If you and your husband want a child, I think you should find a surrogate mother both of you have met and are comfortable with. That your husband's ex is still in love with your husband spells trouble, and that this child is for them and not for you and him also spells trouble.
Perhaps I'm being pessimistic, I can just imagine a lot of issues coming up, and since there would be a child involved that could potentially be caught up in said issues, it's a bit of a risk. I think your intentions are good - that you want to provide your husband with the child he's never had - but this isn't the solution in my opinion. Good luck with whatever you do :)
I agree and we've already done that. We've had 4 different surrogates from overseas and they've all lost the babies (well, embryos). When all is said and done, it really is a moot point because she could do IVF with him til kingdom come and it's not going to work because she's 44 and his sperm didn't even work when combined with three eggs from the most fertile young woman on record with the agency we went through overseas.
I don't think you're being pessimistic. So many issues could and probably would come up, if it was miraculously successful. I'd basically have to put up with a third person in my marriage. I guess it's about whether it's worth having to deal with all those potential (more like "certain") minefields. My husband and I really do both feel like we have a bond that nothing could break. We know this because it's been tested by a lot worse than this.
Unfortunately, surrogacy is only legal here if it's done for free and we don't know anyone who'd be willing to carry a baby for us for 9 months. And that would require an embryo anyway, and where are we going to get that, in this country, where the buying of eggs is illegal?
Is it normal that I'm letting my husband do IVF with his ex?
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I don't think it's a good idea.
If you and your husband want a child, I think you should find a surrogate mother both of you have met and are comfortable with. That your husband's ex is still in love with your husband spells trouble, and that this child is for them and not for you and him also spells trouble.
Perhaps I'm being pessimistic, I can just imagine a lot of issues coming up, and since there would be a child involved that could potentially be caught up in said issues, it's a bit of a risk. I think your intentions are good - that you want to provide your husband with the child he's never had - but this isn't the solution in my opinion. Good luck with whatever you do :)
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10 years ago
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I agree and we've already done that. We've had 4 different surrogates from overseas and they've all lost the babies (well, embryos). When all is said and done, it really is a moot point because she could do IVF with him til kingdom come and it's not going to work because she's 44 and his sperm didn't even work when combined with three eggs from the most fertile young woman on record with the agency we went through overseas.
I don't think you're being pessimistic. So many issues could and probably would come up, if it was miraculously successful. I'd basically have to put up with a third person in my marriage. I guess it's about whether it's worth having to deal with all those potential (more like "certain") minefields. My husband and I really do both feel like we have a bond that nothing could break. We know this because it's been tested by a lot worse than this.
Unfortunately, surrogacy is only legal here if it's done for free and we don't know anyone who'd be willing to carry a baby for us for 9 months. And that would require an embryo anyway, and where are we going to get that, in this country, where the buying of eggs is illegal?