent. If you really feel you have "no one else" that's another issue to deal with, but you do mention family and friends?

        Please hang in there with the counselling and deal with these issues in your own time, not forgetting to be gentle with yourself.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          it's just difficult for me because I've always wanted this huge comeback story from it because so many people have believed in me so I want them to think I'm okay. It's just this odd conflict that I've created for myself.

          I technically do have other people, but when it comes to manipulation in this sense it's really easy to get attached and to be convinced no one else cares ya know? It's this weird long-term effect.

          Thank you, I will do my best.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Ellenna
            4 years ago

            I identify with your feeling that no-one cares, which is pretty much what I experienced when I was raped some years ago. People I thought were friends withdrew or criticized me for being angry and I found that apart from a couple of people the only support I received was from an excellent sexual assault counsellor and over the phone from a sexual assault support line.

            I also identify with you wanting people to think you're ok: I got sick and tired of people telling me how strong I am, which I was and am, but I wasn't always feeling strong and at those times I hid away, used the professional counselling services and felt I couldn't keep bothering people with my problem.

            I believe one issue is that people feel they have to "fix" you when you're distressed and of course they can't, so withdraw, when all I really needed was often a hug and someone to just listen.

            Hang in there: it will get better with good counselling and the passage of time. Stay away from people who undermine your strength in any way, it's not worth it. In my case I learned to not have contact with people who talk bullshit about how it must have been my karma to be raped and any other newage (rhymes with sewage) nonsense.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • Ellenna
              4 years ago

              PS: And by the way, don't listen to people who tell you that in order to heal you have to forgive the perpetrator: that's christian rubbish and not true. I've healed from that rape but I haven't forgiven him and I never will because he doesn't deserve my forgiveness.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • Doesnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    Normal side effect of an unfourtunate series of events. Check out stockholm syndrome.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • dimwitted
    4 years ago

    Talk to a pro. Take your time and fuck everyone else.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0