Is it normal that i'm never in "the mood" with my boyfriend?

24% Normal
45 Comments

Its been almost a year since i had sex with my boyfriend. We used to have sex all the time in the beginning of our relationship, now it seems like our sex life went down the drain, at least for me. He begs me to do it with him or give him something on the side (bj's) but i'm just never in the mood with him anymore. He tries his heart out to try to get me in to have sex but i just can't. I'm not seeing anyone else nor have i have plans to do so. I love him very much and i never cheated on him. Anyone know why?

Voting Results
24% Normal
Based on 600 votes (141 yes)
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Comments ( 45 )
  • TerryVie
    11 years ago | pl

    No, it's not normal.

    While there is a chemical outburst in the beginning of the relationship that makes you behave like rabbits, which eventually ebbs away, you should still have a regular sex drive.

    It seems your libido has been put into a casket and thrown into a hole in the cellar.
    I assume you also never masturbate?(that is, you are not in the mood at all, and not just not in the mood with him?)

    You should go and see your doctor about this. While a low libido may be normal, the total absence of any kind of libido is kind of unnormal for young females-

    As for your boyfriend, unlike us, they have physical needs. That is, that stuff NEEDS to get out, one way or the other. If no sex or masturbation, nightly discharge. Their hormon levels increase and make them do pretty stupid stuff to get that release.

    If you REALLY love him, you should go and buy some lube. So yeah, you are not really in the mood. Who cares? I'm also not in the mood to go to work on monday morning. Still do it. It may feel a bit weird and inconvenient to let him fuck you when you are not in the mood, but it will make him so incredibly happy. And if you really love him, you will want to make him happy, see it as a regular gift only YOU can give to him. Whats 15 minutes of being a bit uncomfortable to the happyness of a person? Heck, maybe you even learn to put on a bit of a show *shrug* Make him feel he did a great job there, giving you 2 orgasms in a row.(i am usually not advocating faking it, but if you just lay there like a log of wood and let him "do his business" only more problems will arise)
    And to be honest: There's a good chance he will eventually look elsewhere if you deny yourself to him.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      ^
      This absence of a libido thing happened with my ex. Ruined the relationship too. We had both been under some strain in the relationship but this certainly didn't help.
      Make SURE he feels loved. Even if it's not through sex. Just make sure you show him you care and aren't losing interest in him emotionally.

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    • courtney124
      8 years ago

      Do NOT have sex just to make someone else happy! That is the dumbest thing i've ever heard. Comparing sex to work on Monday. If a guy has needs and you are not in the mood he can handle it on his own like a big boy. HE should care that you're not in the mood as well. Although yes, you wish you could just want to like he does, all the time.. it's not that simple. Go see a doctor, look in to it. Could be a simple fix. But do not ever make your self uncomfortable in that situation or you will not want sex even more than you don't want it now. Trust me.

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  • UnrecognizableMan
    11 years ago | pl

    You mean begging isn't a turn on? Damn it, thats my main approach. The other one is alcohol.

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  • Gideonbeliever
    11 years ago

    Poor bastard. Perhaps get him to work out more to work on his muscle tone. At least if you're still not turned on by him he has a chance of picking up a less boring girl?

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    • brunette79
      6 years ago

      just because she doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean she's boring you absolute twat

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    Labido booster= Exercise!! Plus if your stressed your labido will drop hugely! This might sound HORRIBLE, but I suggest you try having sex even though your not up to it, tell him your not into it, but you want to try for him. That he has to be careful and gentle, and foreplay with you alot. It's possible you want it, but you just don't know it. If it's been a year then you should definately give this a try :) I had a bit of a labido loss for different reasons, and I kinda had to ease myself back into it with the help of my boyfriend. ;) goodluck!

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    • Infxmous
      11 years ago

      Yes i agree with foreplay to get you in the mood. It doesnt even have to be anything sexual. For me i get turned on wen y boyfrien makes me feel like a lady or just acts like a gentleman, so for me taking me to a nice dinner is like foreplay! You should explore the things you think would turn you on about him. Or maybe give you a message or something.

      Another trick i use to get myself in the mood when im anticipating having sex is that i read literotica or watch some porn. That way im turned on by the time i see him ad he doesnt have to try too hard to get me on the mood, just how he likes it. Men can see a half naked body an get turned on, but for girls it takes much, much more than that.

      Unless of course if you just dont think hes good in bed, thats a whole different problem.

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  • ginz
    11 years ago

    that comment roflmao ^

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  • 1776
    11 years ago

    Just tell him you want to be friend cause youre a lesbian and go out lick some pussy.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Do you have nostrils?

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    • LooksLikeLove
      11 years ago

      ? But ROFL anyway x

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    • SimpleBlue
      11 years ago

      No.

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    • Thewomanizer
      11 years ago

      whats that supposed to mean, plz someone tell me..?

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      • ccjigsaw
        11 years ago

        You're supposed to say "Yeah why?" And then he says "cause if they're flaring you're going to get raped" Or atleast that's what I've seen so far?

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        • Thewomanizer
          11 years ago

          oh, never heard that one before...weird but haha

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          no thats unrelated to this post. It's not a joke it's a serious question.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        I thought it was obvious.

        Do

        You

        Have

        Nost

        Nostr

        Nostri

        Nostril

        NNNNNNNOOOOOOOSSSSSSSTTTTTTTRRRRRIIIIIILLLLLLSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

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  • Whoknows024
    9 years ago

    I'm currently dealing with this but I'm the guy in the situation. The mother of my 2 year old and my girlfriend of over 4 years hasn't been in the mood for over 6 months now. I, like this other gentleman, have tried everything and even degraded myself to levels of begging. I don't cheat on her and she's the only one I've never cheated on. She was my best friend growing up so I committed completely and stayed true and now I am going through a whirlwind with her. The worst part is she says she has no idea why she isn't in the mood which I have a very difficult time believing and now I have developed these insecurities about myself and I have lost all confidence in myself. I love her to death and obviously sex is not everything but it's pretty fucking important to sustaining a stress free foundation in the relationship. Is she not happy with me? Is she not happy in general? Am I bad at sex? Is she cheating? What more can I do? Questions upon questions stack up daily and it's taking over my life. I'm unhappy but trying. Is there any hope?

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  • veggie86
    11 years ago

    Are you on hormonal birth control? The Pill KILLED my sex drive. Dead in the water, no desire whatsoever. Could you be suffering from depression? I would get to a doctor, something isn't right.

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  • topper33
    11 years ago

    if hes not he will soon

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  • topper33
    11 years ago

    if its been a year is he getting it some other place?

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  • shadow21
    11 years ago

    It could be a medical problem which you may want to check with your physician about.
    Or you could have some repressed psychological issues which turn you off from your boyfriend.

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  • Thewomanizer
    11 years ago

    hmm, yeah true but i still think it shouldn't be a must have.

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  • bastard123
    11 years ago

    tommy shut ya ass.
    You may love him and if this is true you should respect his natural urges to have sex with you. Go to the chemist and get some lube, if you want go to the doctors and try some alternatives eg. horny goat weed. (this does not invove goats, sorry)

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  • Dmetal
    11 years ago

    He best be cheating on you.

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  • blaster
    11 years ago

    Yeah gotta agree , to love hims all nice and dandy but that doesn't mean you'll want him. Could be an attraction thing .

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  • SimpleBlue
    11 years ago

    Fair is fair.

    If your BF wants sex and you don't want it, then just tell him no. If he throws a fit, come up with a aggrement. Sex only works if two partners want it.

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  • bigtoy
    11 years ago

    Or get drunk or take Viagra, but give him some. A year is a bloody long time!

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  • Infxmous
    11 years ago

    Im only in the mood maybe 5% of the time that my boyfriend wants to have sex. For 90% of the time i still do it anyways because i know it will make him happy and he becomes visibly less stressed and less cranky. Personally i think its worth it. Now ive also dated someone in the past who couldnt get it up. He wanted sex all the time and it would usually be like having sex with a bowl of jello. In that case i had completely lost my drive and stopped having sex with him. If you KNOW why youre not in the mood, then you really should address the problem. Otherwise you and your boyfriend really arent much more than close friends and you will eventually at some point find someone you are sexually attracted to and want out (he was my favorite boyfriend but in the end sex was really a deal breaker, and i denied i to myself for a few years, just like you. Either you will ventually need it from somewhere, or he will become so miserable that you wont have sex with him an it will drive him away. If youre just not "in the mood" i would definitely consider doing it anyway, hell i do it for my boyfriend a few times a week and its really not THAT bad :/

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    • mark777
      11 years ago

      thats right, just point your ass in his direction and read a book, it couldn't be easier.

      if you need to leave to answer the phone, just say "down boy, down" then come back later.

      whats the big deal

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I think that once you start doing it you feel like it feels good so you keep doing it and then afterwards you and him are both happier.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Don't blame him if he leaves you. He is in the relationship to make both of you happy, not just you.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    it's time to figure out why you're with him.

    i don't believe someone is obliged to put out but... if you're taking from him and not giving anything back ... maybe it's time you let him go so he can be with someone who WILL love him completely

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  • ginz
    11 years ago

    im madly crazy about this girl but I'm not often turned on by her sexually so I guess its normal =\.

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  • thinkwithlogics
    11 years ago

    Your very fucking selfish!!!I hope he cheats on you because your bet unfair...you got him begging and you still don't care.

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    • SimpleBlue
      11 years ago

      Get a life.

      Sex is only fair if both partners want it.

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      • FJK_frm_AK25
        8 years ago

        Werd

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      • Flippyfloppy
        11 years ago

        Is it fair that he's gone a year without sex

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      • thinkwithlogics
        11 years ago

        How can you really love him and don't care about his needs or pleasing him.You should be trying to make him happy.And if you don't have sex with him should try something else for his needs.Sex shouldn't be the main part of a relationship but it is a part.

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    • Thewomanizer
      11 years ago

      lay off, a relationship is not all about SEX, if it is then that's not true CARE and LOVE

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      • thinkwithlogics
        11 years ago

        Your right sex isnt the main part of a relationship but it is a part.If you really love your other your surpose to do what you can to makes them happy even if its sex.She said he be trying his heart out and its been a year since they had sex....Come on you really think thats fair?Then if her man cheats then he's a dog.A good relationship both should do what they can to keep each other happy .

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        • Thewomanizer
          11 years ago

          true and true, but still loving someone is not anything to do with sex, otherwise its not love its lust.

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          • thinkwithlogics
            11 years ago

            Im sorry he still shouldn't have to beg...come on you really think its fair if he begs after a year and still and no sex?That's not right...it's not bad to lust for the person you love.A good relationship you have each others back with everything...50-50.Thats a part of a relationship not the biggest but a part.Think of it like this .... you can get the biggest pot.If a drop hit that pot its little but after awhile that pot fills up.Just like sex!Not getting none it start off small but after awhile it fills up big...

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            • shadow21
              11 years ago

              I do agree a relationship needs to be 50-50 but she doesn't OWE him sex just like a man shouldn't OWE his girlfriend a ring. The reason for her lack of desire is worrisome as opposed to unfair. I would say this same thing to a woman who desired sex but couldn't get it from her male partner: there is always your hand. Physiologically woman desire sex more as they get older and are able to perform better with age. In contrast men desire sex and are less able to perform as they get older. Nature is a cruel bitch. I hope in your old age your penis stays soft and limp, friend. Also, contrary to popular belief, a man's dick doesn't fall off if he is abstinent for awhile. I don't support your pot theory as being a fair rebuttal. Also, if this guy is only happy because of sex there are other things wrong. True, I'm sure he'd love to shag but I'm sure he's more worried about why she doesn't want to than this lack of penetration.

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