I don't agree it's chronic and impossible to cure: especially for women, it's part of our conditioning to take care of others at our own expense and this can be changed with the right support and counselling.
I don't see it as an illness but a result of societal expectations, being too gullible and trusting and being sucked into the manipulative games of addicts, and we can choose not to be limited by those expectations, to be less gullible and extricate ourselves from the games: I'm not saying it's easy, but it is possible.
In my case, it was a HUGE shock for me to realise that as much as I may love someone, I have a choice about whether or not I allow myself to express that love in a way that is detrimental to me. In the case of addiction, AlAnon teaches that "supporting" an addict - forgiving them over and over again; helping them out of difficulties of their own making; supporting them financially and all the rest of it - is in fact supporting the ADDICTION.
People are all different in their degree of codependency and their ability to change...some have traits or clusters but do not have the full personality disorder.....for the ones that do it is almost impossible to change as this pervasive pattern of relating to others developed over many years and becomes ingrained and automatic....hardwired.....
In Al anon you will see people that never truely get it....they will talk about their addicted spouse, child, boyfriend, whatever for years....never realizing that it has NOTHING to do with them at all....its about themselves....many of them are addicts too...prescription pills and closet drinkers...but their perfectionism is so strong they cant even admit to themselves
Most of this way of relating is learned in dysfunctional family systems...mostly with having a parent that is an addict or has mental illness
Is it normal that I'm still in a relationship with a meth addict
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I don't agree it's chronic and impossible to cure: especially for women, it's part of our conditioning to take care of others at our own expense and this can be changed with the right support and counselling.
I don't see it as an illness but a result of societal expectations, being too gullible and trusting and being sucked into the manipulative games of addicts, and we can choose not to be limited by those expectations, to be less gullible and extricate ourselves from the games: I'm not saying it's easy, but it is possible.
In my case, it was a HUGE shock for me to realise that as much as I may love someone, I have a choice about whether or not I allow myself to express that love in a way that is detrimental to me. In the case of addiction, AlAnon teaches that "supporting" an addict - forgiving them over and over again; helping them out of difficulties of their own making; supporting them financially and all the rest of it - is in fact supporting the ADDICTION.
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Lonely2
7 years ago
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People are all different in their degree of codependency and their ability to change...some have traits or clusters but do not have the full personality disorder.....for the ones that do it is almost impossible to change as this pervasive pattern of relating to others developed over many years and becomes ingrained and automatic....hardwired.....
In Al anon you will see people that never truely get it....they will talk about their addicted spouse, child, boyfriend, whatever for years....never realizing that it has NOTHING to do with them at all....its about themselves....many of them are addicts too...prescription pills and closet drinkers...but their perfectionism is so strong they cant even admit to themselves
Most of this way of relating is learned in dysfunctional family systems...mostly with having a parent that is an addict or has mental illness