Driving on the highway or on the streets doesn't make a difference, the odometer measures miles driven, not miles to the gallon. And he is probably taking highways anyway. Not using highways at night because of the drunks that might be driving on the highways is stupid. He probably feels that way. There are just as many DUI accidents in the city than there are on the highway, if there are not more. It looks like you're setting nonsense rules for his own "safety" when really you haven't thought it out that much as well.
There's no need to feel like crap for it. Anyone can look at his odometer, assuming his windows are not tinted jet black, so why can't you? I think that you do have a right to know but I think that you should probably reexamine your relationship with him. Ask yourself why he would want to leave the house and be away from you like that.
Think about it, when you guys do spend time together, do you have fun together? Or is it about you, do you expect him to do for you? Or are you under the illusion that being a good homemaker- cooking his dinner, cleaning his house etc. is all you need to do to make him happy? Do you feel that you have a right to every aspect of his life? Many women think that they are selfless and loving, gracious wives/girlfriends/homemakers when they are really just self-entitled brats and/or think that all a man wants is a chef, a maid, a therapist and a vagina.
In our city, there are a lot of cases where drunks get on the highway and drive the wrong way. I know there are drunk drivers everywhere. We do have fun together, and most of the time, we do things he wants to do. And please do not generalize women as being brats and self-centered. I know I'm a hard pill to swallow, but he isn't that pleasant all the time. Besides, what does your last paragraph have to do with why he runs and hides somewhere and keeping it from me? And I give him the time he needs and wants. I never give him crap for playing his video games the entire day. Ours is a give-and-take relationship. Plus, we're adults. He should be able to come to me about anything.
I'll humor you here. All women are self-centered brats. Happy?
There are a lot of cases of drunks getting on the highway here too. I live in San Diego. That's still not a reason to fear being on the highway. You can get killed just as easily on the street.If you can't see how my last paragraph would have to do with how he runs and hides, then there is no use in my explaining it to you. Many of the people here have told you to go to him for answers and I am merely giving you a different perspective- look at yourself. Ask yourself what you might be doing wrong to push him away and don't delude yourself into thinking that it's all him. Some women ARE selfish brats and they think that the man should make all of the effort into figuring out what is wrong. If you can't appreciate that I am telling you to take that effort-figure out why he wants to leave and don't delude yourself into thinking that it's 100% him-then like I said, there's no point in arguing it.
He's obviously into escapism. He escapes reality with his car and with his controller as opposed to turning to you for comfort. Take the advice of the other posters but at the same time, ask yourself if there is anything you could POSSIBLY be doing to further his efforts to escape you?
He may be cheating. He may be drinking. He may be shooting heroin up his ass but whatever it is, he enjoys it more than BEING WITH YOU and I am telling you to figure out WHY.
Being an adult doesn't solve all of your interpersonal problems. Adults are fully capable of acting like anti-social children. "I'm a hard pill to swallow but so is he", knowing you have flaws and not doing anything about them is the same as not giving a shit, period. Him being difficult does not excuse you for being difficult.
I have asked him if it has anything to do with me, and he swears to me that it doesn't. So, I have to trust and believe him, no? Trust me, I internalize everything, so I automatically thought it was me. Why he's leaving isn't even my big issue. It's where he's stopping. That's what I want to know. Whatever the fuck it is I'm doing wrong, he needs to tell me. Sometimes we don't realize that what we're doing is wrong. When he's not doing something right, I make sure I tell him. He should be doing the same for me.
Then maybe he is a shitty communicator or bored of you. Because the bottom line is that he is unhappy with you. Even me and my overly independant ass would have told my husband by now. There's a chance that he might BE doing something wrong but if it seems that the both of you are unhappy in the relationship it might be time to try counseling or call it quits.
I'll tell you this, might help you gain some insight on escapism.
My buddy is a man, 53 years old, and his wife has had drug/depression/stealing money from him/alcohol/smoking problems in the past and no matter what he has done, none of her problems seem to ever let up. He he has given up. He works as much as possible, watches TV all day (despite her coming in front of the TV now and then to nag at him about not getting butter when grocery shopping, etc.), and sometimes just leaves without telling her. I did the same fucking thing when I lived there. She sucked the life out of everyone with her issues.
I'm not saying you have a drug/depression problem but he might be fed up with reality or the reality of the relationship and trying to escape something that he perceives to be sucking the life out of him. You have to get the root of the problem. What are you doing, what's getting him and what you can do to help. People don't always communicate with words but in the case of my buddy, who is fed up with words as fighting her has proven to be futile, whose wife can't for the life of her figure out why he is so upset, there is communication there but you have to pay close attention to the entire situation.
Like I said, I'm a hard pill to swallow. And I know I'm not a perfect girlfriend at all. I do have jealousy issues, and I understand that he gets fed up with that. But even on days when my jealousy doesn't come out at all, he still leaves. I'm happy in the relationship, and he seems to be too. He's always happy and very loveable towards me as he's always been. That's why I know he's not cheating.
If you're both happy then maybe he's just being a bitch about it. I was under the impression that he was going out more often then just once a week. And he won't just tell you where he is going? If you've already cleared all of the above and you're confident that you're not pissing him off in a way that you could avoid then that's a huge red flag.
Like I said, I'm an independent person myself but even I would just tell my husband. This guy has way too much spare time on his hands and needs time away, no doubt, not having a job will do that to you but the least he can do is put his frustrations into getting another job.
The funny thing is, while her husband completely shuts her out, (we're all so used to her moping that we just subconsciusly accept it), he talks just fine to me. She says that he has a communication problem but he speaks to me just fine.
She has never sat down with him and watched TV with him and laughed at his jokes or appreciated his sense of humor. She has never gone to a car show with him and ooohhed and ahhheed along with him, or listened to his incessant engine talk. She treats him as a bank and an inconvenience, but we get along just fine. Maybe try doing what I do. Sit down with the guy, play video games with him, bond with him and what he likes to do because he obviously feels disconnected from you right now.
Yeah, I understand that. We both know that we're not always both into the same things. But I'll watch his stuff, and he'll watch mine. Sometimes we spend time apart-he'll be in the living room, and I'll be in the bedroom. I was the one concerned about that, but he said it's normal for couples to do that. We do laugh a lot and play around. He's intimate in other ways: he still kisses me, hugs me out of nowhere, wants me to lay with him, etc. It's just his sex drive is not all there anymore.
Is it normal that I'm suspicious of my boyfriend?
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Driving on the highway or on the streets doesn't make a difference, the odometer measures miles driven, not miles to the gallon. And he is probably taking highways anyway. Not using highways at night because of the drunks that might be driving on the highways is stupid. He probably feels that way. There are just as many DUI accidents in the city than there are on the highway, if there are not more. It looks like you're setting nonsense rules for his own "safety" when really you haven't thought it out that much as well.
There's no need to feel like crap for it. Anyone can look at his odometer, assuming his windows are not tinted jet black, so why can't you? I think that you do have a right to know but I think that you should probably reexamine your relationship with him. Ask yourself why he would want to leave the house and be away from you like that.
Think about it, when you guys do spend time together, do you have fun together? Or is it about you, do you expect him to do for you? Or are you under the illusion that being a good homemaker- cooking his dinner, cleaning his house etc. is all you need to do to make him happy? Do you feel that you have a right to every aspect of his life? Many women think that they are selfless and loving, gracious wives/girlfriends/homemakers when they are really just self-entitled brats and/or think that all a man wants is a chef, a maid, a therapist and a vagina.
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In our city, there are a lot of cases where drunks get on the highway and drive the wrong way. I know there are drunk drivers everywhere. We do have fun together, and most of the time, we do things he wants to do. And please do not generalize women as being brats and self-centered. I know I'm a hard pill to swallow, but he isn't that pleasant all the time. Besides, what does your last paragraph have to do with why he runs and hides somewhere and keeping it from me? And I give him the time he needs and wants. I never give him crap for playing his video games the entire day. Ours is a give-and-take relationship. Plus, we're adults. He should be able to come to me about anything.
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NeuroNeptunian
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I'll humor you here. All women are self-centered brats. Happy?
There are a lot of cases of drunks getting on the highway here too. I live in San Diego. That's still not a reason to fear being on the highway. You can get killed just as easily on the street.If you can't see how my last paragraph would have to do with how he runs and hides, then there is no use in my explaining it to you. Many of the people here have told you to go to him for answers and I am merely giving you a different perspective- look at yourself. Ask yourself what you might be doing wrong to push him away and don't delude yourself into thinking that it's all him. Some women ARE selfish brats and they think that the man should make all of the effort into figuring out what is wrong. If you can't appreciate that I am telling you to take that effort-figure out why he wants to leave and don't delude yourself into thinking that it's 100% him-then like I said, there's no point in arguing it.
He's obviously into escapism. He escapes reality with his car and with his controller as opposed to turning to you for comfort. Take the advice of the other posters but at the same time, ask yourself if there is anything you could POSSIBLY be doing to further his efforts to escape you?
He may be cheating. He may be drinking. He may be shooting heroin up his ass but whatever it is, he enjoys it more than BEING WITH YOU and I am telling you to figure out WHY.
Being an adult doesn't solve all of your interpersonal problems. Adults are fully capable of acting like anti-social children. "I'm a hard pill to swallow but so is he", knowing you have flaws and not doing anything about them is the same as not giving a shit, period. Him being difficult does not excuse you for being difficult.
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riley10
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I have asked him if it has anything to do with me, and he swears to me that it doesn't. So, I have to trust and believe him, no? Trust me, I internalize everything, so I automatically thought it was me. Why he's leaving isn't even my big issue. It's where he's stopping. That's what I want to know. Whatever the fuck it is I'm doing wrong, he needs to tell me. Sometimes we don't realize that what we're doing is wrong. When he's not doing something right, I make sure I tell him. He should be doing the same for me.
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NeuroNeptunian
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Then maybe he is a shitty communicator or bored of you. Because the bottom line is that he is unhappy with you. Even me and my overly independant ass would have told my husband by now. There's a chance that he might BE doing something wrong but if it seems that the both of you are unhappy in the relationship it might be time to try counseling or call it quits.
I'll tell you this, might help you gain some insight on escapism.
My buddy is a man, 53 years old, and his wife has had drug/depression/stealing money from him/alcohol/smoking problems in the past and no matter what he has done, none of her problems seem to ever let up. He he has given up. He works as much as possible, watches TV all day (despite her coming in front of the TV now and then to nag at him about not getting butter when grocery shopping, etc.), and sometimes just leaves without telling her. I did the same fucking thing when I lived there. She sucked the life out of everyone with her issues.
I'm not saying you have a drug/depression problem but he might be fed up with reality or the reality of the relationship and trying to escape something that he perceives to be sucking the life out of him. You have to get the root of the problem. What are you doing, what's getting him and what you can do to help. People don't always communicate with words but in the case of my buddy, who is fed up with words as fighting her has proven to be futile, whose wife can't for the life of her figure out why he is so upset, there is communication there but you have to pay close attention to the entire situation.
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NeuroNeptunian
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Like I said, I'm a hard pill to swallow. And I know I'm not a perfect girlfriend at all. I do have jealousy issues, and I understand that he gets fed up with that. But even on days when my jealousy doesn't come out at all, he still leaves. I'm happy in the relationship, and he seems to be too. He's always happy and very loveable towards me as he's always been. That's why I know he's not cheating.
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If you're both happy then maybe he's just being a bitch about it. I was under the impression that he was going out more often then just once a week. And he won't just tell you where he is going? If you've already cleared all of the above and you're confident that you're not pissing him off in a way that you could avoid then that's a huge red flag.
Like I said, I'm an independent person myself but even I would just tell my husband. This guy has way too much spare time on his hands and needs time away, no doubt, not having a job will do that to you but the least he can do is put his frustrations into getting another job.
The funny thing is, while her husband completely shuts her out, (we're all so used to her moping that we just subconsciusly accept it), he talks just fine to me. She says that he has a communication problem but he speaks to me just fine.
She has never sat down with him and watched TV with him and laughed at his jokes or appreciated his sense of humor. She has never gone to a car show with him and ooohhed and ahhheed along with him, or listened to his incessant engine talk. She treats him as a bank and an inconvenience, but we get along just fine. Maybe try doing what I do. Sit down with the guy, play video games with him, bond with him and what he likes to do because he obviously feels disconnected from you right now.
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riley10
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Yeah, I understand that. We both know that we're not always both into the same things. But I'll watch his stuff, and he'll watch mine. Sometimes we spend time apart-he'll be in the living room, and I'll be in the bedroom. I was the one concerned about that, but he said it's normal for couples to do that. We do laugh a lot and play around. He's intimate in other ways: he still kisses me, hugs me out of nowhere, wants me to lay with him, etc. It's just his sex drive is not all there anymore.