You say this addict is your boy friend and has been for some time, yet you expect him to keep a promise to you, especially before rehab? You need more help than he does, sweety. Get yourself to a shrink ASAP!
AlAnon if she can't manage a shrink, because they know all about co-dependence and the games addicts play, plus the games their enablers get hooked into
Unfortunately you're correct, but that doesn't mean non-addicts involved with them don't have the choice to put an end to their part in the games which perpetuate the addiction
Co dependency is the real illness ....psychiatry would call it dependent personality disorder...like all the personality disorders it is chronic...almost impossible to cure....if the person is young and seeks help and is serious they can change
For most people they can at least get a good education and recognize their symptoms and this knowledge can help them make better choices...but the underlying illness is still present
I don't agree it's chronic and impossible to cure: especially for women, it's part of our conditioning to take care of others at our own expense and this can be changed with the right support and counselling.
I don't see it as an illness but a result of societal expectations, being too gullible and trusting and being sucked into the manipulative games of addicts, and we can choose not to be limited by those expectations, to be less gullible and extricate ourselves from the games: I'm not saying it's easy, but it is possible.
In my case, it was a HUGE shock for me to realise that as much as I may love someone, I have a choice about whether or not I allow myself to express that love in a way that is detrimental to me. In the case of addiction, AlAnon teaches that "supporting" an addict - forgiving them over and over again; helping them out of difficulties of their own making; supporting them financially and all the rest of it - is in fact supporting the ADDICTION.
People are all different in their degree of codependency and their ability to change...some have traits or clusters but do not have the full personality disorder.....for the ones that do it is almost impossible to change as this pervasive pattern of relating to others developed over many years and becomes ingrained and automatic....hardwired.....
In Al anon you will see people that never truely get it....they will talk about their addicted spouse, child, boyfriend, whatever for years....never realizing that it has NOTHING to do with them at all....its about themselves....many of them are addicts too...prescription pills and closet drinkers...but their perfectionism is so strong they cant even admit to themselves
Most of this way of relating is learned in dysfunctional family systems...mostly with having a parent that is an addict or has mental illness
Is it normal that I'm still in a relationship with a meth addict
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You say this addict is your boy friend and has been for some time, yet you expect him to keep a promise to you, especially before rehab? You need more help than he does, sweety. Get yourself to a shrink ASAP!
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_trillian
7 years ago
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Lonely2
7 years ago
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Ellenna
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I will they all say the same I just try to be optimistic and see the best in people
She too young to see it...shell learn the hard way like we all do
AlAnon if she can't manage a shrink, because they know all about co-dependence and the games addicts play, plus the games their enablers get hooked into
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Lonely2
7 years ago
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They learn the games but many never learn that they are sick too
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Ellenna
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Unfortunately you're correct, but that doesn't mean non-addicts involved with them don't have the choice to put an end to their part in the games which perpetuate the addiction
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Lonely2
7 years ago
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Co dependency is the real illness ....psychiatry would call it dependent personality disorder...like all the personality disorders it is chronic...almost impossible to cure....if the person is young and seeks help and is serious they can change
For most people they can at least get a good education and recognize their symptoms and this knowledge can help them make better choices...but the underlying illness is still present
--
Ellenna
7 years ago
|
pl
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I don't agree it's chronic and impossible to cure: especially for women, it's part of our conditioning to take care of others at our own expense and this can be changed with the right support and counselling.
I don't see it as an illness but a result of societal expectations, being too gullible and trusting and being sucked into the manipulative games of addicts, and we can choose not to be limited by those expectations, to be less gullible and extricate ourselves from the games: I'm not saying it's easy, but it is possible.
In my case, it was a HUGE shock for me to realise that as much as I may love someone, I have a choice about whether or not I allow myself to express that love in a way that is detrimental to me. In the case of addiction, AlAnon teaches that "supporting" an addict - forgiving them over and over again; helping them out of difficulties of their own making; supporting them financially and all the rest of it - is in fact supporting the ADDICTION.
--
Lonely2
7 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
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People are all different in their degree of codependency and their ability to change...some have traits or clusters but do not have the full personality disorder.....for the ones that do it is almost impossible to change as this pervasive pattern of relating to others developed over many years and becomes ingrained and automatic....hardwired.....
In Al anon you will see people that never truely get it....they will talk about their addicted spouse, child, boyfriend, whatever for years....never realizing that it has NOTHING to do with them at all....its about themselves....many of them are addicts too...prescription pills and closet drinkers...but their perfectionism is so strong they cant even admit to themselves
Most of this way of relating is learned in dysfunctional family systems...mostly with having a parent that is an addict or has mental illness