Is it normal that i'm so sad and angry, and that i feel alone?

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12 Comments

I'm not usually like this, I am usually a loving, happy, and caring person. This is a somewhat long story that I tried to make short.

Very recently, I discovered that the two people closest to me that are not family have been lying to me practically since they met me.

Malicious and horrible emails were sent by one of them, giving me trust issues. They both lied to me about their pasts and some of their present life. One of them I am practically cutting off contact with. The other one I am trying to forgive and trust again. (It is a very long story and would take quite some time to explain.) The just is that one of them lied maliciously and doesn't give a flying f*** about hurting me and the other one lied out of good intentions and has shown that they truly care about me and feels like s*** for hurting me.

Ever since I have found out they lied, it has been at least 10 times harder to trust people, and I am often times just out of the blue very sad and wanting to cry, sometimes I do. I'm also angry often, especially towards the one who wrote the emails. I want to call him and scream at him about how I really feel and hopefully make him feel like crap, but I know that he does not care about me in the slightest bit or that he hurt me, so I with hold my anger the best that I can. For weeks now I've just been really sad or really mad, I have major trust issues, and I feel that often times I am alone, and that if I need help, I have no one to turn to. Its hard with the world we live in now with so many people not caring about others to lose the people that aren't family that actually care about you. I know that its going to take a while to get over this and regain my trust for people, but is it normal that I am this sad and angry and feeling alone as frequently as I am?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 12 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • PrincessLollipop
    11 years ago | pl

    It's part of life. Not everyone will have as good a heart as you, but these are the things that will only make you stronger. You can't just NOT trust anyone ever again. Everything will be okay with time. My heart goes out to you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago | pl

      Thank you! I will trust people and handle the situation well, I don't want to lose my caring and trust for people and I won't let them change that.

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  • soul-man
    11 years ago | pl

    I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I'm actually facing a very similar situation right now except that in my case I'm the one who's been lying about a certain aspect of my life. It hasn't come to this point yet although I suspect it will very soon. But that's not really the point here.

    As for your situation, here's what I think you should do. The first person, the one who's been lying out of malicious intent, is irredeemable and it would be for the best to try and cut him out of your life as much as possible. The other one deserves another chance. Don't do anything hasty without thinking first, because I think it's a very delicate situation. For now just take your time, try to concentrate on other people in your life and let this whole thing cool off. Confront it only when you're ready; you'll know it once it happens.
    For now, good luck.

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  • equanimity
    11 years ago | pl

    If you find yourself that upset, you should talk to someone in real life and not the people who you referred to as the two people who are closest to you. Can't you talk you your family, you seem to still believe that you can trust them. Or do you have a school counselor or favorite teacher you could talk to about this with?

    Learning to trust the right people is a part of life and sometimes you are going to make mistakes and the lines of communication will break down. A lot of people have had a scenario like yours and they feel bad too. But what says the most about your character, is how you pick yourself up and move on from it with grace and dignity.

    And as you get older and gain more experience, it will be easier for you to know when to trust and when not to. It's all a learning process.

    You should also consider that you may have had an unwitting role in this bad situation with your two closest friends. If they truly were as close to you as you claim, then I'm sure there must be a reason why they turned on you without your knowledge. Friends don't turn on friends for no good reasons.

    Or perhaps you placed more value on your relationship with them than what was realistically there. People have been known to read more into relationships, friendship or otherwise, than what is there in reality because they want so badly for it to be true and real. You seem lonely and desperate for love and acceptance, so perhaps you are more attached to people than they are to you. As you get older, you will develop a keener sense of who really likes you and who doesn't. People will tell you what you want to hear to be agreeable, not even meaning to deceive, but it is your job to filter through the flattery and the pretty words. You must learn to protect yourself because you shouldn't and don't need to feel this depressed.

    Not that you deserve to be treated poorly, but I think you could work on building boundaries with people. Start by cutting back on the lamenting. I'm sure they weren't the only two people in your world. You seem young, you are going to have MANY, MANY opportunities for friendship and love in your lifetime.

    I wasn't going to do any commenting tonight, but I saw your story and felt bad that you are feeling so awful. Chin up, sunshine! Put your big-girl pants on and face the world again. ;)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago | pl

      I don't talk to one of the people that I reffered to as closest to me, I hope to take him out of my life after I get my closure. Only one other person knows about the situation, I didn't want to drag others into it, I felt that it is unneccesary to do that to them. I will be happy around others even when I am sad, etc. I feel like I can save the relationship I have with the second one, so I am trying to trust him and move past it. I am going to attempt to tell a different friend about the situation and hope that she will help me. I just have a really big heart and care about people much more than most people care about others, I often feel that my care for people is often not reciprocated. So I am going to give people the chance to be there for me like I have been there for them. Sorry if I seem so dramatic, I really am usually not like this at all. Thank you so much for the advice, I am alot happier right now and am going to confront this all head on and move on.

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      • equanimity
        11 years ago | pl

        I'm glad to hear you're finally feeling a bit better. There is no use dwelling on drama, it won't help you.

        There's something in your reply that stood out to me, it's when you mentioned "...after I get my closure." That sounds a little bit like revenge (or like Golum in LOTR talking about the ring), so be cautious. Revenge only has a momentary feel-good effect, but it leaves you feeling unsatisfied in the long run because you had to sink to their level to accomplish it. Wining on their terms, when you claim to be a loving, caring, and happy person, will only bring you more misery.

        I wouldn't suggest giving them any sort of explanation of your feelings. Do you really think they deserve to know the impact they had on you? Don't you think you're worth more than exposing your feelings to people who could care less about you? I don't think you'll find closure in that. That's not really what closure is about.

        Closure is about forgiving yourself for choosing the wrong friends to keep closest to you. If you can forgive yourself, you'll realize that you don't need to explain to jerks that they hurt you and you didn't appreciate their treatment of you. They probably wouldn't care if you did anyway, otherwise they would not have treated you poorly in the first place.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    Hun, I have felt the same way about people in my life I was supposed to be able to trust. it maybe won't be the same when you learn to trust again, but now you'll be more careful about WHO you trust, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. :) No one deserves to be treated like crap, just remember that.

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  • pirate4rent
    11 years ago | pl

    It's easy to hate, harder to tolerate and hardest of all to trust and therefore love. You sound like you have good character so should hopefully be able to put this behind you in time. My best wishes CJG

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    It's life. If you are going to close off trust to everyone because of one of the bad apples, then you aren't going to handle alot of other things in life.

    One person is a bad apple in this story, so you throw that apple in the bin.

    If you want closure, then get it. Tell them how you feel and end it after that. You can't expect it all to fix itself just because you wish it would.

    Tell that person how you feel and take them out of your life.

    If one negative person is all it takes to make you become this way, then you're not making it fair for the other people around you that you still have. Why should they bother being friends with you if you're not going to be able to trust them (You said you're finding it hard to trust people).

    I think this attitude will make others shy away from you rather than want to help.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago | pl

      I am not going to completely cut off my trust to others, I am going to still keep myself vulnerable and try to open up to others. I think I will take the chance and just tell that person how I feel because you are right, it will give me closure, and hopefully I'll just move past all this, I am trying to do that now. I am not as sad/mad/feeling alone as when I first found out about it, I just know that closure and a bit of time will heal me up. Only three people know about what happened, two of them being the two people involved. I act happy around others when I do get upset about it and keep the situation to myself because I feel I shouldn't drag people into it and it is done with now. I will try to open up to some other people I know about it, its just hard to find people that actually listen to what you have to say and truly care. Thank you for your advice, I know this won't fix itself and I will face this head on.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago | pl

        Well, that's good. There are alot of bad people in this world, don't let them wound you, nobody likes to be around an emotionaly wounded person.

        This is what this site can be used for, telling others a full story that you aren't comfortable telling others yet. If you need someone to talk to on the matter, then post the full story, and you'll most likely get quite a bit of advice, or come in the chat feature to fully explain. (Although I would suggest just submitting it as a story).

        Best thing to do is express your feelings when you're ready, move them out of your life, and move on. The longer you leaver, the longer it goes without closure.

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  • cooldudejw
    11 years ago | pl

    iv had bad friends too. and i find it hard to trust people too. dont worry. its normal

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