It sounds to me as though the rape that happened when you were 12 has just messed with you badly. Given the fact you were only 12 and it was probably one of the first if not the first sexual experience you had, which could leave you confused about the difference between what you enjoy and what you know. You should 100% speak to someone about this.
However, back to the topic of sex (which was your main concern for some reason) maybe you should try extremely rough sex? Find a sex club or an orgy or something where you can be the submissive and still get that thrill without you actually having your consent taken away. To enjoy having no say and being used can be normal, if you have a long history of being raped then it can be dangerous for you.
My source is actually my mother, who was raped daily from the age of 9. She didn't seem any help either and continued to have a relatively normal sex life (even though she was attracted to twats lol) until she was 40 when the rape stories were revealed to her family and friends and it was all brought up. She is still in the midst of a mental breakdown now, and she is now 52.
is it normal that i like to be raped
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It sounds to me as though the rape that happened when you were 12 has just messed with you badly. Given the fact you were only 12 and it was probably one of the first if not the first sexual experience you had, which could leave you confused about the difference between what you enjoy and what you know. You should 100% speak to someone about this.
However, back to the topic of sex (which was your main concern for some reason) maybe you should try extremely rough sex? Find a sex club or an orgy or something where you can be the submissive and still get that thrill without you actually having your consent taken away. To enjoy having no say and being used can be normal, if you have a long history of being raped then it can be dangerous for you.
My source is actually my mother, who was raped daily from the age of 9. She didn't seem any help either and continued to have a relatively normal sex life (even though she was attracted to twats lol) until she was 40 when the rape stories were revealed to her family and friends and it was all brought up. She is still in the midst of a mental breakdown now, and she is now 52.