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Even with friends with whom we mutually trust each other, practically as much as people could, I just can't help but sit behind a fake personality, if I even show any at all, apart from well timed witticisms, in an MST3k Style.
i have friends, friends I joke with, push the enveolope a bit and just have a good laugh. then there are my Mates who I'd take a bullet for because I know they'd do the same for me. The type of people you can say some of the sickest fucked up stuff to and they just laugh and remind you that hell has a place for you. Go find someone you can be completely yourself with. It will do ya a world of good