You're not having an honest relationship if you're keeping your real sexual desires a secret from him - not criticising, just pointing out, so that wd obviously affect how you respond to him sexually.
At some point I think you're going to have to make a difficult choice about breaking up with him and going for what you want or continuing to keep sexual secrets from him.
Is it normal that i only "come" when masturbating?
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You're not having an honest relationship if you're keeping your real sexual desires a secret from him - not criticising, just pointing out, so that wd obviously affect how you respond to him sexually.
At some point I think you're going to have to make a difficult choice about breaking up with him and going for what you want or continuing to keep sexual secrets from him.