You do sound like a very kind woman and it's very good what you're doing.
But I don't think you should allow this to happen. It may sound good in theory but in reality, it most probably will make your relationship with your husband quite difficult. Your husband will have other responsibilities which you won't share, he'll have to have very regular contact with his ex when she clearly still after all this time has feelings for him. You could suggest she uses someone else to get her pregnant.
Your marriage is precious and this could and most probably would put a strain on it. That potential child will always be there in his life and so will his ex. You are a selfless woman which is fantastic but I suggest you act a bit selfish and not allow this to happen for your own sake.
I agree and you've convinced me to meet this woman first. If she strikes me as someone I could have a peaceful, constructive ongoing relationship with, we can move forward. However, my husband is known by everyone to be a very good judge of character. He is known by the other partners in his nationwide firm as "the sole voice of reason in a sea of hotheads". He's not going to date a woman who is a bitch, for want of a better term. (He told me that the reason why he left her was because she didn't "turn him on" enough and she wasn't smart enough but he says she was a great person. I have found birthday cards from her and they always sound loving and kind.) But I keep coming back to the fact that it's all a bit academic because, let's face it, this baby will be born when hell freezes over because she's 44 and his sperm seems to be blank because he couldn't even make it happen with the most fertile egg donor on record at the agency, after three attempts. BTW, he would make such a great father. His own (late) father was the most wonderful, magnanimous person and that's the model he learned from. His Mom still says that he is the one who reminds her most of him. They still celebrate his birthday with a big party even though he died almost 20 years ago. Now that's a loved father.
Is it normal that I'm letting my husband do IVF with his ex?
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You do sound like a very kind woman and it's very good what you're doing.
But I don't think you should allow this to happen. It may sound good in theory but in reality, it most probably will make your relationship with your husband quite difficult. Your husband will have other responsibilities which you won't share, he'll have to have very regular contact with his ex when she clearly still after all this time has feelings for him. You could suggest she uses someone else to get her pregnant.
Your marriage is precious and this could and most probably would put a strain on it. That potential child will always be there in his life and so will his ex. You are a selfless woman which is fantastic but I suggest you act a bit selfish and not allow this to happen for your own sake.
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10 years ago
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I agree and you've convinced me to meet this woman first. If she strikes me as someone I could have a peaceful, constructive ongoing relationship with, we can move forward. However, my husband is known by everyone to be a very good judge of character. He is known by the other partners in his nationwide firm as "the sole voice of reason in a sea of hotheads". He's not going to date a woman who is a bitch, for want of a better term. (He told me that the reason why he left her was because she didn't "turn him on" enough and she wasn't smart enough but he says she was a great person. I have found birthday cards from her and they always sound loving and kind.) But I keep coming back to the fact that it's all a bit academic because, let's face it, this baby will be born when hell freezes over because she's 44 and his sperm seems to be blank because he couldn't even make it happen with the most fertile egg donor on record at the agency, after three attempts. BTW, he would make such a great father. His own (late) father was the most wonderful, magnanimous person and that's the model he learned from. His Mom still says that he is the one who reminds her most of him. They still celebrate his birthday with a big party even though he died almost 20 years ago. Now that's a loved father.