I've never said this before, but you just told my story. Religion does seem to point downward. Atheism (a thought we are taught is forbidden) sometimes seems like the easier path. Then, there's no God to blame, and it then makes sense that life doesn't make sense.
Just a pointer: I bet somewhere inside you MUST believe there is something greater or you wouldn't be in so much fear.
It's easy to make not understanding God a premise for not believing. A sincere prayer means much more than empty words: "God, I don't know if I believe in you or not. Maybe I'm talking to nothing. But I want to want to believe" That type of sincerity will give you more than all of the religious dogma and trying to figure it all out. It's okay to be confused.p
Is it normal that I obsess about what happens after you die?
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I've never said this before, but you just told my story. Religion does seem to point downward. Atheism (a thought we are taught is forbidden) sometimes seems like the easier path. Then, there's no God to blame, and it then makes sense that life doesn't make sense.
Just a pointer: I bet somewhere inside you MUST believe there is something greater or you wouldn't be in so much fear.
It's easy to make not understanding God a premise for not believing. A sincere prayer means much more than empty words: "God, I don't know if I believe in you or not. Maybe I'm talking to nothing. But I want to want to believe" That type of sincerity will give you more than all of the religious dogma and trying to figure it all out. It's okay to be confused.p