I'm torn. On the one hand it's a beautiful, selfless thing and shows a lack of jealousy on your part that I find inspiring.
At the same time, there is an aspect of great selfishness here.... this would be the perfect opportunity to adopt a child from an orphanage and make someone else's life better, but of course no one wants to adopt a child, it's not the same if it's not "theirs" which does bother me.
We've actually commenced the adoption process. The problem over here (Australia)is that it is so expensive and takes up to seven years so, as a result, it is so rare. As it takes so long, you never get a baby or even an infant; instead, you get a school-aged child. I have never met anyone of our generation in this country with an adopted child. We have a generous sole-parent pension so Australian mums NEVER give up their children, and abortion has been legal since I was a baby myself and can even be free for people with low incomes. Hence, unwanted pregnancies going to full term are very, very rare. As a result, adopted children in Australia are always from third-world countries. It's the hardest country in the world to adopt in which is why Hugh Jackman and his wife had to adopt in the US even though they originally wanted to do it at home. I saw a 19 yo boy (George Dennehy) on TV, found in a Romanian orphanage with no arms at the age of 12 months, and he eventually taught himself to play the guitar proficiently with his feet. We were so heartwarmed that we have also decided to adopt a physically disabled child. (Fortunately, we can afford a nanny or two to help.) So that ball is in motion. Another problem: it is illegal over here for the mum to more than 45 years older than the adopted child, and illegal for the mum to be over 50. That will mean that by the time we get our child, I could be as old as 53, and the adoption will be canceled. But we're trying anyway. You never know your luck. At the end of the day, if we're unlucky, at least I have my adult son, who my husband loves, and we have each other which is more than enough. We don't need a child to make us complete but we have a lot of love to give so it would be nice.
That is horrible. I think children want to be adopted the fact it is so impossible for someone who clearly can not have and wants one is sad. These children grow up not having parents who love them. The fact someone wants one and is not able is ridiculous and is not good for the child. Instead of paying money to open an orphanage they should be paying to try and adopt the kids off. That is just wrong.
Another possibility is being a foster parent. Parents with problems sometimes foster out their children but then they can just demand them back anytime and there is nothing you can do. They rarely allow a continuing relationship with their child. Obviously, I have looked into fostering children but unfortunately, I have a marijuana possession conviction dating back to when I was 18 so that makes us unacceptable as foster parents by the laws of this land.
I think its a good thing that you have looked into being a foster parent. I think it gives a lot of opportunity to kids that otherwise wouldn't have a home. My sister was picked up by her foster parents when she was 13 (they did not want to get me at the time as I was 17 by then) and while it was really positive for her, I would urge you to do your best to keep siblings together if you could. (I was in Thailand and my sister was taken to America, so it was very hard)
Is it normal that I'm letting my husband do IVF with his ex?
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I'm torn. On the one hand it's a beautiful, selfless thing and shows a lack of jealousy on your part that I find inspiring.
At the same time, there is an aspect of great selfishness here.... this would be the perfect opportunity to adopt a child from an orphanage and make someone else's life better, but of course no one wants to adopt a child, it's not the same if it's not "theirs" which does bother me.
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We've actually commenced the adoption process. The problem over here (Australia)is that it is so expensive and takes up to seven years so, as a result, it is so rare. As it takes so long, you never get a baby or even an infant; instead, you get a school-aged child. I have never met anyone of our generation in this country with an adopted child. We have a generous sole-parent pension so Australian mums NEVER give up their children, and abortion has been legal since I was a baby myself and can even be free for people with low incomes. Hence, unwanted pregnancies going to full term are very, very rare. As a result, adopted children in Australia are always from third-world countries. It's the hardest country in the world to adopt in which is why Hugh Jackman and his wife had to adopt in the US even though they originally wanted to do it at home. I saw a 19 yo boy (George Dennehy) on TV, found in a Romanian orphanage with no arms at the age of 12 months, and he eventually taught himself to play the guitar proficiently with his feet. We were so heartwarmed that we have also decided to adopt a physically disabled child. (Fortunately, we can afford a nanny or two to help.) So that ball is in motion. Another problem: it is illegal over here for the mum to more than 45 years older than the adopted child, and illegal for the mum to be over 50. That will mean that by the time we get our child, I could be as old as 53, and the adoption will be canceled. But we're trying anyway. You never know your luck. At the end of the day, if we're unlucky, at least I have my adult son, who my husband loves, and we have each other which is more than enough. We don't need a child to make us complete but we have a lot of love to give so it would be nice.
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That is horrible. I think children want to be adopted the fact it is so impossible for someone who clearly can not have and wants one is sad. These children grow up not having parents who love them. The fact someone wants one and is not able is ridiculous and is not good for the child. Instead of paying money to open an orphanage they should be paying to try and adopt the kids off. That is just wrong.
Another possibility is being a foster parent. Parents with problems sometimes foster out their children but then they can just demand them back anytime and there is nothing you can do. They rarely allow a continuing relationship with their child. Obviously, I have looked into fostering children but unfortunately, I have a marijuana possession conviction dating back to when I was 18 so that makes us unacceptable as foster parents by the laws of this land.
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LilyAmongTheThorns
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I think its a good thing that you have looked into being a foster parent. I think it gives a lot of opportunity to kids that otherwise wouldn't have a home. My sister was picked up by her foster parents when she was 13 (they did not want to get me at the time as I was 17 by then) and while it was really positive for her, I would urge you to do your best to keep siblings together if you could. (I was in Thailand and my sister was taken to America, so it was very hard)