Is it normal that i like being a fem guy

When I was very young I had a male cousin get me naked and make me suck him and he would finger my ass ...and as I got older I love wearing thongs and being with men secretly...i do lobe women but I also like being with guys....i think he messed me up at a young age....he also was very dominant with me he would spank me and slap me....and I kinda like that ....do u think that now I'm 40 at my age I like those things cus of what happened when I was a little boy