That might have come across as a bit strong. It's a good poem, and writing can be a really good way to let feelings out :) If it helps you not actually want to kill yourself and was just a bit of writing to express yourself... I apologize. I just get passionate about this subject ^^;;
I like to write so that I get my feelings out that way instead of a more distructive way. I can't have kids for one because the medication that I take for my many mental disorders is more than likely gonna kill the child and I HAVE TO take them to be able to control myself better. Another reason is I'm very unstable. I love children and wouldn't mind babysiting my neices and nephews but having a child 24/7 would be too stressful for me. I can't even work a full time job let alone raise a child. I can't travel because of a new issue I have developed. And the whole sex in a public place would never happen because I was sexually abused when I was younger and it has given me a fear of having sex. And the part about someone I love, the only guys I have ever been attracted to were male teachers and the male staff at my residental treatment center that I went to when I was 11-14. I KNOW my mom loves me. I don't think my dad loves me. He really doesn't care about any of his kids. He sexually abused my sister (my mom's kid) and at the age of 4-6 my parents were devoriced and he didn't see me or call me despite being 8 miles away. Later when my parents got remarried he told me he was too busy. I was a very difficult child to deal and I was diagnosed with quite a few mental disorders at a young age. One time my dad got so mad at me that he kicked my thigh multiple times. I got up and ran to my room but fell because I couldn't walk on my leg. He followed me but my mom stopped him. When I was at treatment he rarely called or wrote me. Now that I moved out of the house and into town the only time I see him or hear from him is if I call him myself. I'm pretty sure he could care less if he hears from me. My mom on the other hand texts me every day. IDK but I HAVE felt pain and this isn't all of my problems. Not everyone who is young hasn't felt pain yet.
Thank you for sharing about your life, sometimes it's not easy to say things like this, but sometimes it does help to get it off your chest. I hope for you it was the latter.
We all go through hardships, and sometimes it seems like some of us have to experience more than others, but it's not often the case. Everybody has their story. The overall outcome of these sorts of things is what we choose to make of it. To allow yourself to feel like a victim, to feel like it's "not fair", and to wallow in self-pity... is to give yourself a fate even worse than death. I'm certainly not trying to imply that's what you do, but I think it's good to continue your writing / talking like this to let it come out so it doesn't linger within you and begin to grow rotten.
A lot of what you said makes it seem like you're 100% certain of what the future holds. Could it be possible that maybe that's not entirely the case? I'm willing to bet that your future as you see it now, and what will actually happen, will be very different. You may not always be on so many medications. Be thankful you even have functioning sex organs. (I for one will never give birth to my own child) Also, of course at your age having your own child 24/7 would be too stressful. It's good that you recognize that, too many unprepared parents have children at too young an age these days. That being said, I wonder how you will feel about having a kid around 24/7 in another 10 years or so?
You can think whatever you like about love, but as long as you don't violently push away every person you meet - trust me, love WILL find you. You probably won't even be expecting it. It usually comes when we're not actively seeking it out, anyway, it's tricky like that.
I didn't mean to take away the validity of the pain you have felt so far. I believe you have, everyone has, at any age. All I meant to say is... life is so much more than your memory of being a kid, then a teenager, then a tiny handful of years. Whatever your experiences are now, keep in mind what lies ahead of you is the VAST majority of your life, especially once you consider the time it took to reach intellectual maturity. What is to follow will put this short, short time you have right now into a whole new perspective. It will be like looking at things through a whole new lens, after you've gone out and lived your life and discovered who you are.
Have you ever had a memory of being a tiny kid and thinking a certain slide / monkey bars / diving board was the HUGEST thing in the world, and gone back years later and realized just how small it was? It's kind of like that. Hang in there, the best is yet to come.
Is it normal that I like to write poems like this one?
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That might have come across as a bit strong. It's a good poem, and writing can be a really good way to let feelings out :) If it helps you not actually want to kill yourself and was just a bit of writing to express yourself... I apologize. I just get passionate about this subject ^^;;
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sokrazy
11 years ago
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I like to write so that I get my feelings out that way instead of a more distructive way. I can't have kids for one because the medication that I take for my many mental disorders is more than likely gonna kill the child and I HAVE TO take them to be able to control myself better. Another reason is I'm very unstable. I love children and wouldn't mind babysiting my neices and nephews but having a child 24/7 would be too stressful for me. I can't even work a full time job let alone raise a child. I can't travel because of a new issue I have developed. And the whole sex in a public place would never happen because I was sexually abused when I was younger and it has given me a fear of having sex. And the part about someone I love, the only guys I have ever been attracted to were male teachers and the male staff at my residental treatment center that I went to when I was 11-14. I KNOW my mom loves me. I don't think my dad loves me. He really doesn't care about any of his kids. He sexually abused my sister (my mom's kid) and at the age of 4-6 my parents were devoriced and he didn't see me or call me despite being 8 miles away. Later when my parents got remarried he told me he was too busy. I was a very difficult child to deal and I was diagnosed with quite a few mental disorders at a young age. One time my dad got so mad at me that he kicked my thigh multiple times. I got up and ran to my room but fell because I couldn't walk on my leg. He followed me but my mom stopped him. When I was at treatment he rarely called or wrote me. Now that I moved out of the house and into town the only time I see him or hear from him is if I call him myself. I'm pretty sure he could care less if he hears from me. My mom on the other hand texts me every day. IDK but I HAVE felt pain and this isn't all of my problems. Not everyone who is young hasn't felt pain yet.
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PumpkinKate
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Thank you for sharing about your life, sometimes it's not easy to say things like this, but sometimes it does help to get it off your chest. I hope for you it was the latter.
We all go through hardships, and sometimes it seems like some of us have to experience more than others, but it's not often the case. Everybody has their story. The overall outcome of these sorts of things is what we choose to make of it. To allow yourself to feel like a victim, to feel like it's "not fair", and to wallow in self-pity... is to give yourself a fate even worse than death. I'm certainly not trying to imply that's what you do, but I think it's good to continue your writing / talking like this to let it come out so it doesn't linger within you and begin to grow rotten.
A lot of what you said makes it seem like you're 100% certain of what the future holds. Could it be possible that maybe that's not entirely the case? I'm willing to bet that your future as you see it now, and what will actually happen, will be very different. You may not always be on so many medications. Be thankful you even have functioning sex organs. (I for one will never give birth to my own child) Also, of course at your age having your own child 24/7 would be too stressful. It's good that you recognize that, too many unprepared parents have children at too young an age these days. That being said, I wonder how you will feel about having a kid around 24/7 in another 10 years or so?
You can think whatever you like about love, but as long as you don't violently push away every person you meet - trust me, love WILL find you. You probably won't even be expecting it. It usually comes when we're not actively seeking it out, anyway, it's tricky like that.
I didn't mean to take away the validity of the pain you have felt so far. I believe you have, everyone has, at any age. All I meant to say is... life is so much more than your memory of being a kid, then a teenager, then a tiny handful of years. Whatever your experiences are now, keep in mind what lies ahead of you is the VAST majority of your life, especially once you consider the time it took to reach intellectual maturity. What is to follow will put this short, short time you have right now into a whole new perspective. It will be like looking at things through a whole new lens, after you've gone out and lived your life and discovered who you are.
Have you ever had a memory of being a tiny kid and thinking a certain slide / monkey bars / diving board was the HUGEST thing in the world, and gone back years later and realized just how small it was? It's kind of like that. Hang in there, the best is yet to come.