You feel that you dont deserve happiness and even when you are happy you do not allow yourself to enjoy it. I think you need to figure out the true reason for this. Some common reasons are:
Self loathing, self hatred
you enjoy being a martyr because it gives you attention,
Jelousy,
If you enjoy being depressed and alone you will only attract that into your life and the possibility of being happy slowly dissapears. Just be sure this is what you want because happy people will eventually dissapear out of your life.
There can be medical reasons, but..... be careful as a lot of people like to use medical reasons as a crutch to be miserable. Good luck.
Is it normal that I'm happiest when I'm depressed?
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You feel that you dont deserve happiness and even when you are happy you do not allow yourself to enjoy it. I think you need to figure out the true reason for this. Some common reasons are:
Self loathing, self hatred
you enjoy being a martyr because it gives you attention,
Jelousy,
If you enjoy being depressed and alone you will only attract that into your life and the possibility of being happy slowly dissapears. Just be sure this is what you want because happy people will eventually dissapear out of your life.
There can be medical reasons, but..... be careful as a lot of people like to use medical reasons as a crutch to be miserable. Good luck.